This is the time of year, we think about honoring our mothers, and yet how many of us simply don’t know what to buy? You could go the safe, but uninspired route of a gift card or—gasp! cash, or you might consider one of these gifts!
that’s right, you’re Mom’s favorite—rub it in!
time to RUN!
look at the bright side!
he’s still got it!
but it’s not a contest!
not sure about this one…won’t it dilute the wine? (shower wine holder)
I found funny tax jokes to soothe the irritation of this day…I hope!
Trying to date women is a lot like paying taxes in the U.S. They both know what needs to be done and could tell you but instead you’re the one who needs to figure it out.
Do you know how you can tell Monopoly’s an old game? It has a luxury tax, and rich people can actually go to jail.
Why are Sherlock Holmes’ taxes so low? He’s a master of deduction.
Did you hear that the government denied tax exemption for a church that believes Jesus spoke with a lisp? It was a real slap in the faith.
Has anyone realized “The IRS”. Spells “theirs”?!
A gambler gets a notice from the IRS that he’s being audited. The gambler calls his tax attorney and they go to see the IRS agent. As they are waiting in the office, the agent looks over his paperwork and says: “The reason for your audit is that you live such a lavish lifestyle, yet not much income to justify it. Can you tell me what you do for a living?” The gambler says, “I’m a professional gambler.” “A gambler?” asks the agent. “Yes, I make money from bets. Let me demonstrate. I bet you $1,000 that I can bite my eye.” “You have a bet!” the agent has a smug smile on his face. But it vanishes when the gambler takes out his glass eye and bites it. The agent did not see that coming, but he did agree to $1,000 in front of the gambler’s attorney. “Fine, that wasn’t fair,” says the gambler. “I’ll give you a chance to win your money back by betting another $1,000 that I can bite my other eye.” The agent looks through the guy’s paperwork and sees he’s not legally blind, so he takes the bet. To his horror, the gambler takes out his dentures and bites his other eye. Now he’s on the hook for $2,000. “You know what,” says the gambler, “Double or nothing; I’ll stand on the edge of your desk, close my eyes, piss into the garbage can on the other side of the room without spilling a drop. What do you say?” Perplexed but desperate, the agent agrees. The gambler stands on the desk, unzips his pants, closes his eyes, then pisses all over the agent’s desk. “YES!!!” exclaims the agent, glad he won’t owe the gambler anything. “Ah, shit.” sighs the attorney. “What’s the matter?” asks the agent. “Well… He bet me $20,000 that he’d come into your office today, piss all over your desk, and you’d be happy about it.”
Did you hear that the atheists are trying to get tax-exempt status now? They are a non-prophet organization.
How do stoner couples file their taxes? Jointly!
At the end of the tax year, the Taxation Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a local hospital. While the agent was checking the books, he turned to the executive of the hospital and said, “I notice you buy a lot of bandages. What do you do with the end of the roll when there’s too little left to be of any use?” “Good question,” noted the executive. “We save them up and send them back to the bandage company, and every once in a while, they send us a free roll.” “Oh,” replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way. ”What about all these plaster purchases? What do you do with what’s left over after setting a cast on a patient?” “Ah, yes,” replied the executive, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. “We save it and send it back to the manufacturer and every so often they send us a free bag of plaster.” “I see,” replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all executive. “Well, what do you do with all the remains from the circumcision surgeries?” “Here, too, we do not waste,” answered the executive. “What we do is save all the little foreskins and send them to the tax office, and about once a year they send us a complete prick.”
A teen boy is buying a pack of condoms for the first time… He sees the price is $10, but when he goes to pay it the register rings it up as $10.65. “What’s this 65 cents about?” He asks. The cashier says, “It’s for the tax.” “Ah. I was wondering how you keep these things on.”
Don’t get in line behind Lucifer at the tax office! The devil takes many forms.
A woman walks into an accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask you a few questions.” He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, “What’s your occupation?” “I’m a prostitute,” she says. The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says, ” Let’s try to rephrase that.” The woman says, “OK, I’m a high-end call girl”. “No, that still won’t work. Try again.” They both think for a minute; then the woman says, “I’m an elite chicken farmer.” The accountant asks, “What does chicken farming have to do with being a prostitute?” “Well, I raised a thousand cocks last year.” “Chicken Farmer it is.”
