You Might Be a Redneck…

I found this list the other day, of over 200 of Jeff Foxworthy’s best “You might be a redneck…” jokes and I’d thought I’d share a bunch with you guys. I’m gonna break it up into a few opens here and there…Enjoy!!

The ASPCA raids your kitchen.

You own a homemade fur coat.

You have a rag for a gas cap.

You’ve ever bought a used cap.

You’ve ever financed a tattoo.

You prefer car keys to Q-tips.

You have an Elvis Jell-o mold.

You have ever used lard in bed.

You’ve ever stolen toilet paper.

Fewer than half of your cars run.

Your brother-in-law is your uncle.

You own at least 20 baseball hats.

Every electrical outlet in your house is a fire hazard.

Birds are attracted to your beard.

You pick your teeth from a catalog.

You’ve ever been too drunk to fish.

You bring your dog to work with you.

Your kitchen doubles as a bait store.

You’ve ever given rat traps as gifts.

You’ve ever used a Weed Eater indoors.

You have more guns than teeth.

Your dad is also your favorite uncle.

Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.

You’re considered an expert on worm beds.

You’ve ever parked a Camaro in a tree.

You burn your yard rather than mow it.

Your brother-in-law is also your uncle.

Your other truck is made by John Deere.

You take a fishing pole into Sea World.

Your gene pool doesn’t have a “deep end”

The primary color of your car is Bondo.

Your family’s No. 1 enemy is revenuers.

You own more cowboy boots than sneakers.

You’ve ever barbecued Spam on the grill.

You ever cut your grass and found a car.

You clean your fingernails with a stick.

You think suspenders are a type of shirt.

You consider “Outdoor Life” deep reading.

You’ve ever worn a tube top to a wedding.

You’ve ever raked leaves in your kitchen.

You wear cowboy boots with Bermuda shorts.

The Salvation Army declines your mattress.

You have every episode of Hee-Haw on tape.

You’ve totaled every car you’ve ever owned.

You go to a Tupperware party for a haircut.

Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.

You’ve ever bathed with flea and tick soap.

Your family tree doesn’t have any branches.

Your wife weighs more than your refrigerator.

You think the French Riviera is foreign car.

You ever lost a tooth opening a beer bottle.

Your school fight song was “Dueling Banjos”.

You keep a can of RAID on the kitchen table.

You consider the fifth grade your senior year.

Your home has more miles on it than your car.

Your mother has “ammo” on her Christmas list.

Your dog and your wallet are both on a chain.

Your dog can’t watch you eat without gagging.

You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen.

You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.

You’ve ever made change in the offering plate.

Your belt buckle doubles as a serving platter.

You use lava soap more than three times a day.

You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.

Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.

The main course at potluck dinners is roadkill.

Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

You think a Volvo is part of a woman’s anatomy.

You buy your wife tube socks at the flea market.

Your kids take a siphon hose to “Show and Tell.”

There is a stuffed opossum anywhere in your house.

You own more than 3 shirts with cut off sleeves.

You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.

Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

You think the stock market has a fence around it.

Your CB antenna is a danger to low-flying planes.

The Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice.

You think that Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug.

You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.

You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.

Your boat has not left the drive-way in 15 years.

You think a turtleneck is key ingredient for soup.

Your hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.

Your parakeet knows the phrase “Open up, Police!”.

You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.

Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.

Red man Chewing Tobacco sends you a Christmas card.

CHRISTMAS SURPRISE

In 2008, I was living with HB and SIL in a house in Manassas, VA on a major roadway with a lot of traffic, although it was only a two-lane road. It was Christmas but it was unseasonably warm that year. HB and SIL were watching TV and, of course, I was sitting at my computer, which was directly in front of a window.

I was sitting at the small window on the right.

All of a sudden, I heard a loud crash and looked up to see that an SUV had crashed into a tree across the street. It hit the tree and bounced back; I saw the driver’s door open and a man got out, with an obvious leg injury – he fell up against the SUV and kind of rolled down the side of it towards the front of the vehicle.

By the time I got up and went to the door, I could no longer see him. Behind the house across the street was a large wooded area – there was a driveway running down the side of the house towards the back. We called 911 to report it and then we all trooped outside to look; a woman had pulled over into our driveway so we chatted with her while we waited.

