Halloween HAHAS

Humor 1 Minute

Q: What do you get when you put a spider on an ear of corn?
A: A cobweb.

Q: What do you call a spider with 20 eyes?
A: A spiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiider.

Q: The maker of this product does not want it, the buyer does not use it and the user does not see it. What is it?
A: A coffin.

Q: When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?
A: When you’re a mouse.

Q: What is a pause in work at a mortuary called?
A: A coffin break.

Q: What kind of monster loves to disco?
A: The boogieman.

Q: Why didn’t the scarecrow eat dinner?
A: He was already stuffed.

Q: Why was the jack-o’-lantern afraid to cross the road?
A: He had no guts.

Q: What do you call a fat pumpkin?
A: A plumpkin.

Q: How do you fix a broken jack-o’-lantern?
A: With a pumpkin patch.

Q: Why is a cemetery a great place to write a story?
A: Because there are so many plots there.

Q: What genre of music does a mummy like the best?
A: Wrap!

Q: Where do ghosts like to travel on vacation?
A: The Dead Sea.

Q: What’s a ghoul’s favorite drink?
A: Anything with boos.

Q: What does a panda ghost eat?
A: Bam-BOO!

Q: What do Italian ghosts have for dinner?
A: Spook-hetti!

Q: Where does a ghost go on vacation?
A: Mali-boo.

Q: What is a zombie’s favorite appetizer?
A: Finger food!

Q: What happens if you forget to pay your exorcist?
A: You get repossessed.

Q: What do ghosts order at the bar?
A: Boos. And then they leave sheet-faced.

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Published by pat frederick

Published

216 thoughts on “Halloween HAHAS”

    1. Good morning! Too cute, my dear!!! Wheezer returned sometime during the night and ate, and is curled up in his chair. A nipply 20 degrees this morning!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Brian Cates – Political Columnist & Pundit
    @drawandstrike
    Yeah, ok…let’s deconstruct this.

    Fact 1: General Flynn withdrew his guilty plea.

    Is he arguing Flynn remained ‘convicted’ after he did that?

    Fact 2: After he withdrew his guilty plea, Flynn demanded a trial.

    Fact 3: The DOJ **filed a motion to drop its case against Flynn** based on exculpatory evidence. DOJ prosecutors were no longer willing to continue the case against General Flynn. This is a matter of public record that is not in dispute.

    Fact 4: Flynn was not ‘awaiting sentencing’ when Trump pardoned him. There was no guilty plea and no jury or judge had pronounced him guilty at that point. How could he be ‘awaiting sentencing’ when there was no guilty plea and no judge or jury had heard the case issued a verdict?

    Fact 5: A pardon isn’t only issued to people who have been convicted of a crime. It can also be used to summarily END A MALICIOUS PROSECTION. Trump pardoning Flynn ended Judge Sullivan’s 10 month-long temper tantrum as he tried to go it alone all by himself and prosecute Flynn with his own appointed ‘special counsel’ after the DOJ refused to pursue the case any longer.

    This is exactly the kind of dumbassery I have been talking about.

    People don’t know the actual facts, they just string together talking points.

    Liked by 3 people

  7. TheseTruths(@thesetruths)Offline
    Wolf
    October 31, 2023 00:44

    The DEA is randomly searching people at airports and seizing any money they have in their bags.

    In Plane Sight: Drug agents searching passengers for cash at airport gates
    Agents search carry-on bags without getting warrants and seize money without making arrests

    From the article:

    …That same video shows some of the leverage DEA task force officers can use to gain consent.

    “You’re either going to sign a consent form saying that you’re allowing us to search [your bags],” the drug agent told the passenger. “Or I’m going to detain them, run my dog on it, and get a search warrant.”

    The passenger immediately agreed to sign the consent form.

    “It’s not a consensual interview in those circumstances,” Alban said. “It’s an ambush.”

    No drugs were found, but the agents did find money, which they seized. The passenger was allowed to board his flight while the federal government kept the money. The passenger has since filed a claim with the federal court in Atlanta.

    Congress is taking notice

    “I think it was rotten to the core,” U.S. Senator Rand Paul said. The Kentucky Republican has submitted legislation going back years to make it harder for police to seize money from people without arresting them.

    “That’s not the way our country’s supposed to work. You’re supposed to be innocent until proven guilty, not, ‘Oh, you’re guilty. Give me your stuff, and then you can have it back if you prove you didn’t get it through ill-gotten gains,’” Sen. Paul told InvestigateTV.

    The Fifth Amendment Integrity Restoration (FAIR) Act recently passed the House Judiciary Committee by unanimous vote.

    The House bill has 18 cosponsors — half Republicans, half Democrats.

    …The FAIR Act would send all money seized by the federal government to the general fund, taking away what Rep. Walberg calls a perverse incentive because agencies currently get to keep the money they seize.

    The bill would also increase the government’s burden of proof in civil asset forfeiture cases to clear and convincing.

