What does Spring mean to you? An end to winter?
Time for fun and games?
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How about Spring cleaning? Are you pro or con?
If you are going to spend your time cleaning, remember to first get everything out of your way. It will be easier.
But when you’re finished, everything will be in its place!
But then you can rest!
HAPPY SPRING!
Oscar may have been the most famous grouch at one time, but he is certainly not the only one. Consider these two…okay technically their promoted as Grumpy, but it still counts in my book…LOL
NO…not THOSE two…THESE two…
And who could forget Scrooge?
And then there’s Walter…who’s a Grouch, but a lovable one!
But the Grouch I’ve chosen to do a favor for today is THIS one (on the left).
Here’s the favor…some words of advice:
THE WALLS HAVE EARS
“Be careful what you say as people may be eavesdropping.” The Louvre Palace in France was believed to have a network of listening tubes so that it would be possible to hear everything that was said in different rooms. People say that this is how the Queen Catherine de’Medici discovered political secrets and plots.
BIG WIG
Meaning an important person, especially in a particular sphere; in the 18th century, the most important political figures would wear the biggest wigs, hence today influential people are called big wigs.
CAUGHT RED-HANDED
It generally indicates that a person has been discovered in, or just after, the act of doing something wrong or illegal. However, there was an old law stating that if someone butchered an animal that didn’t belong to him, he would only be punished if he was caught with blood on his hands. If one was caught with the meat but his hands were clean, he would not be punished.
RAINING CATS AND DOGS
This idiom has two stories that try to explain its origin. The first explanation says that the origin of this phrase comes from Norse mythology, where cats would symbolise heavy rains and dogs were associated with the God of storms, Odin. The second version says that in 16th century England, houses had thatched roofs which were one of the few places where animals were able to get warm. Sometimes, when it would start to rain heavily, roofs would get slippery and cats and dogs would fall off, making it look like it’s raining cats and dogs!
BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER
Most people believe this means that family relationships and loyalties are the strongest and most important ones. Even though many might think this saying means that we should put family ahead of friends, it actually meant the complete opposite. The full phrase actually was “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb,” and it referred to warriors who shared the blood they shed in battles together. These ‘blood brothers’ were said to have stronger bonds than biological brothers.
DON’T LOOK A GIFT HORSE IN THE MOUTH
While buying a horse, people would determine the horse’s age and condition based on its teeth, and then decide whether they want to buy it or not. This is the reason why people use this idiom to say it is rude to look for flaws in a thing that was given to you as a gift.
BY THE SAME TOKEN
Bus token? Game token? What kind of token is involved here? Token is a very old word, referring to something that’s a symbol or sign of something else. It could be a pat on the back as a token, or sign, of friendship, or a marked piece of lead that could be exchanged for money. It came to mean a fact or piece of evidence that could be used as proof. By the same token first meant, basically, “those things you used to prove that can also be used to prove this.” It was later weakened into the expression that just says “these two things are somehow associated.”
THE WHOLE SHEBANG
The earliest uses of shebang were during the Civil War era, referring to a hut, shed, or cluster of bushes where you’re staying. Some officers wrote home about “running the shebang,” meaning the encampment. The origin of the word is obscure, but because it also applied to a tavern or drinking place, it may go back to the Irish word shebeen for a ramshackle drinking establishment.
CALLED ON THE CARPET
Carpet used to mean a thick cloth that could be placed in a range of places: on the floor, on the bed, on a table. The floor carpet is the one we use most now, so the image most people associate with this phrase is one where a servant or employee is called from plainer, carpetless room to the fancier, carpeted part of the house. But it actually goes back to the tablecloth meaning. When there was an issue up for discussion by some kind of official council it was on the carpet.
EAT HUMBLE PIE
This has come to mean making an apology and suffering humilitation along with it. However, during the Middle Ages, the Lord of a major would hold a feast after hunting. He would receive the finest cut of meat at the feast, but those of a lower standing were served a pie filled with the entrails and innards, known as “umbles.” Therefore, receiving “umble pie” was considered humiliating because it informed others in attendance of the guest’s lower status.
GIVE THE COLD SHOULDER
It has become a rude way of telling someone they aren’t welcome or to ignore someone. Although it is considered rude today, it was actually regarded as a polite gesture in medieval England. After a feast, the host would let his guests know it was time to leave by giving them a cold piece of meat from the shoulder of beef, mutton or pork.
