On our recent trip home, we encountered some good stuff, some bad stuff, and some what-the-hell stuff.
First off, there’s some new Trump flags out there (3 just in my little town!) showing President Trump’s face with the phrase—“I’ll be back in 2024!” That’s a good thing!
Another good thing is a new billboard in Williamsport. It has Dolly Parton on it asking us all to “Find the good in everyone. Kindness…pass it on!” Some people can be hard to reckon with, but it did remind me to work to avoid becoming what I despise, so that’s a good thing too! And then there were all the job postings on the semi-trucks that kept passing us. Phone numbers and pleadings for workers: good pay, no cross-country trips, home every night. So, there’s plenty of jobs available and THAT’S a good thing!
But guess what we heard repeatedly on the trip down? Covid cases are on the rise again. I mean, really? If you listen to the entire blurb though, the previous week there were 2 cases and now there are 5! (Could these additional cases be family members? Who else would be taking the dang tests again?) And THIS little gem. A commercial discussing how drugs are being laced with fentanyl and people are accidentally dying. So, rather than closing the border and trying to prevent the crap from entering the country OR cracking down on fentanyl source or sellers, a company has developed fentanyl test strips. Their pitch? “Better safe than sorry”….call and order now! So Big Pharma benefits again? And maybe using the same manufacturer that gave us counterfeit covid test strips?
And then this: I rarely watch traffic when we drive on the highway—people can drive like idiots. But the truckers caught my attention with their job listings on their containers. As I read them, I started to notice something else—other vehicle’s license plates. There were dozens of other states –like CA, FLA, MASS, CO, IND, NJ, NY and I said something to hubby, who laughing said—yeah that’s weird. Other states’ car on our INTERSTATE. OOOOOPS! LOL
Putting that aside, there were other WTH moments. For instance, on our drive down our little dirt road early Friday morning, we saw something orange ahead on the side of the road. Sure enough, when we got there, it was an uneaten, unmolested, orange. In the middle of nowhere…no other garbage around…just sitting there. WTH?
Further along in the trip, we came upon the white cows again. The road splits an enormous pasture and infrequently we see herds of white cows on both sides of the road. The pastures are gated with chutes and sometimes the cows are on one side or the other and sometimes both. The strange part? There are no homes or barns in any direction. In 17 years, I have never seen anyone moving the cows…WTH?
Lastly, I heard this AAA radio ad on the way home Sunday. AAA is offering to assist older people with applying for Medicare. I used to work at AAA (in accounting) and they did have an insurance component for homes and vehicles, but their bread and butter was travel and roadside help. WTH?
I did spend an entire Saturday afternoon listening to Mom read all the recipes in her favorite recipe book to me…lol. But I did bring home some new recipes to try while keeping Mom happy. Win/win.
Today is National (yup, another one) Gorgeous Grandma Day. I could post pictures of gorgeous older women, who most likely had botox or plastic surgery in search of being glamorous at whatever age they are. But that’s not my style…LOL. I would rather present pictures and memes of Grandmas being Grandmas and not wannabe sex objects. So let’s celebrate Grandmas and LAUGH today, because I think laughter IS sexy!
If you want something done, ask a busy person. I found this statement to true almost all the time.
In order to take advantage of college grant money available only to full time students, I went to evening college four nights a week. (Full disclaimer: my first semester, I was not allowed to be full time—I had to prove myself. I took 3 classes, paid for them myself and aced them. I was then permitted to go four nights a week.)
My son and I were living with my parents and my mom watched him during the days until a daycare opening became available. So, I had to find babysitters for him 3 nights a week (Mom would do it one night). I made weekends as special as possible and I made my son a promise that as soon as I graduated, we would go to Disney in Florida. (This was over 35 years ago, mind you.)
Time passed. I worked full time days, went to classes 4 night a week and spent weekends pouring over brochures with my son mapping out our week in Florida. Then, in my last summer session, my son asked me to invite Jenny’s Dad to his birthday party. I asked about her mom too, but my son said no! I did as he wished and got a call a few nights later from Jenny’s Dad asking me what my son wanted for his birthday. We started talking and comparing exes and we laughed and laughed. Then he asked me out…
Three months later we were engaged and planning a June wedding.
