With the holidays fast approaching, I found an amazing diet designed to help you de-stress…and these days, who couldn’t use that??
Sample Menu
Breakfast
½ grapefruit
1 slice whole wheat toast-dab of butter
8 oz skim milk
Lunch
4 oz lean broiled chicken breast
1 cup steamed spinach
1 cup iced tea (no sugar)
1 Oreo cookie
Mid Afternoon Snack
The rest of the Oreos in the package
2 pints Rocky Road ice cream
Nuts, cherries, whipped cream
1 jar hot fudge sauce
Dinner
2 loaves garlic bread
4 cans lite beer or diet soda
1 large sausage, mushroom and cheese pizza
3 Snickers bars
Evening snack
Sara Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from the freezer)
Rules for this diet:
If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy car are canceled out by the diet soda.
When you eat with someone, calories don’t count if you don’t eat more than they do.
Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast, and, of course, Sara Lee Cheesecake.
If you fatten everyone around you, you will look thinner.
Movie related foods do not add calories because they are part of the entertainment package. Examples: Milk Duds, Red Hots, Tootsie Rolls and Red Vines
Cookie pieces contain no calories. The breaking process causes calories to leak out.
Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of cooking something.
Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. Examples: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and mashed potatoes.
Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.
Anything consumed while standing has no calories. This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.
Anything consumed from someone else’s plate has no calories since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to his plate. (We all know calories like to cling!)
Someone posted something about etymology and it caught my interest – IIRC, I have Duchess to thank!
I decided to do an open about the subject since I have a book about it. But there is so much more in the book than I can put in one open, I expect I’ll be doing more in the future. If anyone has specific words or phrases they are curious about, let me know and I’ll include it in a future open.
First, the definition of etymology:
– The origin and historical development of a linguistic form as shown by determining its basic elements, earliest known use, and changes in form and meaning, tracing its transmission from one language to another, identifying its cognates in other languages, and reconstructing its ancestral form where possible.
– The branch of linguistics that deals with etymologies.
– That part of philology which treats of the history of words in respect both to form and to meanings, tracing them back toward their origin, and setting forth and explaining the changes they have undergone.
CURSOR
It is a Latin term for “flowing” or “running” that gave rise to the word “cursive” to describe handwriting produced in flowing style. The flow of letters that is produced when a pen is guided by skilled fingers is an impressive art. The name for this efficient and effortless writing style, in this computer age, soon was adapted and bestowed upon the small marker that moves quickly and gracefully across a computer screen. The cursor blinks until it is stimulated into action.
Cursor
TO BOOT
Early computer programmers faced an obstacle: the memories of their computers were wiped clean each time the machines were turned off. To address this problem, the programmers needed to enter a short program called a “bootstrap loader” each time the machine was turned on. When the first desktops first came out, there was a “boot” disc that resided in one drive, while a data disk was in the second drive, where the work was saved. This is the portable laptop I used to take with me on business trips – note the 2 drives side-by-side.
COMPAQ Portable PC
Once this program was read, the computer could then perform more complex functions. The short program gave the machine a “bootstrap” it could then use to perform tasks; without it, the computer was useless. Over time, programmers figured out ways to design software so computers could perform this function automatically, and bootstrap loaders are now part of the basic make-up of any operating system. Pulling oneself up by the “bootstraps” is a means of restarting one’s situation. The expression lives on in the phrase to boot, which today simply means to turn it on, but reflects decades of efforts of computer programmers to make computers easier to use.
CD-ROM
As an abbreviation, this cluster of letters has come to function as a word naming a compact disc crammed with an immense amount of data, graphic material, music, or other sounds. The disc can be read and viewed and printed out, but can’t be altered, making deletion of selected portions impossible. Once the basic nature of this disc is understood, it makes complete sense that the abbreviation stands for “Compact Disc [with] Read-Only Memory.
