Seems like there’s a day for EVERYTHING and today is National Rubber Ducky Day. With a day with such significance in our history (laugh, laugh), I wanted to reshare my rubber ducky story. When we put our pond in, my granddaughter was fairly young. She wanted to swim in it, until we told her there were fish in there. Then she decided she’d rather fish the pond.
I went on Amazon to see what kinds of fishing poles we could order for the both of us. She sat beside me and didn’t like any of the ones Amazon offered, so we searched for other water activities. She settled on rubber duckies. (She wanted to have races across the pond.)
The ones I picked out were really cool—they were actually for bath time. If the water is too hot, the rubber ducky shows this message on the bottom:
They came in a package of 12 and I ordered them right away. I knew they wouldn’t get to our house by the time my family left, but they would be there for the next visit. About a week later we were headed down the driveway to do some grocery shopping when I saw something strange at our delivery box. (We cannot have regular mail or packages delivered to our address by the postal service, but we could purchase a box to have those things delivered by delivery companies.)
The closer we got, the easier it was to see that no one had opened our box—the door was ripped off! The package was on the ground and ripped open on one corner. A rubber ducky was laying on the grass with teeth marks in it! Apparently, a bear smelled the box of duckies and thought they smelled scrumptious, but one attempted bite proved they were not edible.
I’m guessing the delivery driver had just eaten or something similar and he had the smell on his hands because we couldn’t detect any smells on the ducks or the plastic wrapping they came in.
Even if your loved one does have gas, the holidays might not be the time to bring it up. Instead, get them this book of basic yoga poses. It’s bound to include “Wind-Relieving Pose.” Maybe they’ll be inspired to take a yoga class.
On second thought, maybe throw in the Beano, too — to help them avoid an awkward moment in Downward-Facing Dog.
“Lose Weight with Your Mind,” by Jonathan R DeLeon
Just don’t. Even if you think you’re helping. Even if you think you’ve pinpointed the source of your loved one’s weight problem, and it’s definitely their mind.
Instead, give them kitchen essentials that will help inspire healthy cooking. (Research shows that people who cook their own meals tend to eat healthier.) This cookbook by Yotam Ottolenghi has inspired thousands of people to experiment with Israeli-influenced recipes, and incorporate new and healthful ingredients.
“Charlie Chaplin” Mustache that Closely Resembles Another Mustache
Just don’t. Unless someone in your life is an avid Charlie Chaplin role-player. Otherwise, this could get very weird.
A Guide to Polyamory For Your Parents
Don’t give your parents any ideas. (Perfect thing to give your sister in front of her new boyfriend, though.)
Stretch Mark Cream
In case you missed it: Stretch marks are cool. This artist uses glitter to turn stretch marks into body art. Spread the word — and give your loved ones biodegradable glitter to celebrate their own unique markings.
Nose & Ear Hair Trimmer
This gift will make your loved one wonder how much their nose hair has been bothering you. It also looks like a torture device.
Instead, you could get them a lighted bathroom mirror. This magnifying mirror will help them discover their jungle of nose hair on their own.
Earrings for Someone Without Pierced Ears
I’ve never gotten around to piercing my ears. Whenever someone gives me earrings, I mumble gratefully, then invent ways to avoid trying them on. (“Do I smell something burning?”)
Today, many people have “gauged ears.” These enlarged openings can’t hold normal earrings either. If you’re going to buy someone earrings, try to make sure they can actually wear them. Otherwise, get them a necklace. Everyone has a neck.
“Sexy Native American Costume”
Nope. “When a group like Native Americans have clung onto their culture in the face of genocide… it’s tone-deaf not to realize how damaging it is just to adopt that clothing for a night,” the Independent explains. Buy any of the thousands of other costumes on Amazon instead.
Very Specific “Exercise Weights” for Your Wife or Girlfriend
If you get these as a suggestive gift for your partner, you’re clearly a douche (another product, incidentally, that would make a terrible Christmas gift).
“Old Georgia State Flag” That Bears Uncanny Resemblance to Other Flag
Don’t buy this flag. If you seriously don’t understand why not, read more work by Ta-Nehisi Coates.
“The 7 Irresistible Qualities Men Want In A Woman: What High-Quality Men Secretly Look For When Choosing The One,” by Bruce Bryans
Author Bruce Bryans considers himself an expert on high-quality men. Bryans — who, according to his author bio, enjoys “manly things” — clearly spends a lot of time thinking about “high-quality men.” To please them, he explains, you must first pass the man’s “physical appearance test,” which is “specific to his personal tastes.” But then you must be “far superior” to other women in the surrounding area.