    These airport cases are clear violations of the Fourth Amendment.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. HA! i’d support ANY cuts to irs!

    Proud Elephant 🇺🇸🦅
    @ProudElephantUS
    🚨BREAKING: House Republicans have released the new Israel Aid bill.

    It offsets $14.3 billion in Israel aid with $14.3 billion in cuts to the IRS.

    This bill includes zero aid for Ukraine.

    DO YOU SUPPORT THIS? 🙋🏻‍♂️

    Liked by 3 people

  13. And in the world of Wheezer….he has discovered the joys of a warm lap! I saw him at the bowl eating and when he stepped away, I went outside and sat in my chair and started petting and rubbing on him – dang it’s cold! He was purring and rubbing and I picked him up and put him on my lap. He stayed for a couple of minutes, then jumped down. He then turned around and put his front paws up on my legs, making a couple of half-hearted attempts to jump, reaching out with his paw to try to catch my hand to pet him some more. After a couple more attempts, on the 3rd try, he made it to my lap and didn’t want to get down! He didn’t settle down and cuddle up but kept turning in my lap, targeting my hands to keep me petting him. It was too cold for me to stay out there long – when I came back inside, he sat down in front of the door, watching me – every time I’d walk by, I could see him start kneading with his paws, with one paw up in the air trying to get my attention. We’re getting there!

    Liked by 3 people

      1. Oh, yeah – he mostly gets it on his head/neck area when he comes over and puts his front feet up on my chair, then reaches out with a paw to get my attention. Once a day, he’ll get the zoomies and come galloping down the hallway – sounds like a small pony! That’s usually after he’s taken a dump and he brings the smell with him, unfortunately! He’s too fat to cover it in the litter box. Then he’ll come and throw himself down on the floor in front of me and roll over on his back – he wants me to rub his fat belly!!!

        Liked by 1 person

          1. Oh, yeah – it’s awful! I usually end up going back there and using the scoop to cover it myself. He is at least twice the size he was when I took him from Mom but it’s the same litter box – at least it’s covered! LOL – it has a slot for a deodorizer patch on the top (yes, they make them) so I need to grab some on my next trip to WM.

            Liked by 1 person

  18. EXCERPT: “House Republican opposition to Ukraine funding – a large part of why Kevin McCarthy was ousted by the Freedom Caucus – is solidifying under newly crowned Speaker Mike Johnson, who hand-delivered a report to President Biden with a list of demands.

    In particular, the list – written by Rep. Mike Garcia (R-CA), informs Biden that Congress won’t authorize any additional funds for Ukraine unless the administration answers a dozen questions about the path forward. Chief among them – how Biden and Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy plan to win the war against Russia, and how long it might take.

    “Failure to ask these questions, and a continued willingness by Congress to enable this carte blanche mentality to date, is, in my opinion, a dereliction of duty and a recipe for disaster that will enable a Ukrainian defeat and enhance Chinese aggression,” said Garcia.

    Johnson, meanwhile, has made clear that House Republicans won’t bundle Ukraine aid and money for Israel’s conflict with Hamas, as Biden wants. On Sunday, Johnson told “Sunday Morning Futures” that Israel aid must be separated because it’s a more “pressing and urgent need” that the House will act on this week. “There are lots of things going on around the world that we have to address, and we will,” he said, adding “But now what’s happening in Israel takes the immediate attention, and we’ve got to separate that and get it through.”

    What about no on Israel too? Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA) on Sunday posted on X that she won’t support any more foreign aid, including support to Israel, because of the national debt.

    “I will be voting NO on all funding packages for the Ukraine war (as I have from the beginning) and now the Israel war,” she wrote. “We have had over 10 MILLION people illegally cross our border since Biden took office and we are over $33 TRILLION dollars in debt with many major problems afflicting Americans.” She also responded to a tweet by Rep. Thomas Massie (R-KY), who raised the same point, saying “we simply can’t afford it.” — ZeroHedge

    https://www.zerohedge.com/political/congress-headed-showdown-over-ukraine-israel-funds-massie-and-greene-say-no-all

    Liked by 2 people

  21. I will know our government is serious about terrorism when people on the news and our reps start talking about the Muslim Brotherhood!!! A Muslim woman who emigrated from Iraq in 1993 is running to unseat Omar in MN. “We need to fight that ideology! We are against RADICAL ideology!” She described seeing with her own eyes what Hamas does…but still….nothing about the Muslim Brotherhood….sigh….

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Yet another example of leftist media bias…

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Liked by 1 person

    1. i wonder how long it will be until someone rings the bell to call the attendant only to be ambushed by a gang of thugs? the shoplifters and thieves will figure out a way around this OR they will protest it as being racist so the DC AG sues cvs. then they will leave altogether.

      Liked by 2 people

          1. Well, those field trips don’t show people the seedy side of things. Get away from the immediate area around the Capitol building and it shows up quickly.

