Worst Christmas Gifts Ever: Part 2

Humor 4 Minutes

Beano for Fast Gas Relief

Even if your loved one does have gas, the holidays might not be the time to bring it up. Instead, get them this book of basic yoga poses. It’s bound to include “Wind-Relieving Pose.” Maybe they’ll be inspired to take a yoga class.

On second thought, maybe throw in the Beano, too — to help them avoid an awkward moment in Downward-Facing Dog.

“Lose Weight with Your Mind,” by Jonathan R DeLeon

Just don’t. Even if you think you’re helping. Even if you think you’ve pinpointed the source of your loved one’s weight problem, and it’s definitely their mind.

Instead, give them kitchen essentials that will help inspire healthy cooking. (Research shows that people who cook their own meals tend to eat healthier.) This cookbook by Yotam Ottolenghi has inspired thousands of people to experiment with Israeli-influenced recipes, and incorporate new and healthful ingredients.

“Charlie Chaplin” Mustache that Closely Resembles Another Mustache

Just don’t. Unless someone in your life is an avid Charlie Chaplin role-player. Otherwise, this could get very weird.

A Guide to Polyamory For Your Parents

Don’t give your parents any ideas. (Perfect thing to give your sister in front of her new boyfriend, though.)

Stretch Mark Cream

In case you missed it: Stretch marks are cool. This artist uses glitter to turn stretch marks into body art. Spread the word — and give your loved ones biodegradable glitter to celebrate their own unique markings.

Nose & Ear Hair Trimmer

This gift will make your loved one wonder how much their nose hair has been bothering you. It also looks like a torture device.

Instead, you could get them a lighted bathroom mirror. This magnifying mirror will help them discover their jungle of nose hair on their own.

Earrings for Someone Without Pierced Ears

I’ve never gotten around to piercing my ears. Whenever someone gives me earrings, I mumble gratefully, then invent ways to avoid trying them on. (“Do I smell something burning?”)

Today, many people have “gauged ears.” These enlarged openings can’t hold normal earrings either. If you’re going to buy someone earrings, try to make sure they can actually wear them. Otherwise, get them a necklace. Everyone has a neck.

“Sexy Native American Costume”

Nope. “When a group like Native Americans have clung onto their culture in the face of genocide… it’s tone-deaf not to realize how damaging it is just to adopt that clothing for a night,” the Independent explains. Buy any of the thousands of other costumes on Amazon instead.

Very Specific “Exercise Weights” for Your Wife or Girlfriend

If you get these as a suggestive gift for your partner, you’re clearly a douche (another product, incidentally, that would make a terrible Christmas gift).

“Old Georgia State Flag” That Bears Uncanny Resemblance to Other Flag

Don’t buy this flag. If you seriously don’t understand why not, read more work by Ta-Nehisi Coates.

“The 7 Irresistible Qualities Men Want In A Woman: What High-Quality Men Secretly Look For When Choosing The One,” by Bruce Bryans

Author Bruce Bryans considers himself an expert on high-quality men. Bryans — who, according to his author bio, enjoys “manly things” — clearly spends a lot of time thinking about “high-quality men.” To please them, he explains, you must first pass the man’s “physical appearance test,” which is “specific to his personal tastes.” But then you must be “far superior” to other women in the surrounding area.

Um. Yikes. This book could really screw people up. Instead, let’s remind young women that they don’t need to be “superior” to anyone else — and that no one is “inferior” to them, either. Let’s encourage girls to lift each other up, instead of tearing each other down.

“101 Things Your Dad Never Told You About Men: The Good, Bad, And Ugly Things Men Want And Think About Women And Relationships,” by Bruce Bryans

Turns out Bruce Bryans has written many, many books about high-quality men. He also may have some issues. “Let’s face it; your Dad probably couldn’t tell you exactly how to be a good wife or a good girlfriend,” his promo text reads. “Maybe the topic of how to please your husband in bed would have been too awkward… Whatever the reason, your good old Dad probably never told you the ugly truth about what men want from women.”