Um. Yikes. This book could really screw people up. Instead, let’s remind young women that they don’t need to be “superior” to anyone else — and that no one is “inferior” to them, either. Let’s encourage girls to lift each other up, instead of tearing each other down.
“101 Things Your Dad Never Told You About Men: The Good, Bad, And Ugly Things Men Want And Think About Women And Relationships,” by Bruce Bryans
Turns out Bruce Bryans has written many, many books about high-quality men. He also may have some issues. “Let’s face it; your Dad probably couldn’t tell you exactly how to be a good wife or a good girlfriend,” his promo text reads. “Maybe the topic of how to please your husband in bed would have been too awkward… Whatever the reason, your good old Dad probably never told you the ugly truth about what men want from women.”
Um. This author may have misunderstood the role of dads. Or misjudged how most people learn about pleasing their spouse in bed. (Hint: We don’t learn it from our dads.) If you’ve even considered buying this book, you should probably seek psychiatric help immediately. In the meantime, check out this guide to the best gifts for college students, where you’ll find something great for the young person in your life. While you’re at it, you might want to buy this other book by the yoga teacher and healing expert Ana Forrest — for yourself. You might actually need a self-help book — and, as we’ve learned, you are really the only person who can decide that for yourself.
And as always, when you’re stumped, you really can’t go wrong with Christmas socks.
I found a funny article on Heavy.com detailing WORST Christmas gifts ever and I had to share! I removed all the links for the “gifts” she recommends and/or mentions, but they can be found at the link at the bottom.
From Heavy.com:
I’ve been known to give the worst Christmas gifts ever. I once gave my brother and his then-pregnant wife what I thought was a baby hat, which later turned out to be an oven mitt. (In my defense, no one in that town spoke English, and that quilted triangle could be worn on an infant’s head.)
It’s even worse when your gift hurts someone’s feelings. As a kid, I gave my dad plus-sized pajama pants, because I thought they looked comfy. (They were a few sizes too large.) The incident has gone down in family lore.
To help you avoid similar mishaps, I’ve compiled what I’ve learned about the worst Christmas gifts.
They usually fall into a few major categories: gifts that highlight someone’s perceived flaws (like acne products and weight-loss supplements); gifts that reveal how little you know about the recipient (like getting a dog leash for someone who doesn’t have a dog); and — my personal favorite — misguided self-help books.
(There is no category for accidentally giving someone an oven mitt for their baby. That’s just something that can happen if you get stoned while Christmas shopping in a foreign country.)
If you, too, have realized you’re a terrible gift-giver, don’t worry: Redemption is possible. For each of these mistakes, we’ve provided alternate gifts your loved ones will truly appreciate.
Read on to avoid giving the worst Christmas gifts.
A Very Pointed Self-Help Book
Bonus points if you give this to your boss. Self-help books can make for awkward gifting. (When I was 19, I unwrapped my Christmas gifts to find multiple books on how to overcome your “quarter-life crisis” — which I wasn’t aware I was having. It would’ve been a lot cooler if I had received one of these great books for 20 somethings.)
The intentions are good: You want to help someone. But instead of highlighting their shortcomings, choose a book with practices or insights that could help them grow — or, um, stop being a jerk — on their own.
“How to Text Men: The Ultimate Guide to Learn How to Text a Man and Make Him Beg for Your Attention”
This totally real, non-ironic book includes “word-for-word texts” to “make him CRAZY for you.”
If you use these texts, he won’t be the only one who’s CRAZY. “Discover how to make men BEGGING for your attention with brilliant texts,” reads the promotional text. Don’t give this to anyone. (Unless it’s a joke gift for your hilarious and proudly single friend.) Again, you might mean well: Maybe you want to help your friend find a good man, and she keeps screwing it up by sending kooky texts. But maybe your friend is actually doing just fine. Maybe she’s just not that into men. Maybe she enjoys spending time with herself.
Instead of helping her find a man, you could help her enjoy her solo time. Maybe she could pick up a new hobby, like vaporizing. Check out our guide to the best vaporizers. Or, buy her some organic CBD oil instead.
