There’s a really good, older country song called “Ladies Love Country Boys” by Trace Adkins. These are the lyrics:
“Ladies Love Country Boys”
She grew up in the city in a little subdivision Her daddy wore a tie, mama never fried a chicken Ballet, straight-As, most likely to succeed They bought her a car after graduation Sent her down South for some higher education Put her on the fast track to a law degree
Now shes coming home to visit Holding the hand of a wild-eyed boy With a farmers tan
Shes riding in the middle of his pickup truck Blaring Charlie Daniels, yelling, Turn it up! They raised her up a lady but theres one thing They couldnt avoid Ladies love country boys
You know mamas and daddies want better for their daughters Hope theyll settle down with a doctor or a lawyer And their uptown, ball gown, hand-me-down royalty
They never understand why their princess falls For some camouflage britches and a southern-boy-drawl
Or why shes riding in the middle of a pickup truck Blaring Hank Jr., yelling, Turn it up! They raised her up a lady but theres one thing They couldnt avoid Ladies love country boys
You can train em, you can try to teach em Right from wrong but its still gonna turn em on
And they go riding in the middle of a pickup truck Blaring Lynyrd Skynyrd, yelling, Turn it up! You can raise her up a lady but theres one thing You just cant avoid Ladies love country boys They love us country boys
Upon hearing this the other day, I realized instead of blindly accepting Mr Adkins’ lyrics, I would fact check them…it’s all the rage, right? Will country boys have the STATS? (STATS: Smile, Transportation, Attitude, Talent, and Sex Appeal.)
Let’s start with Smile…a city guy smiling…
versus a country boy smiling.
NO CONTEST! Am I right???
Let’s talk transportation…city guy transportation:
versus country boy transportation:
hmmmmm…little scooter versus a pick-up truck? Can two even ride those scooter things?
“A” is for attitude. Compare the attitude of a city guy…
with a country man’s attitude:
I don’t know about you, but i think the merman is creepy!
When it comes to talent, a lot of city guys are limited to destructive screaming and protesting…
but country boys have impressive, life affirming talents.
Which brings us to sex appeal. This is a typical city man…
Many years ago, when all of our families were younger and we lived much closer to one another, we had wonderful picnics and parties. We would rotate who hosted, who brought the meats, who was in charge of games for the kids and so on. No one family was stuck doing it all, all the time.
not us, but could be
There were traditions, of course, my mom made the potato salad and I was always in charge of games. My mother-in-law always made either the beans or occasionally mac & cheese. Her beans, though, were the STANDARD for baked beans! They were homemade, soaked overnight, honest to goodness baked beans! And the flavor? Perfection! So much so that my sister-in-law and I repeatedly asked for her recipe.
She always promised to give us the recipe, but event after event would pass, and still we were recipe-less. One day, while we were planning the next picnic, my sister-in-law and I decided we would tag team her to get the recipe. (After all, she never said it was her own secret, never-to-be-revealed recipe. That we would have respected.) When we invited her and my father-in-law (it was at my sister-in-law’s house this time), I told her I would come over the morning of the picnic and help with the beans. That way, I told her, I could write the recipe down as we made the beans and she wouldn’t have to worry about it.
Imagine my surprise when she told me she already had it written down for us! And true to her word, she brought us each a recipe card! I tucked the card into my purse, and didn’t give it another thought. A few weeks later, I was planning hamburgers for supper and pulled out the recipe to make a pot of beans. Hmmmmm…there was no need to soak beans overnight? Her recipe was just throwing ingredients into a casserole, baking for half an hour, stirring and repeating that process 2 more times. Puzzled, I called her and asked. Sure enough, she said she no longer soaked the beans, just used northern beans and assured me this was her recipe.
At dinner that night, the beans were good, but not my mother-in-law good, so the next day I called my sister-in-law. I wondered if she made the beans and how they turned out. She said she tried the recipe—and while they were good—they weren’t quite like our mother-in-law’s. We puzzled over it for a bit, and then she asked, do you think it’s the Worcestershire Sauce? I asked what Worcestershire Sauce? Hmmmmmmm…as we compared the recipes, each of our recipes contained ingredients the other did not. Sigh…
When we confronted my mother-in-law about the discrepancies, she denied knowing that she did that. She explained that she was always “tweaking” the recipe and we both got possible versions. Neither of us bought the excuse, but filed it under “keeping the family peace” and moved on.
Several years later, my mother-in-law passed away suddenly and since my sister-in-law was no longer a part of the family, my daughter and I were tasked with cleaning out her kitchen. We came upon the recipe box and sat down to thumb through the recipes. My daughter was anxious to “inherit” the mac & cheese and nut tassie recipes and I was curious about the beans. None of those was in the box. We were stumped. Perhaps she had her recipes memorized and never wrote them down?