Over my Christmas break, we booked the Chapel at my college, the reception hall, the caterer, the DJ, and met with the Priest. Since by that time, my first husband had passed away, I was free to remarry in the Catholic faith. Hubby, however, was not Catholic, but his first wife was.
He would need to annul his first marriage…
Fortunately, they were not married in a Catholic church and his ex-wife was eager to remarry herself, so she agreed. We would still need to attend “marriage classes” and they were on Saturdays. Could I fit more into my jam-packed schedule??
When my final semester approached, I was studying at work—reciting my notes while I sewed, amusing the Syrian women on either side of me who didn’t understand a word of what I was saying.
Weekends were a whirlwind—marriage classes, shopping for dresses for the bridal party and my mom, spending time with the kids, and solidifying our travel plans to Florida—a promise is a promise!
My own search for a wedding dress was fruitless. My parents adored my prospective second husband and wanted to pay for at least my dress (we were paying for everything else), but every dress was soooo expensive. I decided to make my own.
For about $60 in fabric, lace and trims, I would have the dress I wanted. I just had to find the time to make it!
May finally came and I took my finals. They were a breeze. (Yeah, I’m bragging, sue me…lol)
Next up was the trip to Disney with my son, and HIS first plane ride. At the airport we were told our commuter flight to Philly was canceled but they could get us on another one—but we couldn’t sit together!
This plane was a puddle jumper and only had a few rows of 3 seats. The only remaining seats were in the middle of two rows, one behind the other. I asked everyone around us if they would move so we could sit together but no one wanted to do that…so I slid my arm between the seats and held his hand throughout the entire (blessedly short) flight. We sat next to each other on the larger plane to Florida and we had a blast in Disney.
When we got back to PA, it was the end of May and I was looking forward to starting, yep, STARTING my wedding gown. Mother Nature had other plans.
I caught bronchial pneumonia. It left me drained, and most evenings all I wanted to do was sleep. It took two weeks for me to finish a rough version of the wedding gown. (I decided to use cheaper fabric to make a “practice” dress—fitting it and changing it before using my intended fabric.) I was still working during the week and the weekends were filled with bridal showers, assembling centerpieces and favors and still blending our soon-to-be-family.
Finally, our wedding day arrived with a surprise.
One of the groomsmen brought a limo for us from the company he worked for. We already had the bridal car decorated and my brother was our driver. Then the groomsman told us HE alone was permitted to drive the limo. I told hubby to make the decision and after he smoothed things over with my brother, he decided to use the limo.
After the wedding ceremony, we drove in the limo out to the Rose Garden for pictures. On the way we discovered the air conditioning in this particular limo was not working in the BACK.
After pictures in the hot sun, in a limo with no air in the back, I passed out. They decided to take me back to my parents’ house and brought out a glass of water, which they promptly threw in my face…
ruining my hair and make-up. (It did, however, bring me to…LOL)
I attempted to get out of the limo—to fix my hair and make-up—but they told me we would be late for the reception. I said screw that…and fixed what I could. We were indeed 20 minutes late to the reception, but I will never forget walking into that hall. I smiled and sighed knowing all I had accomplished to get to this point. Hubby gave me a tender kiss as the DJ announced…”for the first time anywhere, please welcome (Hubby) and PATRICK Frederick…”
Imagine making the difficult decision to adorn your body with a tattoo. I personally quilt, so I know what it feels like to relentlessly stab my finger multiple times during an hour or so. But after a while, your fingers develop hardened pads that make the hobby so much more enjoyable. A tattoo, while similar, is on a totally other level.
But if you’re game, and determined to emblazon your body with a mostly permanent design or saying, take my advice. Make sure your tattoo artist can SPELL.
Dads are not hard to shop for if you’ve got a Dad with a sense of humor!