Um. This author may have misunderstood the role of dads. Or misjudged how most people learn about pleasing their spouse in bed. (Hint: We don’t learn it from our dads.) If you’ve even considered buying this book, you should probably seek psychiatric help immediately. In the meantime, check out this guide to the best gifts for college students, where you’ll find something great for the young person in your life. While you’re at it, you might want to buy this other book by the yoga teacher and healing expert Ana Forrest — for yourself. You might actually need a self-help book — and, as we’ve learned, you are really the only person who can decide that for yourself.

And as always, when you’re stumped, you really can’t go wrong with Christmas socks.

SOURCE: HEAVY.COM

25 Worst Christmas Gifts: How to Offend Everyone on Your List
Unknown's avatar

Published by pat frederick

Published

119 thoughts on “Worst Christmas Gifts Ever: Part 2”

    1. Morning, Pat! At least all that rain surely melted a lot of snow from your roof! 39 here at the moment, cloudy – looks like the moisture is headed our way. Supposedly only up to 2″ of snow predicted, mostly to the east, with just a trace here. But, as always in NE, that can change in a nanosecond! No skin off my back – I’m definitely not goin’ anywhere any time soon! Single digits next week!

      Wheezer was waiting this morning and definitely NOT in the mood for any petting. The minute I tried to pet his back, he whipped his head around as if to bite me and brought up one front paw. Well, alrighty, then – I’ll leave you to it, asshole! SMH – men!!!

      OK, what lunatic wants to actually draw attention TO their stretch marks??? I was always very subconscious about mine. I speculate that because I was so small and had never been heavy my entire life, my skin didn’t have any elasticity. They were really bad with my first pregnancy, with one of them almost bleeding. If I went to a public pool, I always wore a one-piece suit. By the time HB was born almost 10 years later, I was much more self-confident and didn’t GAS any more! Hey, if you don’t like it, don’t look! LOL

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Morning Filly!

        the snow is definitely off the roof and it looks like the stubborn hard snow from the roof that i couldn’t budge even yesterday is mostly gone too.

        there are small amounts of snow where hubby plowed the driveway etc but most is gone. the pond however looks to be semi frozen still. hope the deer stay off it.

        wheezer is bipolar? lol or does he have a twin lol

        Liked by 1 person

      1. he wants the debt ceiling removed for a while into his presidency. keeping it in place during the beginning of his administration hamstrings what he will be able to do. once the deportations start, once we start drilling for oil and gas again and prices come down, we can address limiting spending–and he wants that maybe in a year. keeping it in place now is just to hamstring him so his economic recovery is slow instead of fast as he wants.

        he wants fiscal responsibility but not at the expense of a rebounding economy. making things better for americans is priority one.

        getting congress to budget and stay within that budget can be priority two.

        Liked by 1 person

  18. EXCERPT: “Sen. Ron Johnson, R-Wis., who next month will begin overseeing the Senate’s most powerful investigative body, says the government’s vaccine safety system is no longer protecting Americans adequately because of conflicts of interest and lack of transparency, and he is vowing to work with the incoming Trump administration to press for sweeping reforms.

    Those reforms could range from changing the vaccine liability protections of drug makers to taxpayer funding and other changes to insure the independence of safety testing, he told Just the News.

    “The best solution for this is actually make these products safer, and do real science to determine whether there are certain conditions that make you more vulnerable,” Johnson said in a wide-ranging interview on the Just the News, No Noise television show.

    Asked whether the current safety system led by the Food and Drug Administration and Centers for Disease Control and Prevention was adequately protecting Americans, Johnson answered: “I would say absolutely not.”

    “….Restoring integrity

    “When you pay for science, you get the result you want,” he said. “From my standpoint, job No. 1 is we have to restore integrity to science (even) if it’s going to be public funding. And we need independent boards with everybody at the table. I just don’t want one side.”

    Johnson said a recent effort by the government to protect Pfizer data on its COVID-19 vaccine from coming out illustrated the closeness of regulators and those they are supposed to regulate.

    “I think if you want evidence of the corruption … it was the FDA that went to court to protect the trial data on the mRNA injection for 75 years now,” he said. “I’m sure Pfizer would have gone to court, didn’t have to, because the federal agencies went to bat for them and tried to keep that information, which should have been made publicly available almost immediately, a secret for 75 years.”