We moved on to other cabinets and eventually found the casserole dish she always brought the mac and cheese in. My daughter gleefully claimed the dish. If she couldn’t have the recipe, she could at least have the dish! Then she opened the freezer. There on the shelf were a half dozen Stouffer Mac & Cheese dinners…the size that would fit perfectly into the casserole dish she was holding.
Our eyes locked over the casserole dish and we burst out laughing. To this day, I will always believe I am making the best baked beans there is. Here is my adopted recipe:
Summer is the perfect time for a redneck party and I have all sorts of ideas for attire, food, games and prizes!
ATTIRE:
Redneck parties don’t require any formal attire. Men, you can’t go wrong with jeans or overalls, plaid shirts or patriotic shirts, and boots or even bare feet.
these guys nailed it!
Women, you’re gonna be styling in any beer related apparel, kudos if you can add a pregnancy feature and an all important ankle monitor! Fake tattoos, cowboy boots and hats are always crowd pleasers!
aren’t they pretty?
FOOD:
Any good picnic starts with a good quality grill…
notice the convenient attached cooler!it’s PORTABLE!Multi-functional!
Now that the grill’s set, let’s talk food…
If you can’t find actual possum stew, any chunky stew will suffice. Or, you can work with whatever you have on hand…
But the spam fries are a got-to-have!
Add lots of beer, hot dogs for your more finicky crowd and some pork rinds and you’re good to go!
But don’t forget dessert…
GAMES & PRIZES:
If you made the possum stew from scratch…save the TAIL! You can play pin the tail on the possum!
And while you’re saving things…save those empty beer or soda boxes! You can stuff them with twinkies or ho-hos, add a few streamers–no reason it can’t be festive–and make a pinata!
And there’s practically no limit to the games you can create using a toilet seat, like horseshoes!
And don’t forget to reward your picnic guests with some great prizes for participating–bird feeders, wind chimes, flashlights or even back scratchers!!
So get your redneck on with confidence this summer!!
I came across this list the other day: The funniest Town Name in Each State by mentalfloss.com The list was posted in 2017, so hopefully the towns are still there!
1. ALABAMA // SCREAMER
2. ALASKA // UNALASKA
3. ARIZONA // WHY
4. ARKANSAS // SMACKOVER
5. CALIFORNIA // ROUGH AND READY
6. COLORADO // NO NAME
7. CONNECTICUT // HAZARDVILLE
8. DELAWARE // CORNER KETCH
9. FLORIDA // TWO EGG
10. GEORGIA // CLIMAX
11. HAWAII // VOLCANO
12. IDAHO // SLICKPOO
13. ILLINOIS // SANDWICH
14. INDIANA // SANTA CLAUS
15. IOWA // WHAT CHEER
16. KANSAS // GAS
17. KENTUCKY // BUGTUSSLE
18. LOUISIANA // UNEEDUS
19. MAINE // BURNT PORCUPINE
20. MARYLAND // BORING
21. MASSACHUSETTS // BELCHERTOWN
22. MICHIGAN // HELL
23. MINNESOTA // NIMROD
24. MISSISSIPPI // HOT COFFEE
25. MISSOURI // TIGHTWAD
26. MONTANA // PRAY
27. NEBRASKA // MAGNET
28. NEVADA // JIGGS
29. NEW HAMPSHIRE // SANDWICH
30. NEW JERSEY // LOVELADIES
31. NEW MEXICO // CANDY KITCHEN
32. NEW YORK // NEVERSINK
33. NORTH CAROLINA // WHYNOT
34. NORTH DAKOTA // CANNON BALL
35. OHIO // KNOCKEMSTIFF
36. OKLAHOMA // GENE AUTRY
37. OREGON // ZIGZAG
38. PENNSYLVANIA // INTERCOURSE
39. RHODE ISLAND // WOONSOCKET
40. SOUTH CAROLINA // KETCHUPTOWN
41. SOUTH DAKOTA // MUD BUTTE
42. TENNESSEE // DIFFICULT
43. TEXAS // DING DONG
44. UTAH // MEXICAN HAT
45. VERMONT // SATANS KINGDOM
46. VIRGINIA // BUMPASS
47. WASHINGTON // HUMPTULIPS
48. WEST VIRGINIA // LICK FORK
49. WISCONSIN // BOSSTOWN
50. WYOMING // CHUGWATER
Pat’s Note: I have been to Intercourse, PA…it’s not far from Blue Ball…have we got a sense of humor in PA or what?
Spring is a time of renewal, rebirth. A chance to clean the slate and start again. Sweep out the old and usher in the new…
Every spring, households across the country engage in a ritual called Spring Cleaning. Pre-covid, my ritual was simple yet satisfying. I would target an area in the house, clean and organize, and remove any unwanted or unnecessary items.