HANDS DOWN
Plantation owners and merchant princes of colonial America took great interest in horse racing. For many generations major contests were supported largely by the wealthy. After the Civil War, promoters began bidding for attendance by the general public and racing then surged to new popularity and prominence.
Skilled jockeys made an art of timing the final spurt toward the ribbon; sometimes a fellow would be so far ahead of the field that he didn’t have to lift his hands in order to urge his mount forward. Expecting an easy victory, the backer of a horse would boast that his jockey would win hands down. Erupting from racetrack lingo about the turn of the last century, the phrase came to indicate any effortless triumph.
RAISE THE HACKLES
Medieval householders made wide use of flax, whose fibers are so tough they had to be carefully worked with a tool called the hackle. Farmers noticed that angry fowls have a way of raising the feathers on their necks. Disturbed in such a fashion, a bird looked as though someone had rumpled his feathers with a hackle. Hence by 1450, such feathers had taken the name of the combing tool.
Medieval Hackle
Since visible hackles indicated anger, it was natural to say that anything causing an outburst of rage raised the hackles of the offended person.
DERBY
England has few families whose blood is a deeper shade of blue than that of the Stanleys. Descended from an aide of William the Conqueror, this family came into possession of the earldom of Derby in the 15th century. Their name entered common speech because the 12th Earl of a lover of fast horses. With no specific desire for fame, Derby established an annual race for 3 year old horses; first run in 1780, it quickly became the most noted race in England.
American sportsmen who took in the races after the Civil War were impressed by the odd hats some of the English spectators wore. They brought a few of the “Derby hats” back to the US, where a new model was developed. Made of stiff felt with a dome-shaped crown and narrow brim, the derby won the heart of the American male. By the time the first Kentucky Derby was run in 1875, the derby was standard wear for the man of parts. It is merely incidental that the hat also brought a kind of immortality to the distinguished house of Derby.
English Bowler Derby
As a side note…..how did the Kentucky Derby get that name?
“The Kentucky Derby is America’s most celebrated horse race, but its inspiration comes from England.
Col. Meriwether Lewis Clark, founder of Churchill Downs, wanted to model the track’s major races after the English classics. The gold standard for Europe’s three-year-olds is the Derby at Epsom, which also stages the corresponding race for three-year-old fillies, called the Oaks.
Both the Epsom Derby and Oaks are contested at about 1 1/2 miles. And originally so were the Kentucky Derby and Oaks, in the early years since their inception in 1875. Both were eventually shortened, with the Kentucky Derby firmly established at its traditional 1 1/4-mile distance in 1896. The Oaks was subsequently held at distances ranging from 1 1/16 miles to 1 1/4 miles, finally settling at its current trip of 1 1/8 miles in 1982.
But why were the Epsom classics named the Derby and Oaks at their creation in the late 18th century? An aristocratic connection, of course!
The 12th Earl of Derby, Edward Stanley, was instrumental in the development of both. The fillies’ race was established first in 1779, and named after Stanley’s Surrey estate. Fittingly, he won that inaugural Oaks with Bridget.
That prompted the idea to create another classic, open to both colts and fillies, the following year. According to the oft-told tale, the new race’s name hung on the outcome of a coin flip. Was it to be named after the Earl of Derby, or after his friend, Sir Charles Bunbury? Luckily, the toss came up in favor of the Earl, and the first “Derby” was held at Epsom in 1780. Bunbury didn’t go home empty-handed: his Diomed triumphed in that first running.
With the Epsom Derby giving rise to so many spin-offs around the world, racing fans can be grateful for that toss of the coin. The “Kentucky Bunbury” just wouldn’t have the same ring to it.”
For more than two centuries, the English-speaking world has used the expression “stealing thunder” to mean the appropriation of any effective device or plan that was originated by someone else.
An obscure English dramatis was the father of the phrase. For the production of a play, John Dennis invented a new and more effective way of simulating thunder onstage. His play soon folded but shortly afterward he discovered that his thunder machine was in use for a performance of Macbeth at the same theater.