Within 5 or 10 minutes, the cops arrived and began searching for the driver, who was nowhere to be found. They told us the SUV had just been stolen from someone down the street. I told them that he was obviously injured but that was all I knew. They searched and searched and searched, and finally determined that he must have gone down the driveway into the woods. So they sent a car around to the other side of the woods to search from that side. They even had a helicopter up looking for him.

After about 45 minutes, another cop car pulled up with a canine unit. They brought the dog out and had him jump into the SUV to get the man’s scent. He jumped back down and went directly to the tree at the front of the SUV!

Turns out, the guy had buried himself in the leaves and was there the whole time!!!! They had never even looked there!!! We also found out he was an illegal – sometimes I swore half of Manassas was made up of illegals, there were so many, including MS-13!

HB and SIL had already made their decision by then to move to Nebraska. She was pregnant with Piper and wouldn’t be able to work and SIL had been laid off from his job. I had not yet decided to join them but, in March of 2009, I also lost my job as General Manager at ResoleAmerica. I decided God was telling me it was time to go home!!!!

Short Girls Rock!

That’s right…Short Girl Appreciation Day falls on the first day of winter…the shortest day of the year…coincidence? Sigh…I don’t think so!

Before anyone tries to disparage short girls or people in general, let me note that your hosts here are both SHORT women. We never ask about height, but it does come out during conversations…so if you’re short too…welcome! Be proud! If you’re tall…can you reach that box on that top shelf for me?

THIS IS FILLY!

Etymology of Words and Phrases, Part 6

TURN A BLIND EYE – The phrase “turn a blind eye”—often used to refer to a willful refusal to acknowledge a particular reality—dates back to a legendary chapter in the career of the British naval hero Horatio Nelson. During 1801’s Battle of Copenhagen, Nelson’s ships were pitted against a large Danish-Norwegian fleet. When his more conservative superior officer flagged for him to withdraw, the one-eyed Nelson supposedly brought his telescope to his bad eye and blithely proclaimed, “I really do not see the signal.” He went on to score a decisive victory. Some historians have since dismissed Nelson’s famous quip as merely a battlefield myth, but the phrase “turn a blind eye” persists to this day.

WHITE ELEPHANT – White elephants were once considered highly sacred creatures in Thailand—the animal even graced the national flag until 1917—but they were also wielded as a subtle form of punishment. According to legend, if an underling or rival angered a Siamese king, the royal might present the unfortunate man with the gift of a white elephant. While ostensibly a reward, the creatures were tremendously expensive to feed and house, and caring for one often drove the recipient into financial ruin. Whether any specific rulers actually bestowed such a passive-aggressive gift is uncertain, but the term has since come to refer to any burdensome possession—pachyderm or otherwise.

CROCODILE TEARS – Modern English speakers use the phrase “crocodile tears” to describe a display of superficial or false sorrow, but the saying actually derives from a medieval belief that crocodiles shed tears of sadness while they killed and consumed their prey. The myth dates back as far as the 14th century and comes from a book called “The Travels of Sir John Mandeville.” Wildly popular upon its release, the tome recounts a brave knight’s adventures during his supposed travels through Asia. Among its many fabrications, the book includes a description of crocodiles that notes, “These serpents sley men, and eate them weeping, and they have no tongue.” While factually inaccurate, Mandeville’s account of weeping reptiles later found its way into the works of Shakespeare, and “crocodile tears” became an idiom as early as the 16th century.

DIEHARD – While it typically refers to someone with a strong dedication to a particular set of beliefs, the term “diehard” originally had a series of much more literal meanings. In its earliest incarnation in the 1700s, the expression described condemned men who struggled the longest when they were executed by hanging. The phrase later became even more popular after 1811’s Battle of Albuera during the Napoleonic Wars. In the midst of the fight, a wounded British officer named William Inglis supposedly urged his unit forward by bellowing “Stand your ground and die hard … make the enemy pay dear for each of us!” Inglis’ 57th Regiment suffered 75 percent casualties during the battle, and went on to earn the nickname “the Die Hards.”

RESTING ON YOUR LAURELS: The idea of resting on your laurels dates back to leaders and athletic stars of ancient Greece. In Hellenic times, laurel leaves were closely tied to Apollo, the god of music, prophecy and poetry. Apollo was usually depicted with a crown of laurel leaves, and the plant eventually became a symbol of status and achievement. Victorious athletes at the ancient Pythian Games received wreaths made of laurel branches, and the Romans later adopted the practice and presented wreaths to generals who won important battles. Venerable Greeks and Romans, or “laureates,” were thus able to “rest on their laurels” by basking in the glory of past achievements. Only later did the phrase take on a negative connotation, and since the 1800s it has been used for those who are overly satisfied with past triumphs.

