The Roanoke Mystery

The mystery of Roanoke survives today.  There are theories of course, but no answers. I found this article about the mystery on the historicmysteries website: (Thanks to Filly for introducing me to this awesome site!)

From historicmysteries.com:

The Roanoke Colony was the first English settlement in America. It vanished. The mystery of the lost colony of Roanoke Island has baffled society for hundreds of years. A group of settlers disappeared into North America with hardly a trace and no one has seen concrete evidence of their existence in centuries. Many theories have arisen over the years as to the fate of these settlers, but nothing is certain. Today, there is only speculation about the Roanoke Colony mystery.

Establishment of a Colony

After hearing news of a lush, beautiful area in the Americas Queen Elizabeth I, of England, decides to name this new place Virginia. Subsequently, she gives Sir Walter Raleigh permission to establish a colony in the area. He was to finance and plan the expedition to what is now North Carolina. Raleigh has 10 years to complete this mission.

In 1585, an expedition comprised only of around 77 men were sent to start the colony. They were led by Sir Richard Grenville. Shortly after the arrival, the men begin to suspect that local Indians have stolen a silver cup from them. In retaliation, they destroy their village and burn the chief alive. Despite the obvious discourse with the natives, Grenville decides to leave the men there to build the proposed colony. He vows to return in April of 1586.

When April passes and there is no sign of Grenville the men decide to hitch a ride home with Sir Francis Drake. Drake had stopped at the colony on his way back from a successful voyage to the Caribbean. Ironically Grenville arrived shortly thereafter. After finding the settlement empty, he decides to leave 15 men there to protect England’s claim.

John White and the Roanoke Settlement

The second group of settlers arrived at Roanoke Island on July 22, 1587. This group contains 117 people, both men and women. They are led by John White. John White’s daughter would give birth to the first English child born in America on August 18, 1587. The child’s name was Virginia Dare. These people would later become known as the Lost Colony of Roanoke Island.

The settlers built their colony and tried to make peace with the natives. They were successful in befriending the Croatoan tribe, but other tribes were openly hostile toward the colonists. A settler by the name of George Howe was murdered by natives while hunting crab on the beach. After this incident, the settlers became nervous about their new home and convinced John White to return to England and ask for help. John White reluctantly left. He would never see any of these people again.

When John White arrived in England, he was unable to secure passage back to the colony. He was unable to find a Captain that would sail the Atlantic in the dead of winter, so he was forced to wait. Then the opposing threat of the Spanish Armada forced all available ships to be called to war. Eventually, John was able to secure passage on two small boats. Unfortunately, the owners of these boats were greedy men and they tried to capture other ships during their voyage. They were then captured, in turn, and relieved of their cargo. John White was unable to attempt another crossing for three years.

Nothing Left to Return To

John White finally returned to Roanoke Island on August 18, 1590. His granddaughter’s third birthday. To his dismay, there was no sign of his friends and family. The Roanoke colony had been dismantled and deserted. The only clues to the whereabouts of the colonists were carvings in a remaining post and a tree. The carving on the post read “Croatoan” and the carving in the tree was even more cryptic, it simply said “Cro.”

John took these clues to mean that the Roanoke colony had moved to nearby “Croatoan Island.” Before White’s departure, they had agreed that if the settlers were forced to leave, they would carve a Maltese cross into a tree. In the absence of such a carving, John could only assume that they left of their own volition. John was compelled to search for the colonists but was forced to return to England due to inclement weather. He would never set foot on Roanoke Island again.

Theories

There are many theories concerning the Roanoke colony mystery. They could have left due to weather, food shortage or threat of attack by local tribes. One thing is for sure, nothing is certain. Future settlers and explorers would claim to have spotted natives with light hair and eyes or natives that spoke perfect English. These claims may explain where the settlers went. It is highly likely that they integrated into the Croatoan tribe, but there is no concrete evidence of this.

SOURCE: HISTORICMYSTERIES.COM; SHELLY BARCLAY

Welcome to Oligarch Island

I’ll be upfront about this.  I hate tv for the most part and don’t watch it.  However, my twisted little brain was awake last night prohibiting a blissful sleep and it conjured up a new reality show.  Well, okay, to be honest, not really new–just a new spin on an old idea.