Dennis was furious!!! “See how the rascals use me?!?” he cried. “They will not let my play run, and yet they steal my thunder.
Did you ever hear that expression…”It’s not the destination…It’s the journey”?
Well, some people like to go out in style—and by some people I mean mostly men–but some of these hearses are pretty ingenious and they do cater to certain tastes.
The Ghostbuster Hearse
Tombstone Motorcycle Hearse
Venetian Water Hearse
REO Funeral Hearse
Bears Tailgate Hearse
Tesla Hearse
The Eureka Hearse
Armored Vehicle Hearse
Ferrari Hearse
1942 Cadillac Fleetwood
Shrine On WheelsHearse
Monster Soul CollectorHearse
1991 Toyota Crown Hearse
The Beluga Hearse
The Taxi Hearse
The Greenies Hearse
The Jetson Hearse
The “Even-the-Zombie-Apocalypse-Won’t-Stop-Us-From-Burying-You” Hearse
The All-in-OneHearse
and finally…The Cremator Hearse: it self cremates!
You can find all these options AND MORE at the links…LOL
When I was 19, my aunt, my cousin, and I planned and hosted an awesome Halloween party. My aunt and I worked together at the same factory, so our lunch times were spent planning and designing costumes, deciding on foods and decorations and the most important part—“games”.
We got a large oblong box from the shipping department and an empty cardboard roll from the fabric from the cutting room. We shaped and painted the box into a coffin and painted the roll gold and attached it as a handle. (We planned to put this on the coffee table and fill it with tubs of ice and drinks.)
Next, I made a life sized, stuffed dummy and a black hooded robe. For a face, I pulled a rubber skeleton mask over the head, then pulled the hood up. We sat the dummy—nicknamed Mr. Bones—in a chair behind the wet bar in my aunt’s basement. We planned to place him next to the stereo system and every time I changed the cassette (yup, that long ago!) I would playfully smack him and say, “Hey Mr. Bones!”
The night of the party, the basement was appropriately filled with cobwebs and flickering lights, hands crawling out from under the chairs and a cauldron in the corner with dry ice creating a little swirling mist. Our guests did not disappoint with their costumes! One of my cousins was a Lipton tea bag…
Another was a classic nerd…
We also had cheerleaders, nurses, werewolves and vampires.
The height of the party was a scavenger hunt outside, with prizes for the top three scores. The hunt, however, was just an excuse to get everyone out of the house, so we could pull a switch. My boyfriend, who supposedly couldn’t make it to the party, waited till he saw everyone scatter outside with their flashlights. He then snuck in the house. We took the mask and robe off the dummy and he put them on. Then he took Mr. Bones’ place behind the bar and waited.
Since we had a 30-minute time limit on the scavenger hunt he didn’t have to wait too long. We were amazed at the items the scavengers toted with them. One had the neighbor’s welcome mat, another had a Beware of the Dog sign, and one even brought a High School sign with him. (Which was amazing, since the clue was for a “sign” and we had over a DOZEN Happy Halloween signs in the front yard just for that reason.)
While we were tallying the scores to determine the winner of the scavenger hunt, I asked one of my friends to change the music behind the bar, so we could dance. When she started to go around the bar, I said, “don’t forget to say hi to Mr. Bones!” She tapped him playfully as I had done and said, “What’s up Mr. B?”
My boyfriend opened his eyes and hissed, “Happy Halloween Linda!”
She screamed and scrambled over the bar. The rest of the group stood stunned, while my aunt, my cousin, my boyfriend and I cracked up.
ARRRRGH….today be International Talk like a Pirate Day Matey! And it brings to mind a “pirate party” the family had 20 some years ago.