    Johnson said he also continues to support changing the absolute liability indemnifications that vaccine makers get from the government, an idea that former CDC Director Robert Redfield recently endorsed. Johnson said a middle ground with some protections and some liability is a likely outcome….”

    “…..“We’ve pretty well been given the middle finger,” he said. “For the last four years, I have not had subpoena power, so I can’t compel testimony, and the federal agencies know that, and so they just completely ignore Congress, which means they completely ignore the American people. That’s a recurring theme.

    “Hopefully, when I start issuing subpoenas that will gain their attention, and when President Trump gets inaugurated with the people he has selected for his administration, they will be able to extract that information,” he said.”

    https://justthenews.com/politics-policy/health/monkey-senator-says-vaccine-safety-system-failing-urges-reforms-testing-and

    Liked by 1 person

    1. the bureaucrats and their minions have been writing the laws, the regulations and bypassing congress for too damn long!

      i want–the public– wants transparency so we can make good decisions!

      Liked by 1 person

  19. another can of worms opened…

    The Gipper Lives

    December 30, 2024 8:59 am

    Reply to  Clarion

    OPT is run by U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS).

    CIAWiki:

    “USCIS is an agency of the United States Department of Homeland Security (DHS) that administers the country’s naturalization and immigration system. It is a successor to the Immigration and Naturalization
    Service (INS), which was dissolved by the Homeland Security Act of 2002 and replaced by three components within the DHS: USCIS, Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE), and Customs and Border Protection (CBP).”

    Fatherland Security again. The folks who brought you Butler.

    Allows tens of thousands of indentured students to overstay, gives employers a matching SS exemption of 8%, permits low wages–and was never passed by Congress but written by a Homeland bureaucrat over a lobbyist’s dinner!

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Just The News: “With the second semester of the 2024-2025 school year coming soon, recent data shows that while college tuition and fees have inevitably increased, the cost of on-campus inflation is lower than usual.

    Higher education costs rose 3.4% in fiscal year 2024, a decreased rate of inflation compared to the 4% increase in 2023 and 5.2% increase in 2022, data from the Commonfund Institute’s Higher Education Price Index shows.

    From 1977 to 2024, college tuition rose by 1,513%, experiencing an average inflation rate of 6.1% per year, which is almost double the overall inflation rate of 3.56% during that same period.

    James M. Hohman, director of Fiscal Policy at the Mackinac Center for Public Policy, told The Center Square that most of the price hikes are due to ubiquitous student loans. Because most Americans expect they will take out loans to afford higher education, colleges and universities have little incentive to lower their otherwise unaffordable prices.

    “Essentially, colleges can keep raising tuition because it doesn’t matter to their ability to recruit students,” Hohman said. “And I believe the federal government is partially the culprit for this, too, because of the ability for students to not have to economize based on tuition. They can afford to go wherever they want because the federal government will ensure that they can borrow money in order to pay for the cost.”

    HEPI data also reveals that while administrative salaries rose 5.1% in 2024 – the highest annual increase since 2014 – faculty saw a 3.4% increase, which is roughly in line with inflation.

    “On the expenditure side, you can see that the reason that college costs are going up is not because faculty are earning more – in fact, colleges have done a lot to control their costs for instruction through the use of adjuncts and part-time professors. The real cost is administration,” Hohman said. “Exactly what students have gotten in return for all of that is an open question.”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. stop underwriting nonsensical, non productive degrees.

      what the hell kind of job can you get with a degree in lesbian interpretative dance?

      you want to fund degrees–make it for stem degrees OR trade schools…USEFUL things.

      Liked by 1 person

        1. and what do they all do??
          I said this before I know, but I was amazed at the hierarchy in the school district here. the principal gets $200K a year. his secretary makes $95K a year and then there’s the vice principal and his Secretary (all these people have private offices.) then there’s the general secretarial staff and their assistants.
          there are 4 towns in the school district which combined has a population of about 6,000 people–if you’re lucky. and there is one high school and 1 elementary school. and we pay those kinds of salaries and benefits to oversee 2 schools???