NOT our house–I would freak out
But, Post-covid, that wonderful process has completely fallen apart. An interloper has intruded onto the scene and is hindering my best attempts to complete my mission!
Just the other day I was spring cleaning the kitchen, the refrigerator specifically. Following the previously tested and approved process, I would remove all the items from a shelf. Then I would check the expiration date on the package…tossing those whose freshness had passed. The surviving items I would wipe with a clean cloth and after washing the shelf, put the cleaned items back.
But that was all destroyed by covid.. I was removing items, checking their freshness dates and tossing the bad ones into the trash. Or at least I thought I was. As I was tossing items in the trash, hubby–better known around here as the Interloper–was removing them!
“I can still eat this…” he’d say, removing a jar of garlic olives.
“But you haven’t yet…” I told him, taking the olives back and tossing them again.
“But I will now.”
And the olives were placed BACK on the shelf. A container of yellow mustard followed the same route…and he only eats Golden Mustard…back on the shelf it went.
Finally, I tossed a can of biscuits that had seen better days…nearly a month after it’s expiration date. The Interloper insisted HE would make them with our dinner that evening and removed them from the trash, smiling. I had my doubts, but I returned his smile. I was picturing the day he would be enjoying garlic olives, alongside his mustard covered biscuits!
UPDATE:
Later that afternoon, I was sipping some tea, enjoying a cookie (or 3), when I heard a gunshot!! Frantic, I jumped up and ran right into the Interloper–who had also heard the gunshot! Confused, we searched high and low but saw nothing or no one who could have fired a gun. The mystery, however, was solved when I opened the refrigerator…the dang biscuit can exploded all over my clean refrigerator!
Before we moved to upstate Pennsylvania, I lived and worked in the southeastern part of the state at a logistics company. They moved cargo and containers from ports and railways all across the country. I was the “Cash Applications Manager”…lol…fancy title I know, and I was friends with several other managers in the company.
One of my best friends there, Jane, and I would walk every day we could, right after lunch. The building we worked out of, was nestled in a small industrial section of Bethlehem, and was not far from a main thoroughfare in the city. One sunny afternoon, we were feeling pretty ambitious and decided to take the “long” way back the office.
I could smell the air changing as we walked and a puzzled look must have crossed my face because Jane asked me what was wrong. “Can’t you smell it?” I asked.
She looked around briefly, sniffed and said “Just Born.”
Just Born is the maker of the famous Peeps…and jelly beans…and all sorts of wonderful candy. On most days when we walked far enough, or the wind was blowing just right, we could smell jelly beans being made–the fruity smells filling the air!
Of course, Just Born also is the home of the famous Peepmobile!
Peeps are not to everyone’s taste, but I love them! I enjoy mine stale. I remove the plastic wrapping from the peeps and let them sit out for a while to develop a crunchy outside…YUM!
Okay, OUR pond monster wasn’t quite this glorious or famous…but what an adventure!
We begin the tale on an average evening in April here in the Pennsylvania mountains, where an…ah…older couple have just finished their dinner and are doing the dishes, looking out at their quaint little pond.
not us by the way
Suddenly my husband notices a “black spot” on the pond and points…”What’s that, do you think?” I respond that i haven’t a clue. Since it was getting darker and there are no lights out near the pond and, of course, we wanna veg for the evening, we agree it’s nothing. Watching Third Rock from the Sun on dvd, laughing about aliens from another planet, makes us forget all about whatever is IN the pond.
In the morning, we continue our daily lives as though nothing happened the night before-no mysterious sighting in the pond. I do laundry, have coffee, peruse my favorite websites. Hubby gets his coffee and heads to his home office to begin his day.
I start to do the breakfast dishes and notice it’s raining…and my gaze wanders to the pond…the THING is still there…IN THE SAME SPOT. In our little pond, we have 2 outfall pipes to keep the water level as consistent as possible (droughts notwithstanding). Water enters the pond from the left (from my vantage point) via a waterfall and the outfall pipes are directly across the pond to the right. The THING in the pond is in the direct path of the incoming water but is NOT being drawn to the outfall pipes!
All at once, the rain becomes heavier…and as i watch, the THING in the pond moves! Not toward the pipes, but towards me! Well okay, it’s still in the water but it’s moving towards the pond’s edge. I call out to hubby that I’m going to investigate!! He laughs–imagine–he laughs! “It’s probably dirt or leaves or something.” I grab the binoculars and I see 2 white spots on the black THING–I yell–“IT’S GOT EYES!!!!!”
I yank on my rain slicker, grab the rolling pin (the handiest weapon I have in the kitchen) and storm out!
not me, again
I hear hubby laughing behind me as I charge the pond, determined to see what has invaded us! As we near the water’s edge, I can see it has moved even closer and I raise my rolling pin, almost clubbing hubby who now is as intrigued as I about IT. It’s turning in the water…this is just not dirt! Although there appeared to be twigs and leaves entwined together…there is something steering the small dark mass…it turns…and turns… and then we get a look at the driver…
A frog…the biggest darn frog I’ve seen to date around here…but just a frog.