READ THE RIOT ACT – These days, angry parents might threaten to “read the riot act” to their unruly children. But in 18th-century England, the Riot Act was a very real document, and it was often recited aloud to angry mobs. Instituted in 1715, the Riot Act gave the British government the authority to label any group of more than 12 people a threat to the peace. In these circumstances, a public official would read a small portion of the Riot Act and order the people to “disperse themselves, and peaceably depart to their habitations.” Anyone that remained after one hour was subject to arrest or removal by force. The law was later put to the test in 1819 during the infamous Peterloo Massacre, in which a cavalry unit attacked a large group of protestors after they appeared to ignore a reading of the Riot Act.

PAINT THE TOWN RED – The phrase “paint the town red” most likely owes its origin to one legendary night of drunkenness. In 1837, the Marquis of Waterford—a known lush and mischief maker—led a group of friends on a night of drinking through the English town of Melton Mowbray. The bender culminated in vandalism after Waterford and his fellow revelers knocked over flowerpots, pulled knockers off of doors and broke the windows of some of the town’s buildings. To top it all off, the mob literally painted a tollgate, the doors of several homes and a swan statue with red paint. The marquis and his pranksters later compensated Melton for the damages, but their drunken escapade is likely the reason that “paint the town red” became shorthand for a wild night out. Still yet another theory suggests the phrase was actually born out of the brothels of the American West, and referred to men behaving as though their whole town were a red-light district.

BY AND LARGE – Many everyday phrases are nautical in origin— “taken aback,” “loose cannon” and “high and dry” all originated at sea—but perhaps the most surprising example is the common saying “by and large.” As far back as the 16th century, the word “large” was used to mean that a ship was sailing with the wind at its back. Meanwhile, the much less desirable “by,” or “full and by,” meant the vessel was traveling into the wind. Thus, for mariners, “by and large” referred to trawling the seas in any and all directions relative to the wind. Today, sailors and landlubbers alike now use the phrase as a synonym for “all things considered” or “for the most part.”

THE THIRD DEGREE – There are several tales about the origin of “the third degree,” a saying commonly used for long or arduous interrogations. One theory argues the phrase relates to the various degrees of murder in the criminal code; yet another credits it to Thomas F. Byrnes, a 19th-century New York City policeman who used the pun “Third Degree Byrnes” when describing his hardnosed questioning style. In truth, the saying is most likely derived from the Freemasons, a centuries-old fraternal organization whose members undergo rigorous questioning and examinations before becoming “third degree” members, or “master masons.

You will need to enlarge this to see details.

This one doesn’t provide any detail but the overall picture should give you an idea.

SPILL THE BEANS –

One explanation dates back to ancient Greece when people would use beans to vote anonymously. White beans were used for positive votes, and for negative votes, black beans or other dark-colored beans were used. These votes were cast in secret, so if someone knocked over the beans in the jar—whether by accident or intentionally—they “spilled the beans” and revealed the results of the votes prematurely. Eventually, in modern times, the phrase “spill the beans” came to mean “upset a previously stable situation by talking out of turn.”

DIME A DOZEN – After the dime was made in 1796, people started advertising goods for “a dime a dozen.” This meant you were getting a good deal on products, such as a dozen eggs. Over time, the idiom evolved to mean the opposite. Instead of something being a good deal, it became a phrase to describe something that’s not valuable and easily available. The first known use of it in this context is believed to have occurred in 1930. From there, people picked up on the phrase’s new meaning and started using it in that context.

Fruitcake

For some unknown reason (and I really don’t want to delve into the reason why), fruitcake is a holiday tradition. So, I thought I would share a recipe I found.

Holiday Fruitcake Recipe

1 cup water

1 cup sugar

4 large eggs

2 cups dried fruit

1 tsp baking soda

1 tsp salt

I cup brown sugar

4 Tbsp lemon juice

4 ounces of mixed nuts

1 gallon whiskey

Before you begin, sample the whiskey to check for quality.

Check the whiskey again to be sure it is of the highest quality. Pour one level cup and drink.

Repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 cup butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 tsp sugar and beat again.