I’d call it Oligarch Island.  You get all the rich, despotic so and so’s who want to control our lives so desperately and drop them on a remote island somewhere. No contact with the outer world at all.  They agree to put all their worldly goods into a pot—a trust fund—a winner take all type of thing.  Then they have to fight it out to see who becomes the “Last Man (or Woman) Standing”.  They don’t have to kill one another—just get the other contestants to cry “I GIVE UP”.  At that point, that last man or woman fires a signal flare and is rescued to become the King/Queen of the World. 

But like any good tv show–there’s a hidden twist!  The rest of us loot their trust fund, ignore the island—heck we could sink the island—and live happily ever after.

What do you think?

Here Comes the…Bridezilla?

June is traditionally the month we think about brides and weddings, but more and more brides are becoming bridezillas–terrible tyrants intent on being the star of the day and ruining the day for everyone else. I went in search of bridezilla stories. Here’s what I found on Good Housekeeping:

In some ways, we get it — on their big day, brides want things to go their way. Considering all the money that it takes to throw a wedding, you’d be peeved if your flowers showed up the fuchsia instead of blush, too. The following brides, however, took things a step (okay, 50 steps) too far. Forget pre-wedding stress and day-of jitters — when you straight up host tryouts for your bridal party (yep), you become a member of an elite squad also known as the special (worst-ever) bridezillas unit. These are their stories.

This bride expected all bridesmaids to be brunette on her big day.

The sole red-head in this bridezilla’s wedding party was pretty uncomfortable after she was told (by the bride, of course!) to dye her naturally ginger locks brown. Why? Red was too “attention-grabbing” and would “clash with the wedding colors.” The worst part though was when the bride exerted her totalitarian power and told this poor woman that “brides get a veto over pretty much every aspect of her bridesmaids’ appearances.” Direct quote.

And this one wanted her bridesmaids to chip in for her *dream* wedding dress.

No. Like, just no, right? After obsessing over the smallest minutiae (the groomsmen’s buttonholes for example) and dragging her bridesmaids to three consecutive weekends of wedding dress shopping, this bride-to-be said yes to a way over budget $10,500 dress. To offset overspending, the bride then asked her bridesmaids to pitch in for the gown, saying that the day would be that much more special if they directed contributed to her happiness.

If you’re unsure about who to have in your bridal party, just host an auction! (No. Don’t.)

A month out from her wedding, this bride still didn’t have a bridal party. So, naturally, as bridezillas do, she sent out invites to multiple women, inviting them to an auction — the six highest bidders would be selected as bridesmaids. We first heard this gem of a story on Reddit, where the bride’s sister (clearly the sensible one) told all, describing her sister as a spoiled high-riser. Apparently, there was also a separate auction for the maid of honor slot. Worst bridezilla in the history of weddings? Sold, to this girl!

No show guests? Bill ’em.

After a couple didn’t show up to her wedding (their babysitter fell through last minute and the wedding was no-kids), this bride sent them an invoice for two herb-crusted walleye fish entrees, including tax and service charges. Honestly, we kind of get this one — the couple never notified the newlyweds or sent a gift, which is, at the end of the day, really wrong. On the bride’s end, sending an invoice to no-show guests is something you may want to do, but is also probably something you shouldn’t act on.

This “health guru” wanted ALL of her guests to “detox” for three weeks before the wedding.

Yep, wouldn’t want any of those nasty toxins to cramp this totally-chill bride’s happily ever after. Her small, tiny request? According to a press release, she “hopes that by requesting her guests try out a vegan and subsequently live food diet for 21 days, everyone will look and feel their best for HER big day.” I’m sorry, what?

The price of being in this bridal party? Free labor.

As in, this bride wants everyone to take home fruit preserves as wedding favors, but wants her bridesmaids to drive to an orchard two hours away and spend all day picking said fruit. Jury’s out on whether or not she asked them to make jam. This Reddit user explained that it got worse, though: “She wants custom embroidery added to all the bridesmaid’s dresses — but she wants the bridesmaids to embroider them.” Right, because we’re all a bunch of seamstresses!

This bridezilla kicked two bridesmaids out of her wedding and then tried to poach their dresses.