RUB THE WRONG WAY
In colonial America, servants were required to wet-rub and dry-rub the oak board floors every week. Doing it against the grain caused streaks to form, making the wood look awful and irritating the homeowner.
WAKING UP ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE BED
The left side of the body or anything having to do with the left was often associated with something sinister. To ward off evil, innkeepers made sure the left side of the bed was pushed against a wall so guests had no other option but to get up on the “right side of the bed.”
COME UP TRUMPS
This is a variant of “turn up trumps,” which has been used since the early 17th century. “Trump” is a corruption of Triumph, which was the name of a popular card game during that period.
This was posted at Wolf’s the other day and I loved it so much I brought it here! Thanks Barb Meier for bringing it in the first place!! (I added the pictures…)
Barb Meier(@barbmeier)
Online
Wolverine
January 19, 2023 17:29
Sharing from a FB friend:
Laughter is still the best Medicine!
I used to be able to do cartwheels. Now I tip over putting on my underwear.
Hate it when I see an old person and then realize we went to high school together.
I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes… so she hugged me.
My wife says I only have 2 faults. I don’t listen and something else….
At my funeral, take the bouquet off my coffin and throw it into the crowd to see who is next.
I thought growing old would take longer.
I came, I saw, I forgot what I was doing. Retraced my steps, got lost on the way back, now I have no idea what’s going on.
The officer said, “You drinking?” I said, “You buying?” We just laughed and laughed…. I need bail money.
Day 12 without chocolate. Lost hearing in my left eye.
Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention morons.
The adult version of “head, shoulders, knees and toes” is “wallet, glasses, keys and phone.”
A dog accepts you as the boss… a cat wants to see your resume.
Oops…. did I roll my eyes out loud?
Life is too short to waste time matching socks.
Wi-fi went down for five minutes, so I had to talk to my family. They seem like nice people.
If you see me talking to myself, just move along. I’m self-employed; we’re having a staff meeting.
I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food.
Some people call me crazy. I prefer ‘happy with a twist’.
My doctor asked if anyone in my family suffers from mental illness. I said, “No, we all seem to enjoy it.”
I really don’t mind getting old, but my body is having a major fit.
Camping: where you spend a small fortune to live like a homeless person.
Project Manager. Because Miracle Worker isn’t an official job title.
I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for Tuesday.
The world’s best antidepressant has 4 legs, a wagging tail and comes with unconditional love.
Love is how excited your dog gets when you come home.
I’ve reached the age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me.
If you’re happy and you know it, it’s your meds.
Hope this finds you in Good Health and Good Spirits.
The tobacco chewers in your family aren’t just men.
You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.
You’ve never paid for a haircut.
You’ve ever hit a deer with your car…on purpose!
You have a hook in your shower to hang your hat on.
You dated your daddy’s current wife in high school.
You stare at a box of orange juice in the morning that said concentrate on it.
You go to a stock car race and don’t need a program.
You’ve ever fed your date French fries in a Denny’s.
You have 5 cars that are immobile and a house that is!
People hear your car a long time before they see it.
Your wife’s job requires her to wear an orange vest.
You’ve ever filled your deer tag on the golf course.
You owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.
You just bought an 8-track player to put in your car.
There are more than five McDonald’s bags in your car.
When you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank!
You’ve ever picked up a woman in a convenience store.
The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.
Jack Daniels makes your list of “most admired people”.
Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.
You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).
You have the local taxidermist’s number on speed dial.
The taillight covers of your car are made of red tape.
Your house doesn’t have curtains, but your truck does.
You grow flowers in an old commode in your front yard.
You use the term `over yonder’ more than once a month.
You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.
You were shooting pool when any of your kids were born.
You prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.
Your family reunion features a chewing tobacco spit-off.
If the fifth grade is referred to as “your senior year,”
Your wife’s best pair of shoes are steel-toed Red Wings.
You roll you hair with soda cans.
You tape phone numbers on the back of your cell phone.
You might be a redneck if your school hands out race tickets for perfect attendance.
Your front porch collapses and kills more than five dogs.
Three quarters of the clothes you own have LOGOS on them.
Your wife’s hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
It’s easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.
You’ve ever worn shorts to a funeral home.
Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.
Your child’s first words are “Attention K-Mart shoppers!”.
You have to go outside to get something out of the ‘fridge.
There are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.
There has ever been crime-scene tape on your bathroom door.
You can’t take a bath because beer is iced down in your tub.