Make sure the whiskey is still ok! Cry another tup.

Turn off mixer. Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl and chuckle in the cup of dried fruit.

Mix on the turner.

If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewsciver.

Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticaty.

Sift 2 cups of salt. Or something. Who cares?

Whisk the checky. Sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something…whatever you can find.

Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees.

Don’t forget to beat off the turner.

Throw the bowl out the window.

Check your whiskers again.

Go to bed. Who in the hell likes fruitcake anyway?

For the Love of Mutts!

I don’t know if the above dogs are pedigreed, but I doubt it really matters. Dogs are lovable no matter what their papers say. But today, December 2, is National MUTT Day, so we celebrate the mutt…with pictures of dogs…all kinds!!

Here’s to the silly ones!

Here’s to the stylish ones!

And most importantly…Here’s to all the lovable ones!!!

Why Christmas Trees are Better Than Men

A Christmas tree is ALWAYS erect.

Even small Christmas trees give satisfaction.

A Christmas tree stays up for 12 days and nights.

A Christmas tree always looks good-even when it’s lit.

A Christmas tree is always happy with its size.

A Christmas tree has cute balls.

A Christmas tree doesn’t get mad if you break one of its balls.

You can throw out a Christmas tree when it wears out.

You don’t have to put up with a Christmas tree all year.

You only have to feed/water a Christmas tree once a week.

Christmas trees will always be there to light up your life.

Christmas trees only get turned on when you want it to.

Christmas trees always smell nice and never pass gas.

If a Christmas tree needles you, you can toss it out.

Christmas trees don’t ask you to have little Christmas trees.

Etymology of Words and Phrases, Part 4:

No country has a closer association with the language of Olde Englande than the USA. From the days of the first Puritan settlers to recent cross-Atlantic tweetings, the two countries have shared in the development of English.

Many words and phrases used in the USA have retained their Elizabethan English meanings and pronunciations that have long disappeared in England itself. There are many American phrases which are used in the USA but haven’t been adopted anywhere else. Example of this are:

BLUE PLATE SPECIAL: Webster’s Dictionary defines ‘blue plate’ as a restaurant dinner plate divided into compartments for serving several kinds of food as a single order and a main course (as of meat and vegetable) served as a single menu item.

One early citation of the phrase is in this advert for the Young Women’s Christian Association, printed in the Illinois newspaper The Decatur Daily Review, September 1924. However, it is believed that the term blue plate special first appeared on menus of the Fred Harvey chain of restaurants in 1892. These were located at stations along the Atchison, Topeka and Santa Fe Railroad. The blue plate special was designed to allow passengers to grab a quick bite to eat when the train stopped.

LEAD-PIPE CINCH: The ‘cinch’ that this expression derives from is the Spanish/Mexican word for a horse’s saddle-girth – cincha. The word is recorded in English, as ‘synch’ and later ‘cinch’ in various Canadian and US sources from the 1860s onward. From the 1880s the use was extended into a verb form and things which were tightly secured were said to be ‘cinched’ – for example, this piece from The Manitoba Daily Free Press, December 1882: “The next movement was to throw the bull, and then cinch a lasso and rope tightly around his body.”

The word cinch was also used in the USA as the name of sturdy fixing brackets, which were secure and unlikely to come loose.

The figurative use of cinch, meaning to tie-up or make certain, in non-animal contexts began around the same time. The usage was often in contexts where the rich and powerful used their status to form monopolies or indulge in insider trading in order to cheat the general public. An example of this comes from the Illinois newspaper The Morning Review, December 1889: “The briber and bribed would sit down to a game of poker and a lead-pipe cinch was nothing to the sure thing the legislators had.”

The common usage of ‘cinch’ now, that is, to mean ‘easy’ rather than ‘secure’, comes from this ‘easy money’ association. In October of 1891, The Daily Morning Republican, listed a number of ‘cinch’ superlatives to describe a punter’s certainty that his horse Firenzo would win the next day:

“The track will be heavy tomorrow, and I’ve got a copper riveted, lead pipe, copyrighted, air tight cinch. Firenzo in the mud – she swims in it.”

EIGHTY-SIXED: The term is American and originated in the restaurant trade. Both meanings loosely refer to something that was previously okay becoming not okay. The earliest known example of the expression in print is found in the journal of the American Dialect Society -American Speech, 1936: “Eighty-six, item on the menu not on hand.”