          Liked by 1 person

            1. i also wasn’t aware that the school systems ALSO get $$ out of the real estate taxes we pay yearly. most people don’t know that. once i found out? (I was working the borough office) I told everyone who came in to drop off their tax payments. the Borough meeting was lit…LOL

              Liked by 1 person

              1. Oh, I knew that. I think that’s primarily how our schools are funded. It’s also an issue with home schoolers – they shouldn’t have to pay that tax if they aren’t using the facilities.

                Liked by 1 person

      2. Same thing with the government workers’ union – eliminate half and things will still keep moving. And make the other half choose: pick up the slack or be unemployed!

        Liked by 1 person

  23. so we’re sending India $$ for their school system that has the best and the brightest?

    RJH

    December 30, 2024 10:01 am

    From US AID (Agency for International Developmnt) Website.
    Promoting Inclusive Growth – EducationBreadcrumb

    1. Home India Promoting Inclusive Growth – Education

    ContextEducation is a foundational driver of development results. India’s diverse educational landscape offers the opportunity to enhance foundational learning outcomes.  With one of the world’s largest youth populations, there is significant potential to improve education outcomes and equip students and educators with essential skills for the future.
    Sectors

    • CURRICULUM DESIGN
    • FOUNDATIONAL LEARNING 
    • TEACHER TRAINING
    • DIGITAL TOOLS
    • GENDER AND DISABILITY INCLUSION

    Our WorkUSAID collaborates with the Indian government and private sector to enhance foundational education quality and delivery.  Focused on strengthening education systems, USAID works with state governments to improve curriculum design, teacher training, and digital learning tools, and expanding access to education for girls and children with disabilities.
    Our ImpactUSAID’s education partnership with India has reached over 9 million students, equipping them with essential skills for the future.  This investment drives development progress, fostering economic growth, improved health, and more resilient communities, delivering lasting benefits for individuals and society.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. As far as I’m concerned, that’s one entire agency that should be eliminated! The only “aid” being given out should be to US citizens OR, in the case of a huge catastrophe, for humanitarian purposes ONLY!!! REAL humanitarian purposes, kinda like the hurricanes in our OWN country!!!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. From 12/18:

      “Former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi arrived back at her California home on Wednesday after suffering a fall in “very high” heels and undergoing hip replacement surgery during her trip to Europe.

      The California congresswoman, 84, was spotted apparently talking into a pink cellphone in a black vehicle outside her San Francisco home in the first pictures of her in the US exclusively obtained by The Post. “Speaker Pelosi is well on the mend and continues to work,” her spokesperson Ian Krager told The Post.”

      https://nypost.com/2024/12/18/us-news/nancy-pelosi-back-home-after-hip-surgery-following-high-heel-fall-in-europe/

      Liked by 1 person

            2. I remember when Lois across the street had her replacement at 79 – she was up and walking almost immediately; however, she also needed her other hip replaced, was/is very heavy, and had other issues so she still walks with a walker. And not nearly as much $$$ as Piglosi has!!

              EXCERPT: “Day 4-7

              If everything is under control, you will probably be discharged from the hospital and can begin light activities, such as walking around the house or room. Make sure to take it easy and avoid putting too much stress on your hip. It is also crucial to maintain good hygiene and keep the surgical area Day 8-14

              You can gradually increase your activity level, but continue avoiding strenuous exercises. At this time, you may continue to experience pain or swelling in the incision area as the wound is still tender. Also, by this time, your stitches should dissolve but if not, consider getting them removed. Day 15-30

              You can resume most of your everyday activities, but make sure to take it easy and listen to your body. If you experience any pain or discomfort, reduce your activity level until the pain subsides and consult with your doctor.” 

              https://www.boomershub.com/blog/hip-surgery-recovery-time-for-the-elderly

              Liked by 1 person

  26. https://www.zerohedge.com/political/marc-andreessen-every-signal-being-sent-trump-doj-official-harmeet-dhillon-will-drop

    Our Take: “Wokeness” is just a cutesy term for global communism, and communists don’t just go away. Communists will fight to move the needle until they’ve overexposed themselves, then continue from the shadows until it’s safe to reemerge.