For the Grill Master: Daddio of The Patio Apron
File this Daddio of The Patio Apron under funny dad gifts that are actually useful, especially for outdoor cooking enthusiasts. Buy it for the dad who spends his summer nights grilling up food for the fam. It has an adjustable neck loop and a front pocket pouch for Dad’s grill tools, phone and hand towel. Best of all, it’s easy to clean, so Daddio can throw it in the washing machine when he’s done cooking up a storm.
For the Toothpick Fan: Whiskey Infused Toothpicks
We all know (and love) that guy who gnaws on a toothpick after every meal. Ditch boring picks and gift him these extra-large whiskey-infused toothpicks. The flavor of each pick is released by biting the wood, and there are four different whiskey-inspired varieties included. From single malt to bourbon, these toothpicks are sure to find their home right next to Dad’s favorite recliner and bar cart.
For the Lager Lover: Beer Drinker’s Gift Set
Take Dad’s love for a cold one to the next level (literally) with this raised beer table that holds two beers and a snack for outdoor, post-work drinkin’. The set includes a table, beer foaming stones and a khaki vest-inspired koozie. It’s five o’clock somewhere!
For the Fast Food Fan: Refrigerator Magnet Chicken Wings
We can’t really explain why we like these realistic, life-size chicken wing magnets so much. But we do. And we’re pretty sure Dad’s going to love this unique gift idea, too. The fried chicken pair comes with a 3D flat wing and drum wing that look ridiculously life-like.
For the Koozie Collector: Father Figure Drink Sleeve
“It’s not a dad bod, it’s a father figure,” reads this funny Father’s Day beer sleeve. Handmade from neoprene, this koozie comes in two different sizes: original short and tall. They’re water-resistant and hold up in the washing machine, so they’re basically dad-proof.
For the Dad Who Appreciates Bathroom Humor: Master Crapsman Set
From Poo-Pourri, the non-toxic before-you-go toilet spray brand, comes the Master Crapsman Gift Set—ideal for the guy who spends quality time on the John. The set includes two bathroom deodorizers: Royal Flush and Fresh Sea Salt. The sprays come in hilarious toolbox packaging, perfect for the back of the toilet in dad’s man cave.
Montana: No “folf”Anyone who’s driven through Montana has inevitably wondered, “how far could I throw a Frisbee over the plains?” Those who seek answers, avoid Helena; it is illegal to play “folf” (that’s “Frisbee golf”) anywhere not deemed a sanctioned “folf course.” Curiosity could cost you $500 or six months jail time.
Nebraska: No marriage if you have VD
Technically, no person afflicted with a venereal disease may get married in Nebraska. Meanwhile, state officials are still unable to get a green-light for their new TV show, Law And Order: VDU.
Nevada: Be selective with X-rays
Say what you will about the vice and commercialism of Las Vegas—at least they’re looking out for your feet. In Nevada, it is illegal to use an x-ray device to determine someone’s shoe size.
New Hampshire: No seaweed collecting
In New Hampshire it is forbidden to collect seaweed from the beach at night. Yes, it’s unfair, but you should’ve thought about that before becoming a nocturnal sushi chef.
New Jersey: No murder while wearing a bulletproof vest
It’s against the law to murder someone, but in Jersey it’s double against the law to murder someone while you’re wearing a bulletproof vest. See if you can follow along: wearing a bulletproof vest while committing or attempting to commit a crime of the first degree, is a crime of the second degree.
New Mexico: Redefining indecent exposure
Let’s take a break to focus on what’s not illegal: walking around with your butt out. In New Mexico, “indecent exposure” is defined as “intentionally exposing [one’s] primary genital area to public view.” Buttocks are nowhere to be mentioned.
New York: Sales tax for sliced bagels
If you order a sliced bagel in New York City, fuhgeddabout a square deal: “altered” bagels (sliced, toasted, or served with cream cheese, etc.) carry an eight-cent sales tax. Uncut bagels are typically tax exempt.