You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.
Directions to your house include “Turn off the paved road.”
You view the next family reunion as a chance to meet girls.
Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Drive-in Theater.
The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.
After making love you ask your date to roll down the window.
Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.
You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d’oeuvre.
You have a hefty bag where the window of your car should be.
The best way to keep things cold is to leave’em in the shade.
Chiggers are included on your list of top 5 hygiene concerns.
You have spray painted your girlfriend’s name on an overpass.
In tough situations you ask yourself, “What would Curly do?”
You think that safe s** is a padded headboard on the waterbed.
Your idea of a 7-course meal is a bucket of KFC and a six pack.
You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.
Your idea of talking during s** is “Ain’t no cars coming, baby!”
Your dad walks you to school because you’re in the same grade.
If you’re eating duck and it still has a pulse.
You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.
Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.
You have a color coordinating rope that ties down your car hood.
You consider orange peels left on the coffee table as potpourri.
You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
You’ve ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
You’ve ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
Your favorite Christmas present, was a painting on black velvet.
Going to the bathroom at night involves shoes and a flashlight.
You’ve been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.
Going to the laundromat means cleaning out the back of the truck.
Today is National Dress Up Your Pet Day. In high school, one of my good friends had an Irish Setter. For every project Carol (my friend) had to do, she always managed to sneak in pictures of her Irish Setter in costumes—sunglasses, hats, ties—and our class LOVED them. And the teachers received them well too! (Of course, it didn’t hurt that Carol was the Superintendent’s daughter…LOL) So without further ado…some of my favorite pictures…please add you own!
The other afternoon, I saw a stink bug in the house and of course, I flushed it down the toilet. (The process is a quick one: locating said bug, nabbing it quickly in a napkin and dashing to flush it before the smell permeates everything.) I found an article about stink bugs written by Erin McCarthy in 2019 and I as I read it, I couldn’t help but notice their similarity to Congress. Stay with me here…
In her article on Mental Floss, she noted that The New Yorker called marmorated stink bugs “the most destructive, the most annoying, and possibly the ugliest” of all the stink bugs, an invasive species that’s taking North America by storm … and not in a good way. Here are her 12 facts to know about these stink bugs (and Congress).
IT MADE ITS WESTERN HEMISPHERE DEBUT IN PENNSYLVANIA. Stink bugs were first discovered in Allentown, PA which is not far from Philadelphia, PA where freedom, legislature and liberty were born. (Okay, the first Congress was in NY…but that’s close enough.)
IT TOOK YEARS TO IDENTIFY IT. Just as the bugs were unknown, so were most of Congress. No one knew they were duplicitous dirtbags at first. Slowly, the mystery unfolded and we could see them for who they really are. And although there are many species (true of BOTH the bugs and Congress) there is one species most vile. With stink bugs it’s the marmorated stink bug and in Congress it’s the Uniparty.
IT’S NOT CUTE. This does not even require an argument.
THEIR SPRAY HAS SOMETHING IN COMMON WITH CILANTRO. Admittedly I’m at a loss here…not knowing what cilantro smells like, but the stink in Congress is unmistakable, so I’ll call this one a wash.
THEY EAT YOUR APPLES. The stink bugs tend to suck the fluid of out produce. To feed, the bugs pierce the skin of the plants with their mouthparts and drink the fluids, which renders the fruit unmarketable as a fresh product. Congress does the same with our economy.
THEY COULD INVADE YOUR HOME BY THE THOUSANDS. Once a stink bug has found a warm spot it likes, it will release an aggregation pheromone (which can linger for up to a year) that draws others to the same area, where they’ll gather in sometimes staggering numbers. Congress does the same—growing government by leaps and bounds—congregating in Washington DC—and then branching out to claim other areas.
ONCE INSIDE, THEY’RE HARD TO GET RID OF. Once a terrible Congressional candidate is elected, it is nearly impossible to vote them out of office!
THEY’RE PRETTY GREAT FLIERS. Congress loves to fly! They will take “fact-finding” trips all over the world on the taxpayer’s dime…the more the merrier!
THEY’RE GENERALLY NOT HARMFUL. This is a true difference. Congress is one of the most destructive forces on the planet. Curtailing freedoms, increasing spending, never solving any crises or issues…they push the problems down the road and somehow claim victory in the next election cycle.