April Fools’ Day—occurring on April 1 each year—has been celebrated for several centuries by different cultures, though its exact origins remain a mystery. April Fools’ Day 2026 is on Wednesday, April 1. Traditions include playing hoaxes or practical jokes on others, often yelling “April Fools!” at the end to clue in the subject of the April Fools’ Day prank. While its exact history is shrouded in mystery, the embrace of April Fools’ Day jokes by the media and major brands has ensured the unofficial holiday’s long life.
Some historians speculate that April Fools’ Day dates back to 1582, when France switched from the Julian calendar to the Gregorian calendar, as called for by the Council of Trent in 1563. In the Julian Calendar, as in the Hindu calendar, the new year began with the spring equinox around April 1.
People who were slow to get the news or failed to recognize that the start of the new year had moved to January 1 and continued to celebrate it during the last week of March through April 1 became the butt of jokes and hoaxes and were called “April fools.” These pranks included having paper fish placed on their backs and being referred to as “poisson d’avril” (April fish), said to symbolize a young, easily caught fish and a gullible person.
Hilaria in Ancient Rome
Historians have also linked April Fools’ Day to festivals such as Hilaria (Latin for joyful), which was celebrated in ancient Rome at the end of March by followers of the cult of Cybele. It involved people dressing up in disguises and mocking fellow citizens and even magistrates and was said to be inspired by the Egyptian legend of Isis, Osiris and Seth.
There’s also speculation that April Fools’ Day was tied to the vernal equinox, or first day of spring in the Northern Hemisphere, when Mother Nature fooled people with changing, unpredictable weather.
History of April Fools’ Day
April Fools’ Day spread throughout Britain during the 18th century. In Scotland, the tradition became a two-day event, starting with “hunting the gowk,” in which people were sent on phony errands (gowk is a word for cuckoo bird, a symbol for fool) and followed by Tailie Day, which involved pranks played on people’s derrieres, such as pinning fake tails or “kick me” signs on them.
April Fools’ Day Jokes and Pranks
In modern times, people have gone to great lengths to create elaborate April Fools’ Day hoaxes. Newspapers, radio and TV stations and websites have participated in the April 1 tradition of reporting outrageous fictional claims that have fooled their audiences.
In 1957, the BBC reported that Swiss farmers were experiencing a record spaghetti crop and showed footage of people harvesting noodles from trees. In 1985, Sports Illustrated writer George Plimpton tricked many readers when he ran a made-up article about a rookie pitcher named Sidd Finch who could throw a fastball over 168 miles per hour.
In 1992, National Public Radio ran a spot with former President Richard Nixon saying he was running for president again… only it was an actor, not Nixon, and the segment was all an April Fools’ Day prank that caught the country by surprise.
In 1996, Taco Bell, the fast-food restaurant chain, duped people when it announced it had agreed to purchase Philadelphia’s Liberty Bell and intended to rename it the Taco Liberty Bell. In 1998, after Burger King advertised a “Left-Handed Whopper,” scores of clueless customers requested the fake sandwich. Google notoriously hosts an annual April Fools’ Day prank that has included everything from “telepathic search” to the ability to play Pac Man on Google Maps.
For the average trickster, there is always the classic April Fools’ Day prank of covering the toilet with plastic wrap or swapping the contents of sugar and salt containers.
When my children were young, on New Year’s Eve we would each make a resolution, and a prediction about what would happen in the New Year and place those in a sealed envelope. At the end of the year, we would open the envelope and see whose prediction came true and who kept up their resolution the longest. The older the kids got, the more savvy they got with their predictions (as in “I will break my resolution first” type of thing…lol) Oh, did I mention the $20 prize for the closest prediction?
May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions.
New Year, same me—because I’m already fabulous.
I will try to remember where I left my keys at least once a week.
Master the art of parallel parking (or continue to avoid it).
Develop the ability to remember names, even if it’s just my own.
I will strive to say ‘no’ more often… unless it involves dessert.
I promise to keep up with the latest technology, even if I have to ask my granddaughter for help.
I will strive to eat more greens, even if they’re just the M&M kind.
I promise to stretch regularly, reaching for the snacks on the top shelf counts, right?
I’ll try to remember to take my vitamins, or at least convince myself that gummy bears are a suitable substitute.
I vow to embrace my inner child and jump in puddles whenever it rains – because adulting can be overrated.
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Sew Colorful 