North Carolina: Be careful with your doggie bag
Be careful what you put in your doggy bag: In North Carolina it is a felony to steal more than $1,000 worth of grease, and a misdemeanor to steal under $1,000-worth. Grease theft, it turns out, was a huge problem in NC before this 2012 law passed, with midnight grease-bandits persistently preventing Biodiesel companies from purchasing restaurants’ excess oil to convert into fuel.
North Dakota: No late-night fireworks
Happy almost New Year! Despite a 1999 amendment allowing the sale of fireworks temporarily from December 26, 1999 through January 1st, 2000, it is illegal to set off fireworks after 11p.m. in Devil’s Lake, North Dakota.
Ohio: Toilet paper in coal mines, please!
Operators of underground coal mines must provide “an adequate supply of toilet paper” with each toilet. It’s too bad the letter of the law here stops at coal mines.
Oklahoma: No bear wrestling
In Oklahoma it is illegal to promote, engage in, or be employed by a “horse tripping” event. Also, it is unlawful to wrestle a bear… but at that point, the law is the least of your worries.
Oregon: No “tests of physical endurance” … while driving
It is considered a speed racing offense in Oregon if you participate in any “test of physical endurance” while on the highway. Sorry, y’all: No more seeing how long you can work the steering wheel with your teeth.
Pennsylvania: Bingo is only for non-felons
Fool me once, shame on you: No person convicted of a felony may operate a Bingo game in Bensalem, Pennsylvania.
Rhode Island: Don’t impersonate an auctioneer
Rhode Island “false personification” laws deem it unlawful to impersonate an auctioneer. Choose your Halloween costume accordingly.
South Carolina: No working (or dancing!) on Sundays
Good news: In South Carolina it is still illegal to work on Sundays! Bad news: it is also illegal to dance on Sundays. Fans of work and/or footwork will both be happy to hear, these antiquated laws are in the process of being repealed.
South Dakota: Fireworks approved to help with farming
Farmers in South Dakota have the green-light to set off fireworks or explosives to protect their sunflower crops… so long as they are six hundred sixty feet away from the nearest church, home, or schoolhouse.
Tennessee: Permits for panhandling
Panhandlers in Memphis must apply for a permit before panhandling. Formerly, this formality cost the destitute $10. Today, it’s free.
Texas: Keep litter on aircrafts
It is illegal in Galveston, Texas to throw litter out of an aircraft. Besides, using the blue bins is so much easier.
Utah: No missiles in bus terminals
Hurling a missile into a bus terminal is a felony—unless you are an appointed officer of the peace or commercial security personnel (see: mall cop.)
Vermont: Clotheslines, be gone
Vermont passed a law just to say there would never be a law prohibiting the use of clotheslines. Good to know.
Virginia: No skunks as pets
In Prince William County, it is illegal to keep a skunk as a pet. Man, the law stinks.
Washington: No Sasquatch poaching
It is illegal to poach a Sasquatch in at least two Washington counties. In 1991, Whatcom Country declared its roughly one million acres of land an official Sasquatch Protection and Refuge Area, giving our nation its first Bigfoot Sanctuary. If Bigfoot exists, lawmakers reasoned, it would be an endangered species, and therefore in need of protection. For this reason, Skamania County has considered Bigfoot-poaching a felony since 1969—still punishable by a $1000 fine.
West Virginia: No drones for bird hunting
In West Virginia it is illegal to use a drone “or other unmanned aircraft” to hunt birds. While you’re out in the woods, you’d better not use a ferret instead of a hunting dog; that’s a $100 fine right there.
Wisconsin: Better make that butter delicious
Giving credence to its reputation as “America’s Dairyland,” Wisconsin law demands that all cheese and butter produced in the state be “highly pleasing.” Oh, and cows have the right-of-way on highways.
Wyoming: Don’t buy junk from a drunk
Like Mama always said, “don’t buy junk from a drunk.” In Wyoming, purchasing scrap “metals, rubber, rags or paper” from an intoxicated person is prohibited.