The actual origin is uncertain but is often suggested to be one of these: (1) Chumley’s Bar and restaurant at 86 Bedford Street in Greenwich Village NYC; (2) a reference to article 86 of the New York state liquor code which defines when bar patrons should be refused service; and (3) from Delmonico’s Restaurant in New York City. Item number 86 on their menu, their house steak, was often unavailable during the restaurant’s early years.

PRESTO CHANGO: Presto chango is a variant of the earlier exclamation ‘hey presto,’ which is used primarily in the USA. Before either expression was coined, conjurers and other stage performers simply said ‘presto!’ to draw attention to the culmination of a trick.

Presto is an Italian word meaning ‘quickly’ and it was used in England with that sense from the 13th century. “Hey Presto” began being used in England in the 18th century. The English writer Henry Fielding used it in 1732 in his farce The Lottery.

We go forward to the 19th century and ‘presto chango’ began being used in the USA. It took various spellings – ‘presto change’, ‘presto changeo’ and ‘presto chango’. ‘Presto! change’ is recorded in England in 1824 and it soon migrated to the USA and became ‘presto chango.’ One early US example can be found at the Pensacola Gazette & West Florida Advertiser April, 1824: “A tailor cannot drop his bodkin, a brick mason his trowel, or a grocer his cent per cent on coffee and candles; and become my Lord Coke or Hale by a presto change” Another was in the Ohio newspaper The Huron Reflector, February 1844: “Hey! presto! chango! as the juggler says – Kitty Grimes was not to be married to James Duncan after all.” Although ‘presto change’ was first used in the UK, the ‘presto chango‘ form can be said to be American – in fact, few people outside the USA would know what it meant.

Considering the debacle of an election we just experienced, I thought the following words were appropriate!!!!

CHEAT: Under medieval law a title to real estate could lapse in many ways. Property affected by such a lapse was called an “escheat” and became forfeit to the king. These cases were so numerous that some rulers employed escheators to look after their interests. Usually working on a commission basis, these fellows seized property at every opportunity. If they didn’t violate laws, they certainly trifled with justice. Because of the questionable practices of these royal agents, it became customary to call any dishonest person a cheat.”

CON MAN: Hard times following the Civil War forced criminals to resort to all sorts of tricks to gain relatively small amounts of money. One of the most common was the sale of fraudulent mining stock. Investors were reluctant to advance funds without examining property, so swindlers adopted the practice of asking a victim to make a small deposit “just as a gesture of confidence.” The full amount was to be paid only after a trip to the West on the part of the purchaser.

A swindler would take the money advanced and decamp. This type of trick became known as the “confidence game” because it worked only if the victim had confidence in the proposal. Anyone who practiced confidence games came to be called a con man. This title was applied to many types of swindlers and is now used to describe a shrewd thief who finds suckers [voters] by means of the Internet or e-mail.

FEET OF CLAY: Nebuchadnezzar II was the Babylonian king who captured Jerusalem in 587 BD, destroyed the city, and took the Hebrew people into captivity, ending the Judean kingdom. The book of Daniel tells how the young Hebrew captive explained one of the king’s strange dreams. Nebuchadnezzar had seen a giant image with a golden head, silver arms and breast, brass thighs, and iron legs. Every part was metal except the feet, which were compounded partly of iron and partly of potter’s clay.

Daniel said that his feet made the metal figure vulnerable, meaning that Babylon would be broken into pieces. Impressed by this dramatic story, English readers of the Bible seized upon the weak spot of the strange figure as a symbol of weakness in general. Today, any noted person with a vulnerable point is still said to have feet of clay.

KANGAROO COURT: When the English explorer Capt. James Cook returned from Australia in 1771, he was branded a liar. People disbelieved his reports of a strange animal that hopped about on two legs and stood as high as a man, which he reported the natives called a “kangaroo.” Many who heard his accounts doubted their truth and there was great joking about kangaroos.

When a few specimens were brought to Europe, they created a sensation. Anything marvelous or unusual was likely to be termed “kangaroo.” For example, an 1835 issue of the Gentleman’s Magazine described an eccentric horseman as holding his reins with “kangaroo attitude.” Settlers in the New World used the word to stand for any type of irregular gathering. During Reconstruction following the Civil War, a “kangaroo convention” held in Virginia made national headlines.