It was a snow day and I was home with both kids. Hubby had to head into work, and to distract the kids from worrying about their father, I announced that we’d be having a “pirate party” that evening after Dad got home. I told them they had the day to fashion pirate costumes, and there would be treasure for the best. I also said there would be a cupcake eating contest, and another game based on their current spelling words for the week. I pulled out all the craft supplies I thought they’d need and piled it on the table. I would only help if specifically asked. Then I began making the jumbo cupcakes for the contest.
Once the cupcakes were finished, I grabbed several brown paper bags, the scotch tape and a thick black marker. I cut the bottoms off the bags and opened them to lay flat. I taped two together and sectioned off 1-foot sections with the marker. Once I completed one plank, I made a second.
Next, I snagged the black poster board and the Cap’n Crunch box. Using the hat in the picture, I fashioned a hat for hubby—I had yet to clue him in that costumes were required…lol. I even added a white skull and crossbones in the center. I stapled the two pieces together and viola! Pirate hat! (By the way, it remains intact to this day—I keep it under the ink blotter on hubby’s oak desk.)
I took some red and white striped fabric and fashioned a head scarf for me and dug out my biggest hoop earrings. Now to find the blue picnic blanket and the squirt guns!
Hubby made it safely home and while we ate dinner the kids told him all about the party. They were very excited!! Neither had revealed any clues as to their costumes while we ate lunch and I admit to being anxious to see what they came up with! After eating, we did the dishes and the kids scurried upstairs to put on their costumes. I filled hubby in on my plans for the games and he balked at wearing the pirate hat. (When he saw how disappointed the kids were though, he gave in…how can you not love that man?)
When the kids came down the stairs, I was so impressed with their costumes. Both had used brown paper bags to create peg legs for themselves—wrapping it around their calves. My daughter created an eye patch, while my son used a dixie cup, paper and aluminum foil to create a hook for his hand. Both had newspaper hats. Hubby and I conferred and decided they both should win the $5 treasure.
The next “event” was the cupcake eating contest—and the rules were simple. First one to eat their entire cupcake—no hands allowed—would win an additional treasure. My daughter put up a valiant try, but in the end, my son would win. We sent them both upstairs to clean up while we cleaned up the dining room and set up the “finale” in the living room. We moved the coffee table, smoothed out the blue picnic blanket and arranged the 2 planks. They would each stand on the end of a plank, facing the sofa, where we sat. The finale was a spelling bee—I called the game “walk the plank”. The rules were easy—if you spelled your word correctly, you got to stay where you were. If you misspelled the word, you advanced one section of the plank.
What neither of the kids knew was what awaited the player who eventually ended up off the plank and in the water…lol. My son, the terrible speller that he was (and remains) found out. As he took the last step “off the plank” he said, “Now what?”
We pulled out the squirt guns, and got him soaking wet, yelling “SPLASH!”
Recent events have emphasized the need to shop early! Besides beating the crowds and garnering the best selection, prices are never going to be lower!
Let’s start with a stocking stuffer idea… MASKS! No, I’m not talking about the silly cv masks…I’m talking about the ones that cover up way more than a nose! Everyone who has a RINO on their shopping list knows their current masks are slipping and it’s time for some new ones. The Bushes and Mitt Romney are sporting the new We-Trust-the FBI look this coming election season. Intending to portray strength and trust in government agencies, it’s difficult to pull off and your most discerning patriots won’t even attempt to wear this. But if have a relative who believes 9-11 was a terrorist plot or that Romney is still a Republican, then this is definitely a MUST-HAVE!
For a personal gift, how about some of the new perfumes and colognes on the market right now? Joe Biden continues to wear the classic Obsession (with getting Donald Trump) cologne, while the Intelligence Community continues to peddle their favorite smell…OPPRESSION (of the truth). Merrick Garland hopes to corner the market with his latest offering OBSTRUCTION (of justice) but it doesn’t seem to be selling among the general population. They all seem to mirror the favorite scent of the left: DESPERATION. I do hope Michelle Obama buys Barrack a new cologne for Christmas though, because that stink he’s wearing now? follows him everywhere!
