
I found funny tax jokes to soothe the irritation of this day…I hope!
Trying to date women is a lot like paying taxes in the U.S.
They both know what needs to be done and could tell you but instead you’re the one who needs to figure it out.
Do you know how you can tell Monopoly’s an old game?
It has a luxury tax, and rich people can actually go to jail.
Why are Sherlock Holmes’ taxes so low?
He’s a master of deduction.
Did you hear that the government denied tax exemption for a church that believes Jesus spoke with a lisp?
It was a real slap in the faith.

Has anyone realized “The IRS”.
Spells “theirs”?!
A gambler gets a notice from the IRS that he’s being audited.
The gambler calls his tax attorney and they go to see the IRS agent. As they are waiting in the office, the agent looks over his paperwork and says:
“The reason for your audit is that you live such a lavish lifestyle, yet not much income to justify it. Can you tell me what you do for a living?”
The gambler says, “I’m a professional gambler.”
“A gambler?” asks the agent.
“Yes, I make money from bets. Let me demonstrate. I bet you $1,000 that I can bite my eye.”
“You have a bet!” the agent has a smug smile on his face. But it vanishes when the gambler takes out his glass eye and bites it. The agent did not see that coming, but he did agree to $1,000 in front of the gambler’s attorney.
“Fine, that wasn’t fair,” says the gambler. “I’ll give you a chance to win your money back by betting another $1,000 that I can bite my other eye.”
The agent looks through the guy’s paperwork and sees he’s not legally blind, so he takes the bet. To his horror, the gambler takes out his dentures and bites his other eye. Now he’s on the hook for $2,000.
“You know what,” says the gambler, “Double or nothing; I’ll stand on the edge of your desk, close my eyes, piss into the garbage can on the other side of the room without spilling a drop. What do you say?”
Perplexed but desperate, the agent agrees. The gambler stands on the desk, unzips his pants, closes his eyes, then pisses all over the agent’s desk.
“YES!!!” exclaims the agent, glad he won’t owe the gambler anything.
“Ah, shit.” sighs the attorney.
“What’s the matter?” asks the agent.
“Well… He bet me $20,000 that he’d come into your office today, piss all over your desk, and you’d be happy about it.”
Did you hear that the atheists are trying to get tax-exempt status now?
They are a non-prophet organization.
How do stoner couples file their taxes?
Jointly!
At the end of the tax year, the Taxation Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a local hospital. While the agent was checking the books, he turned to the executive of the hospital and said, “I notice you buy a lot of bandages. What do you do with the end of the roll when there’s too little left to be of any use?”
“Good question,” noted the executive. “We save them up and send them back to the bandage company, and every once in a while, they send us a free roll.”
“Oh,” replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer.
But on he went, in his obnoxious way. ”What about all these plaster purchases? What do you do with what’s left over after setting a cast on a patient?”
“Ah, yes,” replied the executive, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. “We save it and send it back to the manufacturer and every so often they send us a free bag of plaster.”
“I see,” replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all executive. “Well, what do you do with all the remains from the circumcision surgeries?”
“Here, too, we do not waste,” answered the executive. “What we do is save all the little foreskins and send them to the tax office, and about once a year they send us a complete prick.”

A teen boy is buying a pack of condoms for the first time…
He sees the price is $10, but when he goes to pay it the register rings it up as $10.65.
“What’s this 65 cents about?” He asks. The cashier says, “It’s for the tax.”
“Ah. I was wondering how you keep these things on.”
Don’t get in line behind Lucifer at the tax office!
The devil takes many forms.
A woman walks into an accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.
The accountant says, “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask you a few questions.”
He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, “What’s your occupation?”
“I’m a prostitute,” she says.
The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says, ” Let’s try to rephrase that.”
The woman says, “OK, I’m a high-end call girl”.
“No, that still won’t work. Try again.”
They both think for a minute; then the woman says, “I’m an elite chicken farmer.”
The accountant asks, “What does chicken farming have to do with being a prostitute?”
“Well, I raised a thousand cocks last year.”
“Chicken Farmer it is.”

Sure hope these helped!













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