Well, that’s what counts as an adventure around these parts.
In honor of the holiday named for politicians (April Fools, I made that up), I am proposing a simple game. Try to determine which of the following statements are true or made up. Sounds simple, right? Ready?
The original London Bridge is currently in Arizona.
2. You can purchase alien abduction insurance in Florida.
3. KFC produced edible nail polish in Hong Kong in the flavors Original and Hot & Spicy.
4. There’s a church–The United Church of Bacon–whose mission statement is “Hail Piggy, full of grease, the Lard is with thee.”
5. There was a program in NYC & Washington,DC called Joints for Jabs which provided a rolled joint upon proof of vaccination.
So what do you think? Got these figured out?
Take your time…I can wait…
Okay…here we go…
The original London Bridge IS in Arizona.
Where is the London Bridge in Arizona? The London Bridge is in Lake Havasu City, Arizona, at the northern and western edges of the Sonoran Desert. It was originally located in London, England, where it spanned the River Thames for over 130 years. There have actually been several different bridges called the London Bridge in the same location along the Thames over the past 2,000 years. This London Bridge was built to replace the Old London Bridge in 1831, which had been in place for over 600 years. The old bridge was too narrow to support the volume of traffic crossing each day, and its narrow arches blocked boat traffic on the river.
Robert McCulloch, an American business owner and millionaire who was building Lake Havasu City at the time, saw the bridge sale as an opportunity to attract tourists and residents to his new Arizona city. He put in a bid of $2.4 million for the bridge, doubling how much it would cost the city of London to dismantle the bridge, and adding $60,000 – $1,000 for each year of his age when the bridge was reconstructed in Lake Havasu City. His bid was accepted, and work began to dismantle the bridge and transport it across the Atlantic Ocean to the United States.
2. You CAN purchase alien abduction insurance in Florida.
UFO Abduction Insurance Company
This Florida insurer has been writing alien abduction insurance policies since 1987. Located in Altamonte Springs, the company says its policies are perfect “for anyone who thinks they have everything covered.”
You can purchase $10 million in alien abduction insurance for a single lifetime premium of $19.95. You’ll receive a “gold bordered” policy claim form and a frequent flyer endorsement, according to the company’s website.
Policyholders can claim the $10 million if they can prove they were taken by “aliens not from this planet” and then returned. Of course, they will need one of the aliens on the ship to sign the claim form. Once a claim is approved, the beneficiary will be distributed $1 a year for 10 million years, or until their passing.
This payout doubles to $20 million if the aliens insist on conjugal visits, if the encounter results in any offspring, or if the aliens refer to the abductee as a nutritional food source.
4. There IS a church in Las Vegas called The United Church of Bacon. Their mission statement is “Hail Piggy, full of grease. The Lard is with thee.”
The church’s clergy members — who have the authority to officiate weddings and conduct baptisms and funerals — are called friars. The opening lines of “Hail Piggy: A Prayer for Bacon,” a play on Catholicism’s “Hail Mary,” are a medley of porky puns, such as, “Hail Piggy, full of grease, the Lard is with thee.” Clearly, some flavorful strategy has been put into the congregation’s principles.
5. There WAS a program in NYC and Washington DC called “Joints for Jabs” giving every person who had at least I cv shot a free joint.
Authorities in the US capital have been working around the clock to open up the state, as seen by the relaxing of its prior restrictions against breweries, pubs, salons, restaurants and so on – where some of these now even give out a free appetiser, drink or cup of coffee for proof of vaccination. Others were even authorised to arrange prize giveaways and free tickets to landmark sports events. However, their most daring venture yet just saw them setting up the ‘Joints for Jabs’ program, which aims to incentivise the vaccine rollout by giving out a free ‘blunt’ to each successful recipient of the vaccine – yes, you heard me, free weed for anyone who gets vaccinated!
These days it seems the current administration wants to jam electric vehicles down our throats! They complain that fossil fuels are damaging the planet but completely ignore the damage done in mining the earth for the components of electric car batteries. And not a peep about the enormous cost to replace those batteries!
But I think redneck vehicles offer very competitive options in these tough economic times. The first such option is hybrids…rednecks wrote the book on hybrids!
stylish and functional!does your truck have stadium seating?switching to natural energy? not a problem!
And these vehicles offer many of the same popular standard options just like other cars…bench seating for instance…
power windows…
anti theft devices…
But the biggest selling point might have to be affordable repairs.
And let’s not forget STYLE! You’re gonna turn heads in these babies…no doubt! No assembly line, boring, everyone’s got the same car for you!
Sew Colorful 