Another gift to consider is a plant. Not the poinsettias or small fir trees…no, we’re talking people whose loyalty can be bought or shifted after the fact. You can prebuy them—like gift cards!! Insert them into an opponent’s campaign or administration and at the time of your choosing, they’ll turn on your opponent. You wind them up and make them say whatever you want—it’s all the rage!!
If you’re looking for something a little more personal, there’s a new storage service that might be perfect! The FBI is offering compartments to store unsightly personal mementos that you can’t quite get rid of, but certainly do not want to store at your home. The cost? A healthy donation to the Democrat Party or one of their preferred candidates (they’ll provide you with a list–simply ask Alexa: who should I donate to? And a list will appear on your laptop—how convenient is THAT?) And then that racy diary or depraved laptop of your youth can be whisked away from public scrutiny forever!
But let’s get to the hottest gift this Christmas—JUDGES!!!! Judge shopping is a difficult task for sure. You have to find one that you control somehow—so that might not be an easy task. You might have to settle for a Magistrate—a step down from a judge—but realistically you might be able to fool your friends! It all depends on what you want your judge to do—they do come with optional activist packages (see SCOTUS Sotomayer) but that can be expensive! If you’re going to need your judge over and over though, it might be well worth the investment!
I hope these shopping tips have been useful. Christmas really is a magical holiday!! HO, HO, HO!
I came across an “Executive Test” that I thought was very telling. The questions are not that difficult and the answers are included.
How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
CORRECT ANSWER: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.
How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
WRONG ANSWER: Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the door.
CORRECT ANSWER: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant, and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your actions.
The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend but one. Which animal does not attend?
CORRECT ANSWER: The elephant. The elephant is still in the refrigerator. This tests your memory.
There is a river you must cross, but it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do you manage to cross it?
CORRECT ANSWER: You swim across. All the crocodiles are attending the animal conference. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.
According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the executives they tested got all the questions wrong. But many preschoolers got several correct answers. Anderson says this conclusively disproves the theory that most executives have the brains of a four-year old.
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. “Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.” The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.” The Chicago contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to theWhite House official and whispers, “$2,700.” The official, incredulous, says, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?” The Chicago contractor whispers back, “$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence.” “Done!” replies the government official. And that, my friends, is how the new stimulus plan will work.
On his deathbed, a lifelong Republican supporter suddenly announced that he was switching to the Democrats. “I can’t believe you’re doing this.” said his friend. “For your entire life you’re been a staunch Republican. Why would you want to become a Democrat now?” “Because I’d rather it was one of them that dies than one of us.”
A thief stuck a pistol in a man’s ribs and said, “Give me your money.” The gentleman, shocked by the sudden attack, said “You cannot do this, I’m a United States congressman!” The thief said, “In that case, give me my money!”
A bus full of politicians was moving along the country road. Then it crashed into the tree and overturned. Blood and glass were everywhere. A middle-aged farmer working on the field nearby saw the accident and decided to help: he dug a huge hole and buried all the politicians who were still alive. He thought he did his country a good service.
Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100? A: Your Honor.
Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? A: Senator.
The two U.S. cities with the highest alcohol consumption are Las Vegas and Washington, DC. The difference between the two is that in Washington the drunks are gambling with our money.
Terrorists have hijacked a plane filled with politicians…They say they will release one politician per hour if their demands aren’t met.
Three burglars break into a building and are confronted by a soldier, a cop, and a politician. The politician tells the soldier to kill Burglar #1, and the two stab each other to death. The politician then tells the cop to arrest Burglar #2, and the two beat each other unconscious. The politician then walks up to Burglar #3 and says “I just saved your life, your freedom, and tripled your share of the loot. I think 20% is a fair cut.”
“Politics” is derived from the words “poly” meaning “many”, and “tics” meaning “blood-sucking parasites.” – first said by Larry Hardiman.
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Sew Colorful 