    The machine has worked hard to expand globalism into every industry and geography in the world, and they aren’t abandoning their plans. They will simply evolve their plans to subvert the golden age and reclaim power.

    We’re fighting hydra, and some of the perceived avengers are acting like winter soldiers. Maybe it’s authentic conflict or maybe it’s kayfabe; it doesn’t matter. The future is being shaped right now. The voice of the American people should be heard and heeded in shaping the future, at least when it comes to American companies, labor, trade, etc. It probably won’t be, but it should.

    The likely outcome is sustainability and climate initiatives will be reprioritized over social justice and DEI, for a few years, until the outrage calms down and people forget the season we’re concluding.

    Making corporate culture less “woke” will do little to stop the spread of global communism. It just forces it to rebrand (again).” — Ashe in America

    Liked by 1 person

  29. About this H1B visa debate – a guy on Fox was talking about the positions for cleaning ladies, housekeepers, baby-sitters, yard workers and other so-called menial jobs that Americans won’t take – here’s the thing: if Americans won’t take the custodial jobs: #1 take their welfare away if they aren’t willing to work; and #2 raise the wages paid for those jobs to legal minimum wage.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. exactly!!! make welfare a hand UP not a hand out. you gotta perform so many hours of employment to be eligible for SUPPLEMENTAL money. we should not be paying people to stay home and shoot out babies for more $$.

      Liked by 1 person

  30. Ah, yes….and here comes the rain, light so far; still 39 so it’s not freezing yet. Hmmm….that new big seed block is going to get soaked…. Yeah! Another re-purposing job that works! Now I have a round plastic bowl over the top of it and the water will fall around the outsides of the feeder.

    Liked by 1 person

  36. TheseTruths

    TheseTruths(@thesetruths)

    Online

    Wolf

    December 30, 2024 12:44

    Wall Street Apes:

    THERE IT IS 🚨 New Director of The FBI Kash Patel exposes The CIA was behind the COVID 19 coverup working with Anthony Fauci

    “Gina Haspel as Director of The CIA — authorized 6 case officers and intelligence analysts to be paid off so that they would change their assessment on COVID originations”

    “Institutional decision to spend taxpayer dollars to lie to the world where Covid came from because it fit the narrative that Fauci and the media wanted out there. Along with Gina Haspel”

    Kash Patel then talks about how Anthony Fauci and the media worked together to shape a narrative and The CIA backed them up

    THERE IT IS 🚨 New Director of The FBI Kash Patel exposes The CIA was behind the COVID 19 coverup working with Anthony Fauci

    “Gina Haspel as Director of The CIA — authorized 6 case officers and intelligence analysts to be paid off so that they would change their assessment on… pic.twitter.com/Gufz12kAsv

    — Wall Street Apes (@WallStreetApes) December 30, 2024

    Liked by 1 person

  38. “Although not really a hole in the sky, it definitely looks like one! Fallstreak holes form when the water temperature in clouds hasn’t dropped to freezing yet due to ice nucleation.”

    “A sudden drop in temperatures causes frost flowers.”

    “River of Five Colors, Columbia”

    “Lava droplets from volcanic eruptions can be caught by the wind and stretched into what are essentially long, thin glass wires. These hair-like strands, often known as Pele’s hair, can extend up to 6 feet. The phenomenon, known as Witch’s Hair in Norway, is also present in Hawaii and is named after Pele, the goddess of volcanoes.”

    “Every autumn, flocks of Starling birds undertake an ostentatious sky march, creating the picturesque phenomenon known as “the black sun.”

    Liked by 1 person

  39. “Moeraki Boulders, New Zealand”

    “Pando Aspen Grove, Utah”

    “Ice Caves, Iceland”

    “Snow Chimneys, Antarctica

    “Darvaza Gas Crater, Turkmenistan”

    Liked by 1 person

  40. Horse racing in Oman, Qatar (Yes, those are Arabians they’re riding!)

    Ba Den Mountain in Tay Ninh is the highest mountain in Vietnam’s Mekong Delta.