Originally Published: June 12, 2019 Reader’s Digest
I stumbled across this article from Reader’s Digest listing the dumbest laws in each state (alphabetically). I thought I should pass it along…lol
Alabama: No stink bombs or confetti
If you’re a stodgy school principal from a 1980s film, consider moving to Mobile, Alabama: Stink bombs, “funk balls,” and any object “the purpose of which is to create disagreeable odors” are strictly illegal there. Also illegal: “spray string,” confetti, and bathing in public fountains.
Alaska: No getting drunk in a bar
In Alaska it is illegal to be drunk… in a bar. Per state laws, a person who is already drunk may not “knowingly” enter a bar to drink more, or remain in the bar that got them drunk in the first place. Confusing and cruel? Yes. Outdated? Sadly, no—police actually enforce it.
Arizona: No spitting in public
In the town of Goodyear, Arizona, it is unlawful to spit “in or on” any public building, park, sidewalk, or road. Offenders may be charged a fine of up to $2,500 and six months in prison. And in case you need a reminder, it’s also just lousy etiquette.
Arkansas: Must pronounce state name correctly
Visitors beware: it is strictly prohibited to pronounce “Arkansas” incorrectly. Per the state Code, the only acceptable pronunciation is “in three (3) syllables, with the final ‘s’ silent, the ‘a’ in each syllable with the Italian sound, and the accent on the first and last syllables.” So keep your Arkan-sass to yourself—and while you’re at it, make sure you’re pronouncing these common food words correctly.
California: No nuclear weapons, obviously
It is illegal to build, maintain, or use a nuclear weapon within Chico, California city limits. A law that began in the ‘80s as a serious anti-nuke statement has taken on a second life as an Internet joke, mainly due to the purported consequences: In addition to self-annihilation, the infraction also carries a $500 fine.
Colorado: No catapulting
Sure, you may be allowed to own a catapult in Aspen—but you better not try discharging it, buddy. Flaming arrows, alas, are also off limits.
Connecticut: Pickles must bounce
A pickle cannot be sold unless it bounces. According to a 1948 article, this law became a necessity after two scheming pickle packers tried to sell pickles “unfit for human consumption” on the sly. Connecticut’s Food and Drug Commissioner at the time proclaimed that a real pickle “should bounce” when dropped from the height of one foot, leading to a new state regulation.
Delaware: Strict trick-or-treating times enforced
To prevent “mischief of any sort,” children in the City of Rehoboth Beach may only go trick-or-treating between the hours of 6pm and 8pm on Halloween—UNLESS Halloween falls on a Sunday; in that case, “such going door to door and house to house for treats shall take place on the evening of October 30” instead.
Florida: No selling children
We know that kids can be annoying but please remember that in Florida it is a felony to sell your children. You’ve been warned.
Georgia: Can’t eat fried chicken with utensils
For chicken chompers in Gainesville, Georgia, “finger-lickin’” is not a suggestion—it is mandatory. Thanks to a 1961 law added to the city code as a publicity stunt, it is illegal to eat fried chicken in “the poultry capital of the world” with anything other than your fingers. A tourist was “arrested” for such a chicken-forking violation in 2009.
Hawaii: No billboards
Hawaii’s natural beauty is an advertisement unto itself. To keep it that way, the state has officially outlawed billboards (with some exceptions) and aerial advertising, part of an “urban beautification” initiative that dates to 1927. These aren’t so much “dumb laws” as “laws that make us feel dumb for not thinking of them first.”
Idaho: No cannibalism
Idaho is the only state to have an active ban on cannibalism. Technically not a crime in the rest of the nation, cannibalism is defined as the “nonconsensual consumption” of another human—meaning, we guess, if you can get your buddy’s permission to eat his tenderloin, the feds can’t stop you.
Illinois: No “fancy” bike riding
Listen here, city slicker: Galesburg city law strictly prohibits “fancy riding” of any bicycle on city streets, particularly riding with both hands removed from the handlebars, both feet removed from the pedals, or “any acrobatic” shenanigans on your fancy velocipede. According to a Galesburg police officer, “I suspect the trick riding ordinance came during a time or concern about bicyclist safety and perhaps crashes involving bicyclists.” It is seldom enforced.