Sweat-Absorbing Armpit Pads for Your Sweaty Coworker
Got a super-sweaty coworker? Maybe they’re sweaty because they drink too much coffee. (Caffeine stimulates sweat production. This is a real problem. Um, I’ve heard.) Get them some mushroom coffee. It contains half the caffeine of normal coffee — and it may provide a less jittery buzz, in addition to other benefits.
Super Creepy “Revenge” Voodoo Doll
Don’t buy this doll. Even if you believe someone deserves revenge. The doll comes with pins you can stick on its different labels, which are designed to inflict various levels of revenge, ranging from “serious canker sores” to “deeply lonely life.” If your friend is wishing for someone else to have a “deeply lonely life,” they probably need therapy. But since you can’t give them that — at least not with a bow tied on it — give them John Prine’s “Sweet Revenge” album instead. His lyrical music and sense of humor might actually help them untangle their anger issues.
“How to Text Men: Texts That Will Make Him Want You”
Amazon offers many how-to books about texting men. (Any of them could make for the worst Christmas gifts ever.) This book’s cover features a woman who clearly needs author Joshua Bell’s advice on how to attract men. Bell promises to teach us “the ONE thing that will make him go crazy… and beg for your attention.” Later in the book, Joshua (who, according to his author bio, has an English degree), will teach us “the truth about the morning text and the good night text.” Wow. Can’t wait.
Please don’t buy this book for anyone — no matter how often they fumble their flirty texting. Instead, get her a rose quartz crystal, which is believed to aid in matters of the heart. She will definitely get better advice from a rock than from this book.
“The Attraction Blueprint: The Counterintuitive Approach To Attracting Any Woman You Want” by Sebastian Castaneda
According to this book, you can attract any woman with some simple psychological manipulation. (It’s easy!) This could make for a joke gift for a buddy who reads on their morning commute. Otherwise, don’t buy this book for anyone. The promotional text starts off by mentioning Freud, for reasons that remain unclear. Then it gets downright creepy: “Fear must be used as a source of absolute power. Do you want the power to hand select any girl you want? […] Do you want to get something from a woman without even having to ask?”
Um, ew. Somehow this book was published in 2017, by which time most of the general public had at least heard of the concept of consent. There’s not much information about the author, which I’m guessing is because he’s in jail. Just kidding. I have no idea where the author is. But still — don’t buy this book. Instead, check out this book produced by comedian John Oliver. It’s a children’s book about a rabbit, so it’s intended for a higher reading level than Castaneda’s manipulation handbook.
Any Book by This Disgraced Former TV Star
On a list of worsts, this book takes the cake. Apparently, Bill Cosby considered himself an expert on romance. In the book’s first sentence, Cosby says the first step towards romance is “learning to lie” to yourself. (Red flag much?) Don’t buy this book — even for a gag gift. Unless you’re buying all the available copies, and burning them in a bonfire while videotaping it. That actually might be a cool gift.
Maybe you should check out our gift ideas for women in their 20s. Any of them would be a better gift than this book — regardless of whether the recipient is a twenty-something woman or not. If you’re looking for a book written by a TV star, check out Chelsea Handler’s new book instead. I’m pretty sure she hasn’t drugged anyone. Except herself.
“Come on, People: On the Path from Victims to Victors” by Bill Cosby
Cosby actually did know something about victims — just not the kind he wrote about in this book. He chastises those who drop out of school or accept welfare, and reserves particular scorn for black men who end up in prison (where he himself would finally be incarcerated in 2019). Cosby shamed individuals while ignoring the systemic racism that ravaged their communities. He promoted this myth for years. To learn more about why that Cosby-style argument is wrong (aside from the obvious), check out any work by Ta-Nehisi Coates.
Cat Toys for a Person Without a Cat
If you give this to someone without a cat, you may leave them feeling confused. Even if you think it looks fun to play with. It’s possible that you are just obsessed with cats. (Or on drugs.) If you’re determined to give a cat-related gift, but you can’t remember whether or not your friend is a fellow cat person, check out this book, “How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety.”
Only fellow cat-owners will be able to put this advice to use, but everyone with a sense of humor will appreciate this book — regardless of where they fall on the political spectrum. Or the cat-person spectrum.
Your Suggested Birthing Plan for Their Pregnancy
Giving your friend this DVD would be a huge mistake. Nobody has a DVD player anymore. But even if your friend both owns a DVD player and is also pregnant, their birth plan is probably none of your business. (Bonus weirdness points if you get this for someone who’s not pregnant.) It’s nice that you want them to feel good. But maybe get them something less intrusive, like this herbal tea sampler.