THEY MIGHT BE MESSING WITH YOUR RED WINE. Researchers at Oregon State University placed live and dead stink bugs on wine grapes and measured the stress compounds the insects released as they and the grapes were squeezed during the winemaking process. The researchers found that more than three stink bugs per grape cluster resulted in contaminated wine. I hope Congress stays out of the wine, but they enjoy drinking it—heavily! But as a general rule, any time 3 or more congresspeople work on an issue, you can be guaranteed that the problem will get worse, they will get richer, and the American public will get screwed.
THEY LEAVE TRACES OF THEIR PRESENCE ON PLANTS. I’m going to say according to the recent Twitter File Releases, this is a no brainer. Not only did they leave traces (which were followed), they left their stink of censorship everywhere!
ONE OF ITS NATURAL PREDATORS IS A PARASITIC WASP THAT JUST MADE ITS WAY TO THE STATES. Samurai wasps are tiny, stinger-less parasites that lay their eggs in the stink bugs’ eggs, where its larvae eat the contents before emerging as wasps to continue the cycle. When I think of a parasitic predator, I think of China and our Congress has indeed been penetrated by them! Their souls are being eaten away in their attempts to become richer and richer and China emerges to reap the benefits.
Well, what do you think? Have I made my case? If we head to DC…I call shot gun!
Fruitcake is one of those mysterious gifts that everybody receives, but nobody actually enjoys. It mysteriously lasts for a long time, and it does not taste good. If you received a fruitcake this holiday season, here are some ideas for using it.
1. A door stop
Do you have that pesky door that just won’t stay open? Throw the fruitcake down, and the door will stay open for as long as you want!
2. A booster seat for kids
Is your child not quite tall enough to sit at the dinner table? Simply place the fruitcake on a chair, and seat the child on top of the fruitcake. They will instantly be able to sit at the grown-up table!
3. A Christmas Tree stand
Is your Christmas Tree stand not festive enough? Use a fruitcake instead. (Bonus: the fruitcake will hold water, just like any other Christmas Tree stand)
4. A bird feeder (Will only work if birds are desperate)
You can try being a bird whisperer by feeding your local birds with the fruitcake! If the birds are hungry enough, this may just work!
5. A bookend
Are you tired of your books constantly falling over? Simply place the fruitcake at the end of your collection, and you have a festive bookend. For extra sturdiness, cut the cake in half and place one half at each end of your book collection.
6. Put it under your pesky neighbor’s tire
Do you have that one neighbor that you just can’t stand? Place the fruitcake under their tire, and they are almost guaranteed to never speak to you again.
7. A step stool
Do you have that one shelf that is just impossible to reach? Place the fruitcake on the ground and step on it. You are magically taller! (Note: Can also be used as a step platform for aerobics)
8. A beer koozie
Do you need somewhere festive to place your beer? Look no further than the fruitcake!
9. Use it to fix a wobbly table
Do you have to hold onto your drinks when you eat dinner? Place the fruitcake under the uneven leg, and your table is good as new! (Note: You may need to trim fruitcake according to table leg size)
10. A hockey puck
Did you lose all of your hockey pucks again? Simply use the fruitcake! You can even mold it into a hockey puck shape!
11. Save it for trick-or-treaters on Halloween
Would you like to see your fruitcake consumed, but you can’t do it yourself? Save it for Halloween! You can cut it into squares or use a cookie cutter for fun Halloween shapes!
12. A boat anchor*
*Will only work on smaller boats. Large boats and cruise ships will require several fruitcakes.
13. Throw it at a burglar
Someone break into your house? The weight of the fruitcake is sure to knock any burglar out!
14. Fire wood (most recommended)
If you just want the fruitcake to be gone, simply throw it in your bonfire during this chilly holiday season. It will be gone in no time!
I found this list the other day, of over 200 of Jeff Foxworthy’s best “You might be a redneck…” jokes and I’d thought I’d share a bunch with you guys. I’m gonna break it up into a few opens here and there…Enjoy!!
The ASPCA raids your kitchen.
You own a homemade fur coat.
You have a rag for a gas cap.
You’ve ever bought a used cap.
You’ve ever financed a tattoo.
You prefer car keys to Q-tips.
You have an Elvis Jell-o mold.
You have ever used lard in bed.
You’ve ever stolen toilet paper.
Fewer than half of your cars run.
Your brother-in-law is your uncle.
You own at least 20 baseball hats.
Every electrical outlet in your house is a fire hazard.
Birds are attracted to your beard.