Indiana: Proper black cat etiquette on Friday the 13th
In the municipality of French Lick Springs, all black cats must wear bells around their necks on Friday the 13th. The rule was introduced on October 13, 1939, “as a war measure to alleviate mental strain on the populace,” and has technically been in effect since.
Iowa: No faking your butter
I Can’t Believe It’s Not A Misdemeanor! Any person who attempts to pass off margarine, oleo, or oleomargarine as real butter is guilty of a simple misdemeanor in the state of Iowa, punishable by up to 30 days in jail and a $625 fine.
Kansas: No snowballs
It may still be illegal to throw snowballs in Topeka, Kansas. Thanks to a weirdly-worded law in the city Criminal Code, it is unlawful to “throw any stones, snowballs, or any other missiles” at any person or property in Topeka, an ordinance that former mayor Bill Bunten publicly flouted by tossing a whopper at a snowy tree in 2005. “I’m going to have an ordinance drawn up to repeal this Dumb Law lest our already-crowded prisons are filled up with children who, while making a snowman, got carried away and had a snowball fight,” he later claimed.
Kentucky: No dueling
All public officials and attorneys in Kentucky must swear an oath that they “have not fought a duel with deadly weapons” nor acted as a second in another person’s duel. Good to know now; unfortunately, when the oath took effect in 1848, many would-be duelists turned to murderous street brawls instead.
Louisiana: No catfish stealing
In Louisiana it is illegal to steal someone else’s crawfish—like, really illegal. Meriting its own state law, crawfish theft in excess of $1,500 can land the offender with up to ten years prison time or a $3,000 fine. But mostly, they will have to endure the humiliation of being called shellfish for the rest of their life. [Pat’s question: Are catfish and crawfish the same thing?]
Maine: Don’t advertise on tombstones
It is forbidden to post advertisements on another person’s tombstone in the city of Wells. Part of a lengthy list of cemetery regulations, this ordinance is really a favor to would-be marketers; nobody is a worse customer than a corpse.
Maryland: No cursing while driving
Making road rage even rage-ier, it is illegal to swear or curse upon any street or highway in Rockville, Maryland. Anyone caught swearing faces a misdemeanor charge, effectively having to add $100 to the city swear jar.
Massachusetts: No dancing to the national anthem
It is prohibited to dance to the “Star Spangled Banner” in Massachusetts, thanks to an excessively patriotic 1917 law. While you try to ponder what such a dance would even look like, find solace in the fact that this law could never actually be enforced, thanks to a slightly weightier document called the First Amendment.
Michigan: Bounty hunting encouraged (then not)
Until 2006, every citizen of Michigan was encouraged to be a bounty hunter. A 1941 act titled “An act to provide for the payment of bounties for the killing of starlings and crows,” offered any citizen a bounty of three cents per each starling killed and ten cents per crow—so long as they were presented in “a state of good preservation.” The law was repealed in 2006.
Minnesota: No pig greasing
Long winters can be boring, but that’s not a good reason to hold a greased pig contest in your parlor. Since 1971, it has been considered a misdemeanor to operate, run, or participate in any activity where a pig is oiled up and released with the object of being recaptured—and the same goes for “turkey scrambles.”
Mississippi: No limits on Big Gulp size
Mississippi believes in a person’s inalienable right to consume Big Gulps. Following former New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s contentious attempt to restrict the size of soft drinks sold throughout the city, Mississippi Governor Phil Bryant signed a law preventing his state’s lawmakers from enacting rules that limit portion sizes. Thanks in part to the “Anti-Bloomberg Bill,” one in three Mississippians remains obese.
Missouri: Tarzans not welcome
Prankish Tarzans, be warned: In University City, Missouri, it is illegal to “swing upon” another person’s motor vehicle and honk their horn for them.
Come back tomorrow for Part 2 and the rest of the states!