“Face Mask for Sagging Skin & Double Chins”
Don’t point out your loved one’s double chin. Not even in a fun, you-look-like-Santa sort of way. Of course, some skincare gifts are awesome. Snag this body butter instead. It’s luxurious, lavender-scented, and — best of all — it doesn’t scream “you’re aging poorly.”
A Book You Think Will Improve Their Marriage
A general rule for better gift-giving: Avoid anything that seems custom-made for Donald Trump to give to Melania. (Well, if he wasn’t afraid of books.) “Men are right,” this book’s promo text reads. “Men want closer marriages just as much as women do, but not if they have to act like a woman.” This book has it all: misogyny, stereotypes, and permission for men to behave badly. If you’re looking for advice on living in a superficial pretend-marriage, this book is for you.
But if you want to help someone deepen their actual marriage? Maybe help them find a hobby that fosters togetherness instead. Like cooking.
Cosmetic Teeth to Conceal Their Real Teeth
You might need some fake teeth of your own, after you try to give this cosmetic tooth kit to someone. If your loved one has dental problems, remember to recognize their inner beauty. Then practice compassion: Dental problems can cause sufferers stress, anxiety, and pain. CBD could help alleviate their dental discomfort. Buy them a soothing CBD tincture instead. Then watch out for all the (real) smiles.
The mystery of Roanoke survives today. There are theories of course, but no answers. I found this article about the mystery on the historicmysteries website: (Thanks to Filly for introducing me to this awesome site!)
From historicmysteries.com:
The Roanoke Colony was the first English settlement in America. It vanished. The mystery of the lost colony of Roanoke Island has baffled society for hundreds of years. A group of settlers disappeared into North America with hardly a trace and no one has seen concrete evidence of their existence in centuries. Many theories have arisen over the years as to the fate of these settlers, but nothing is certain. Today, there is only speculation about the Roanoke Colony mystery.
Establishment of a Colony
After hearing news of a lush, beautiful area in the Americas Queen Elizabeth I, of England, decides to name this new place Virginia. Subsequently, she gives Sir Walter Raleigh permission to establish a colony in the area. He was to finance and plan the expedition to what is now North Carolina. Raleigh has 10 years to complete this mission.
In 1585, an expedition comprised only of around 77 men were sent to start the colony. They were led by Sir Richard Grenville. Shortly after the arrival, the men begin to suspect that local Indians have stolen a silver cup from them. In retaliation, they destroy their village and burn the chief alive. Despite the obvious discourse with the natives, Grenville decides to leave the men there to build the proposed colony. He vows to return in April of 1586.
When April passes and there is no sign of Grenville the men decide to hitch a ride home with Sir Francis Drake. Drake had stopped at the colony on his way back from a successful voyage to the Caribbean. Ironically Grenville arrived shortly thereafter. After finding the settlement empty, he decides to leave 15 men there to protect England’s claim.
John White and the Roanoke Settlement
The second group of settlers arrived at Roanoke Island on July 22, 1587. This group contains 117 people, both men and women. They are led by John White. John White’s daughter would give birth to the first English child born in America on August 18, 1587. The child’s name was Virginia Dare. These people would later become known as the Lost Colony of Roanoke Island.
The settlers built their colony and tried to make peace with the natives. They were successful in befriending the Croatoan tribe, but other tribes were openly hostile toward the colonists. A settler by the name of George Howe was murdered by natives while hunting crab on the beach. After this incident, the settlers became nervous about their new home and convinced John White to return to England and ask for help. John White reluctantly left. He would never see any of these people again.
When John White arrived in England, he was unable to secure passage back to the colony. He was unable to find a Captain that would sail the Atlantic in the dead of winter, so he was forced to wait. Then the opposing threat of the Spanish Armada forced all available ships to be called to war. Eventually, John was able to secure passage on two small boats. Unfortunately, the owners of these boats were greedy men and they tried to capture other ships during their voyage. They were then captured, in turn, and relieved of their cargo. John White was unable to attempt another crossing for three years.
Nothing Left to Return To
John White finally returned to Roanoke Island on August 18, 1590. His granddaughter’s third birthday. To his dismay, there was no sign of his friends and family. The Roanoke colony had been dismantled and deserted. The only clues to the whereabouts of the colonists were carvings in a remaining post and a tree. The carving on the post read “Croatoan” and the carving in the tree was even more cryptic, it simply said “Cro.”