You pick your teeth from a catalog.
You’ve ever been too drunk to fish.
You bring your dog to work with you.
Your kitchen doubles as a bait store.
You’ve ever given rat traps as gifts.
You’ve ever used a Weed Eater indoors.
You have more guns than teeth.
Your dad is also your favorite uncle.
Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
You’re considered an expert on worm beds.
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You’ve ever parked a Camaro in a tree.
You burn your yard rather than mow it.
Your brother-in-law is also your uncle.
Your other truck is made by John Deere.
You take a fishing pole into Sea World.
Your gene pool doesn’t have a “deep end”
The primary color of your car is Bondo.
Your family’s No. 1 enemy is revenuers.
You own more cowboy boots than sneakers.
You’ve ever barbecued Spam on the grill.
You ever cut your grass and found a car.
You clean your fingernails with a stick.
You think suspenders are a type of shirt.
You consider “Outdoor Life” deep reading.
You’ve ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
You’ve ever raked leaves in your kitchen.
You wear cowboy boots with Bermuda shorts.
The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
You have every episode of Hee-Haw on tape.
You’ve totaled every car you’ve ever owned.
You go to a Tupperware party for a haircut.
Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.
You’ve ever bathed with flea and tick soap.
Your family tree doesn’t have any branches.
Your wife weighs more than your refrigerator.
You think the French Riviera is foreign car.
You ever lost a tooth opening a beer bottle.
Your school fight song was “Dueling Banjos”.
You keep a can of RAID on the kitchen table.
You consider the fifth grade your senior year.
Your home has more miles on it than your car.
Your mother has “ammo” on her Christmas list.
Your dog and your wallet are both on a chain.
Your dog can’t watch you eat without gagging.
You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen.
You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.
You’ve ever made change in the offering plate.
Your belt buckle doubles as a serving platter.
You use lava soap more than three times a day.
You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.
Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
The main course at potluck dinners is roadkill.
Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
You think a Volvo is part of a woman’s anatomy.
You buy your wife tube socks at the flea market.
Your kids take a siphon hose to “Show and Tell.”
There is a stuffed opossum anywhere in your house.
You own more than 3 shirts with cut off sleeves.
You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.
Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
You think the stock market has a fence around it.
Your CB antenna is a danger to low-flying planes.
The Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice.
You think that Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug.
You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.
You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.
Your boat has not left the drive-way in 15 years.
You think a turtleneck is key ingredient for soup.
Your hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
Your parakeet knows the phrase “Open up, Police!”.
You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
Red man Chewing Tobacco sends you a Christmas card.
In 2008, I was living with HB and SIL in a house in Manassas, VA on a major roadway with a lot of traffic, although it was only a two-lane road. It was Christmas but it was unseasonably warm that year. HB and SIL were watching TV and, of course, I was sitting at my computer, which was directly in front of a window.
All of a sudden, I heard a loud crash and looked up to see that an SUV had crashed into a tree across the street. It hit the tree and bounced back; I saw the driver’s door open and a man got out, with an obvious leg injury – he fell up against the SUV and kind of rolled down the side of it towards the front of the vehicle.
By the time I got up and went to the door, I could no longer see him. Behind the house across the street was a large wooded area – there was a driveway running down the side of the house towards the back. We called 911 to report it and then we all trooped outside to look; a woman had pulled over into our driveway so we chatted with her while we waited.
Within 5 or 10 minutes, the cops arrived and began searching for the driver, who was nowhere to be found. They told us the SUV had just been stolen from someone down the street. I told them that he was obviously injured but that was all I knew. They searched and searched and searched, and finally determined that he must have gone down the driveway into the woods. So they sent a car around to the other side of the woods to search from that side. They even had a helicopter up looking for him.
After about 45 minutes, another cop car pulled up with a canine unit. They brought the dog out and had him jump into the SUV to get the man’s scent. He jumped back down and went directly to the tree at the front of the SUV!
Turns out, the guy had buried himself in the leaves and was there the whole time!!!! They had never even looked there!!! We also found out he was an illegal – sometimes I swore half of Manassas was made up of illegals, there were so many, including MS-13!
HB and SIL had already made their decision by then to move to Nebraska. She was pregnant with Piper and wouldn’t be able to work and SIL had been laid off from his job. I had not yet decided to join them but, in March of 2009, I also lost my job as General Manager at ResoleAmerica. I decided God was telling me it was time to go home!!!!
Sew Colorful 