After having a full blown meltdown — she accused people of not being “happy enough” that she was getting married — and screaming that her bridesmaids were purposefully making themselves “uglier” to ruin her day, this bride kicked two of her bridesmaids out. (They sound pretty lucky to us.) When the bride went to go pick up the bridesmaid dresses, she called the women up in hysterics, saying that she was two short (she was going to use the dresses her ex-bridesmaids had paid for as her replacements). Those smart gals had called David’s Bridal and refunded their orders. Justice was served that day.

Nothing says “I won” like winking at the best man, who hates your guts, at the altar.

It’s never cute when the bride and the best man don’t get along, but this lady took it a little too far. She knew that her now-husband’s best friend wasn’t too keen on him marrying her, so she got a little payback at the altar. Wait, you just have to read Reddit user @dbay_com’s firsthand account: “The ceremony went fine but I was pretty weirded out when she looks over at me and winks as soon as my buddy gets done saying his vows. ‘I won’ is what she was saying to me.” SO CREEPY.

When the wedding is more like the contest for Pantone’s Color of the Year.

Obsessed with having her nuptials featured on a popular wedding blog, this bride gave actual Pantone swatches to her bridesmaids so they could perfectly coordinate accessories and makeup. She took it even further when she sent out a PDF, listing ideal color combinations and fabrics, to all attending guests. She got featured on that wedding blog (good for her?), but man, that’s ridiculous.

Bride makes bridesmaids weigh-in and lose/gain weight, earning her the title of Evilest Bridezilla Ever.

You know who doesn’t deserve bridesmaids? Brides that make their bridal party step on the scale: “Weigh-ins will begin in 3 weeks. I for one would really like some time after Thanksgiving to make my body forget about what it consumed, so I thought I would give you guys some cushion room,” she wrote in an email. Oh don’t worry, she got meaner: “No-one can be skinnier than the bride. That means Kelly and Lizzie will be on a protein weight-gainer diet exclusively until May. I will have the nutritionist call you to discuss diet plans. ” Kelly and Lizzie? YOU ARE FINE.

SOURCE: GOODHOUSEKEEPING.COM

Dad Jokes

My Dad always had a joke to tell. Even when he was in the hospital, he kept the nurses laughing at his jokes–it was one of his gifts. June is the month to celebrate Dads and where we would be without those Dad jokes?

Why are most people tired on April 1? They’ve just finished a 31-day March.

How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it.

What do clouds wear beneath their pants? Thunderwear.

What kind of bagel can travel? A plain bagel.

What do you call a cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese!

What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!

Why did the girl bring a ladder on the bus? She wanted to go to high school.

Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? Just in case he got a hole in one.

How do you fix a broken tomato? With tomato paste.

Why shouldn’t you play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.

Why did the whale blush? It saw the ocean’s bottom.

A cheese factory exploded in France. Da brie is everywhere!

What kind of sandals do frogs wear? Open-toad.

What do you call a herd of sheep falling down a hill? A lambslide.

What do you call birds that stick together? Velcrows

What do you call a medieval lamp? A knight light.

How you fix a broken pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch.

Where do boats go when they’re sick? To the dock.

What do cows like to read? Cattle-logs.

The past, present and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

Looking a Gift Horse in the Mouth

Mother’s Day is coming up and I wondered just how bad were the “bad Mother’s Day Gifts” on the list in MIGHTY LISTS on their blogspot.  Here’s what I found:

Monday, April 28, 2014

10 bad mother’s day gifts

 This Mother’s Day, show your mom that you really care… and DON’T get her any of these gifts!

(I don’t even know what this is!)

(Again…wth?  A face exerciser?)

SOURCE: MIGHTY LISTS.COM

(PAT’S ADVICE…)

America’s Sweetheart: Then and Now

Every generation strives to leave its mark upon the world and if, in the process, they can shake up the old generations, all the better.  In the process though, what is lost?  In the case of whom they aspire to adore and promote and emulate?  there is MUCH to be lost. Take my above example—Doris Day versus Taylor Swift. 

Doris is wholesome…

Taylor is loathsome…

Doris’s style is iconic…

Whereas Taylor’s is demonic…

Doris loves animals…

Taylor dates animals…

Now I’m sure Doris has her off days like the rest of us, but she was genuinely loved and revered.  Taylor, on the other hand, uses the men she dates as future song fodder and nothing more.  She is self-centered and spoiled and she could really learn a thing or two from watching Doris.