John took these clues to mean that the Roanoke colony had moved to nearby “Croatoan Island.” Before White’s departure, they had agreed that if the settlers were forced to leave, they would carve a Maltese cross into a tree. In the absence of such a carving, John could only assume that they left of their own volition. John was compelled to search for the colonists but was forced to return to England due to inclement weather. He would never set foot on Roanoke Island again.
Theories
There are many theories concerning the Roanoke colony mystery. They could have left due to weather, food shortage or threat of attack by local tribes. One thing is for sure, nothing is certain. Future settlers and explorers would claim to have spotted natives with light hair and eyes or natives that spoke perfect English. These claims may explain where the settlers went. It is highly likely that they integrated into the Croatoan tribe, but there is no concrete evidence of this.
I’ll be upfront about this. I hate tv for the most part and don’t watch it. However, my twisted little brain was awake last night prohibiting a blissful sleep and it conjured up a new reality show. Well, okay, to be honest, not really new–just a new spin on an old idea.
I’d call it Oligarch Island. You get all the rich, despotic so and so’s who want to control our lives so desperately and drop them on a remote island somewhere. No contact with the outer world at all. They agree to put all their worldly goods into a pot—a trust fund—a winner take all type of thing. Then they have to fight it out to see who becomes the “Last Man (or Woman) Standing”. They don’t have to kill one another—just get the other contestants to cry “I GIVE UP”. At that point, that last man or woman fires a signal flare and is rescued to become the King/Queen of the World.
But like any good tv show–there’s a hidden twist! The rest of us loot their trust fund, ignore the island—heck we could sink the island—and live happily ever after.
Speaking of the beach, this is the time of year when the news frequently reports gruesome shark attacks. Coastal waters can be beautiful, but also deadly. Rather than share the gory details from the recent attacks, I will offer wise and pertinent advice on how to avoid these attacks.
June is traditionally the month we think about brides and weddings, but more and more brides are becoming bridezillas–terrible tyrants intent on being the star of the day and ruining the day for everyone else. I went in search of bridezilla stories. Here’s what I found on Good Housekeeping:
In some ways, we get it — on their big day, brides want things to go their way. Considering all the money that it takes to throw a wedding, you’d be peeved if your flowers showed up the fuchsia instead of blush, too. The following brides, however, took things a step (okay, 50 steps) too far. Forget pre-wedding stress and day-of jitters — when you straight up host tryouts for your bridal party (yep), you become a member of an elite squad also known as the special (worst-ever) bridezillas unit. These are their stories.
This bride expected all bridesmaids to be brunette on her big day.
The sole red-head in this bridezilla’s wedding party was pretty uncomfortable after she was told (by the bride, of course!) to dye her naturally ginger locks brown. Why? Red was too “attention-grabbing” and would “clash with the wedding colors.” The worst part though was when the bride exerted her totalitarian power and told this poor woman that “brides get a veto over pretty much every aspect of her bridesmaids’ appearances.” Direct quote.
And this one wanted her bridesmaids to chip in for her *dream* wedding dress.
No. Like, just no, right? After obsessing over the smallest minutiae (the groomsmen’s buttonholes for example) and dragging her bridesmaids to three consecutive weekends of wedding dress shopping, this bride-to-be said yes to a way over budget $10,500 dress. To offset overspending, the bride then asked her bridesmaids to pitch in for the gown, saying that the day would be that much more special if they directed contributed to her happiness.
If you’re unsure about who to have in your bridal party, just host an auction! (No. Don’t.)
A month out from her wedding, this bride still didn’t have a bridal party. So, naturally, as bridezillas do, she sent out invites to multiple women, inviting them to an auction — the six highest bidders would be selected as bridesmaids. We first heard this gem of a story on Reddit, where the bride’s sister (clearly the sensible one) told all, describing her sister as a spoiled high-riser. Apparently, there was also a separate auction for the maid of honor slot. Worst bridezilla in the history of weddings? Sold, to this girl!
No show guests? Bill ’em.
After a couple didn’t show up to her wedding (their babysitter fell through last minute and the wedding was no-kids), this bride sent them an invoice for two herb-crusted walleye fish entrees, including tax and service charges. Honestly, we kind of get this one — the couple never notified the newlyweds or sent a gift, which is, at the end of the day, really wrong. On the bride’s end, sending an invoice to no-show guests is something you may want to do, but is also probably something you shouldn’t act on.