    Singapore

    Turkey

    A supermoon sits at the top of the Saudi Public Investment Fund tower in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. He may have just found himself almost unseated for some reason. Maybe his horse stumbled or the other horse bumped into his horse. Or there may have been some trick involved.

        Liked by 1 person

  42. Just The News: “Matthew Graves, the U.S. Attorney for the District of Columbia whose name surfaced in testimony by IRS whistleblowers about political interference in the Hunter Biden tax case, will resign in early January, the Department of Justice confirmed Monday.

    “Serving as the U.S. Attorney for the District of Columbia has been the honor of a lifetime,” Graves said. “I am deeply thankful to Congresswoman Holmes Norton for recommending me; to President Biden for nominating me; and to Attorney General Garland for placing his trust in me.”

    Graves featured in the testimony of whistleblowers Gary Shapley and Joseph Ziegler, the IRS agents who went public about alleged political interference by Biden-appointed officials in the Hunter Biden tax probe. When then-Delaware U.S. Attorney David Weiss sought to bring charges in D.C., Graves declined to partner with him on the case, according to the whistleblowers’ testimony.

    That declination was among the key points the whistleblowers addressed in contradicting Attorney General Merrick Garland’s statements that Weiss had full authority to pursue charges against Biden.

    Graves’s declination prevented the investigators from pursuing charges related to the 2014 and 2015 tax years, when Biden was on the board of the Ukrainian gas firm Burisma.”

    Liked by 1 person

  43. “The Breakfast Cereal Addiction: How the American Heart Association helped make America unhealthy”

    Robert W Malone MD, MS, Dec 30, 2024

    EXCERPT: “How did cereal become such a large part of the American diet? How did Americans go from eating eggs for breakfast or maybe oats, to eating ultra-processed or processed breakfast cereals? Why did we give up one of the most nutritionally dense foods known to humankind for a “fortified” sugary fest of carbs, with a dollop of seed oils, artificial flavors, and dyes added in?

    To provide some context, please follow me down a personal retrospective rabbit hole, dialing the clock way back to 2019. And get ready to blow up your TV.

    In 2019, Jill took a bad fall off of her stallion while jumping, and sustained a trimalleolar fracture, resulting in a plate and 10 pins in her ankle. It was unclear if she would ever walk normally again. Earlier that year, she had slipped while hiking in the Azores during a wedding anniversary vacation and had broken her other ankle.

    Then, at the end of 2020, in the middle of the pandemic craziness, she got hit by a horse hoof when a young colt reared up. That hoof nailed her squarely in the face – resulting in teeth getting knocked out, others having to be pulled, then a year-old process of bone grafts, facial reconstruction and finally tooth implants in early 2022. Yeah, all during that crazy year of 2021, when I was thrown into the spotlight while suffering from long COVID and post-vaccination injury, Jill was battling issues of both neuropathic damage to her foot and ankle (which will be lifelong) and a disfiguring injury to her face.

    Bottom line, lots of stress, lots of travel, not much exercise and we both gained a lot of weight. So, about mid-2022, we committed to losing that weight and radically changing our diets. Over the past two years, we each have lost over fifty pounds.

    Jill’s “first” career was working with exotic animals as a behaviorist and zoo keeper, and she was an animal science major at UC Davis before switching to behavioral anthropology at UC San Diego as her undergraduate degree. She was very focused on factory farms and farming practices. By way of additional background, we both have had high cholesterol since our thirties. For those reasons, we switched to a vegetarian diet around 1992. So, at the time we committed to weight loss, we had been vegetarians for thirty years.

    When the vaccine injury to my heart eventually brought me to the doorstep of Dr. Brooke Miller, he ran some blood tests and then insisted that I change my diet to include meat; he advocated a carnivore diet as a way to drop pounds. Jill and I spent a month researching high-protein diets, and concluded that this radically different way of eating made sense for us.

    We basically put ourselves on a “paleo” diet…..”

    https://www.malone.news/p/the-breakfast-cereal-addiction

    Liked by 1 person

  44. Well, the snow has started and has begun to stick; temp is 35 but the wind has picked up from the east so I expect that will be dropping soon.

    Liked by 1 person

Comments are closed.