Criminals who adopted the odd word applied it to a “court” held by inmates of prisons. In such a proceeding, old-timers charged newcomers with such offenses as breaking into jail or being lousy and trying to scratch. Influenced by the prominence of irregular political gatherings, any extra-legal sham hearing came to be known as a kangaroo court.

SMARMY: “Smarmy,” according to the Oxford English Dictionary, dates back to 1909 as an adjectival form of the word “smarm” or “smalm” which had been around for 100 years. Originally just a verb for smoothing, especially of hair, its meaning gradually moved to include the implication of a real smoothie. If you describe someone as smarmy, you dislike them because they are unpleasantly polite and flattering, usually because they want you to like them or to do something for them.

The Great Peeve War

There’s a war that has been raging for over 30 years that you’ve probably never heard of. It’s been happening right here in this country—right here in Pennsylvania as a matter of fact. Although I’m equally sure skirmishes have broken out all over the country—perhaps all over the world! It’s called The Great Peeve War.

The participants are well trained operatives. I myself began training when I was just a child. I observed my fellow combatants in their natural habitats, took note of their strengths—and more importantly—their weaknesses, waiting, watching for a chance to exploit them.

Typical warfare consisting of repeating everything your opponent said, and the patented “I’m rubber, you’re glue” tactic. And the more advanced “I’m not touching you” maneuver which required close proximity to your opponents. You also learned to identify your own weaknesses and develop hardened immunity to them. Constant practice ensured greater success on the battlefield and naturally, as we grew, so did our skills.

During my dating years, I perfected the “do you think she’s pretty?” and the “do I look fat in this outfit?” interrogation techniques. And my “What do YOU think?” look was deadly. And in those dating years, I also honed my defensive talents. Phrases like “my buddies want me to…” and “would you be mad if…” triggered my bullshit radar. I learned to counter, bob and weave and land a few well timed tears followed by a devastating look of betrayal. I was at the top of my game then.

But nothing could prepare me for The Great Peeve War! It’s a whole other animal. It’s subtle, it’s never ending, and it goes something like this. My husband and I disagree on something—could be major—or it could be minor—or it could be almost nothing at all. We walk away from each other (translation: we retreat to regroup). We avoid making any overt contact to allow each other to calm down, forget.

At this point I will notice my silverware drawer is messed up—spoons in the fork slot, knife handles in all directions! (SHOTS FIRED) Shrugging off the initial volley, I will go into the bathroom and drip water all over the sink and shower faucets leaving water spots. (RETURN FIRE) For good measure, I turn the toilet paper roll so it feeds from (gasp) THE BOTTOM. (LANDMINE ACTIVATED) Then I quietly leave the bathroom and prepare to hunker down.

Remaining ever vigilant, head on a swivel, I survey the Great Room—I sense it before I see it. Something is off and…there it is! The wine glass is on the coffee table sitting NEXT to the coaster–not on it! (DIRECT HIT) My eyes narrow, my breath hitches in my throat, but I compose myself. I pick up the glass, take it to my husband standing next to the sink and quietly ask, “Are you finished with this?” I smile sweetly and before he can answer, pour the remaining wine quickly down the drain. (BOOM) “Not the wine,” I hear him groan, “it was just an innocent bystander.”

He takes me by the hand and leads me to the sofa. “I’m sorry for everything,” he says.
“Let’s just forget it all and snuggle on the sofa and watch some tv.” I spy the romantic comedy dvd box on the coffee table now and smiling, settle in against his shoulder. (CEASEFIRE)

He picks up the remote and on comes…FOOTBALL…(HOSTILITIES RESUME)

Leftovers?

I always make turkey breasts for Thanksgiving—one on Thanksgiving and one the day after Thanksgiving, because I rarely have leftovers. Let me just say it up front—I do NOT like leftovers—hubby’s okay with them and always eats any leftovers, but Thanksgiving is a whole other animal! The day after Thanksgiving, my family is up for another round of the same meal. Rather than make double on Thanksgiving, I am more open to making the entire meal again…today.

Happy We-Don’t-Have-Leftovers Day!

JUST FOR FUN: If you’re not into Black Friday shopping and want something to do while eating your leftovers, here’s a takeoff from an Insta-Quiz from AARP:

Second to Last

“A” is the last letter of the most state names, 21 of them. (Without looking them up) name the 21 states.

AND, for good measure…

The letter in second place ends the names of 5 states. What’s that letter??