This “health guru” wanted ALL of her guests to “detox” for three weeks before the wedding.
Yep, wouldn’t want any of those nasty toxins to cramp this totally-chill bride’s happily ever after. Her small, tiny request? According to a press release, she “hopes that by requesting her guests try out a vegan and subsequently live food diet for 21 days, everyone will look and feel their best for HER big day.” I’m sorry, what?
The price of being in this bridal party? Free labor.
As in, this bride wants everyone to take home fruit preserves as wedding favors, but wants her bridesmaids to drive to an orchard two hours away and spend all day picking said fruit. Jury’s out on whether or not she asked them to make jam. This Reddit user explained that it got worse, though: “She wants custom embroidery added to all the bridesmaid’s dresses — but she wants the bridesmaids to embroider them.” Right, because we’re all a bunch of seamstresses!
This bridezilla kicked two bridesmaids out of her wedding and then tried to poach their dresses.
After having a full blown meltdown — she accused people of not being “happy enough” that she was getting married — and screaming that her bridesmaids were purposefully making themselves “uglier” to ruin her day, this bride kicked two of her bridesmaids out. (They sound pretty lucky to us.) When the bride went to go pick up the bridesmaid dresses, she called the women up in hysterics, saying that she was two short (she was going to use the dresses her ex-bridesmaids had paid for as her replacements). Those smart gals had called David’s Bridal and refunded their orders. Justice was served that day.
Nothing says “I won” like winking at the best man, who hates your guts, at the altar.
It’s never cute when the bride and the best man don’t get along, but this lady took it a little too far. She knew that her now-husband’s best friend wasn’t too keen on him marrying her, so she got a little payback at the altar. Wait, you just have to read Reddit user @dbay_com’s firsthand account: “The ceremony went fine but I was pretty weirded out when she looks over at me and winks as soon as my buddy gets done saying his vows. ‘I won’ is what she was saying to me.” SO CREEPY.
When the wedding is more like the contest for Pantone’s Color of the Year.
Obsessed with having her nuptials featured on a popular wedding blog, this bride gave actual Pantone swatches to her bridesmaids so they could perfectly coordinate accessories and makeup. She took it even further when she sent out a PDF, listing ideal color combinations and fabrics, to all attending guests. She got featured on that wedding blog (good for her?), but man, that’s ridiculous.
Bride makes bridesmaids weigh-in and lose/gain weight, earning her the title of Evilest Bridezilla Ever.
You know who doesn’t deserve bridesmaids? Brides that make their bridal party step on the scale: “Weigh-ins will begin in 3 weeks. I for one would really like some time after Thanksgiving to make my body forget about what it consumed, so I thought I would give you guys some cushion room,” she wrote in an email. Oh don’t worry, she got meaner: “No-one can be skinnier than the bride. That means Kelly and Lizzie will be on a protein weight-gainer diet exclusively until May. I will have the nutritionist call you to discuss diet plans. ” Kelly and Lizzie? YOU ARE FINE.
My Dad always had a joke to tell. Even when he was in the hospital, he kept the nurses laughing at his jokes–it was one of his gifts. June is the month to celebrate Dads and where we would be without those Dad jokes?
Why are most people tired on April 1? They’ve just finished a 31-day March.
How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it.
What do clouds wear beneath their pants? Thunderwear.
What kind of bagel can travel? A plain bagel.
What do you call a cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese!
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!
Why did the girl bring a ladder on the bus? She wanted to go to high school.
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? Just in case he got a hole in one.
How do you fix a broken tomato? With tomato paste.
Why shouldn’t you play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
Why did the whale blush? It saw the ocean’s bottom.
A cheese factory exploded in France. Da brie is everywhere!
What kind of sandals do frogs wear? Open-toad.
What do you call a herd of sheep falling down a hill? A lambslide.
What do you call birds that stick together? Velcrows
What do you call a medieval lamp? A knight light.
How you fix a broken pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch.
Where do boats go when they’re sick? To the dock.
What do cows like to read? Cattle-logs.
The past, present and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
I can’t believe there are actually people who come up with and campaign for these “national” days. Nonetheless, today is National Blame Someone Else Day and I present to you their POSTER CHILD:
That’s it. I’m done with this post. It’s not my fault it’s so short…it’s Joe’s…LOL