            Liked by 2 people

            1. we were basically dropped off in front of the Smithsonian and given a time and place to return to. the chaperones had to sign sheets giving the approx times they visited so many of the approved sites. you were on your own all day

              Liked by 1 person

      2. Obama’s sons and daughters are out of control – we need reformatory work farms to teach them values – to know right from wrong, how work, and respect others rights and property!!!!

        Sheriff Arapaio had the right idea.

        Liked by 2 people

    1. ROFL – told you I’d been saving ’em! Can’t find a lot of the great older ones these days. Interesting….I opened the curtain on my interior front door and saw some pretty big paw prints in the snow on my front porch…too big to be a cat’s, I think. More like a medium-sized dog…but there are no dogs that run around loose in the neighborhood…not big enough for a coyote…maybe a fox? I know they sometimes put their dens underneath my neighbor’s shed.

      Liked by 1 person

  28. Miss Pat – Which HD Singer do you have – 4411 – 4423 – 4432 – 4443 – or – 4452 ?

    My basic 1970s Kenmore only does straight and zig zag and works for the wheelchair sewing – but it doesn’t make decent buttonholes. I’m thinking about trying a good used HD Singer.

    Liked by 1 person

        1. I have!
          and i liked that this particular model has “less” plastic parts and more metal ones like they used to. that was int he description for their “heavy duty” moniker. it does a lot of repetitive seaming and at high speeds, so i thought the metal components would last longer

          Liked by 1 person

            1. no. mostly needle size is to blame for broken needles. most cottons need a size 11, and most thicker fabrics call for a 14, there are some higher–but those are really special needles. i used a 9 for this nylon ripstop fabric that my son wanted me to use for a water bottle “skin” system when he was running marathons.
              when i make oven mitts where each side of the mitt has 4 layers, I make sure to use my 14 needles–that’s 8 layers!

              Liked by 1 person

      1. Did you get the extension table?

        I’m thinking of going to JoAnn today.

        I want to find a pattern or make my own – for a capelet to keep my shoulders and neck warm.

        Shawl collar – button – https://i.pinimg.com/originals/e8/cb/67/e8cb67a1701950a387eefa3ce9669515.jpg

        I don’t knit – so I’ll make it out of knit fabric. Maybe textured like this fabric:

        * Cowl collar pull over – https://i.etsystatic.com/5118769/r/il/c44724/4411761535/il_1588xN.4411761535_1zrs.jpg

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I didn’t. but i bring my machine out to the dining room table so i have plenty of space to spread out.
          i like that!!
          they have plenty of warm wools (unless you’re allergic) and probably the newer ones that aren’t as itchy.
          I made one out of an old blanket my mom loved but was beginning to fray. It was a pain making it because it was a knitted blanket my sister gave her. I had to bind the seams to make sure they didn’t fray if she washed it. but she loves it and she can still “use” the blanket.

          Like

        2. Jumping in the middle of a discussion I have no business being in….LOL. Do you like shawls, GA? I’ve got one, maybe two, I would be happy to send to you since there is no-one here who might want them. I spent a few months when I was in the Army crocheting shawls and selling them for Xmas gifts. I got about $20 for them, IIRC. IDR if I still have one of those but I know I have a nice fluffy white one that was my Mom’s.

          Liked by 2 people

          1. Hi Filly. I’ve tried shawls, but they don’t suit me somehow. I want something that will stay put – with a button and a bit of a collar – probably a shawl collar. I may draw a paper pattern and go from there if I don’t find one.

            Liked by 2 people

              8. I always loved her Peach Cobblers but no-one carries them any more! Her chicken and turkey pot pies are really good and filling.

                Liked by 2 people

      2. For a cape – I’ve been using shirts knotting the sleeves around my shoulders in the day time – and I have a small bath towel I put on at night.

        I need something more presentable.

        Liked by 1 person

  29. Wheezer update…he was sleeping in my chair when I bundled up to go out and refill the bird feeders and hang them up again – up to 29 now, thankfully, with clear skies and sunshine but IDT it’s supposed to get out of the 30’s today. I had to dodge him weaving around my legs while I was filling them and he followed me out the door. He waited by the doorway while I walked out to the garden bed, came to greet me half-way, purring loudly enough that I could hear him w/o bending down, then followed me back onto the patio. When I sat down, I had to pick him up and put him on my lap but he settled right in, purring and rubbing against my hands. He then sat down and gazed out over the scene from his new vantage point. Again, it was clear he wanted to follow me inside but Jake was right there – he never tries when Jake is nearby.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Are Jake and Wheezer on Friendly Terms ™ – or are they growling and carrying on under their breath with their hackles raised and tails switching back and forth?

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Neither one of them is that fierce. Wheezer just watches him, and it’s only Jake who will growl sometimes; usually, it’s a series of those under-his-breath kind of throaty growls. I think he’s only gotten riled up enough to spit once, when Wheezer put his nose up to the glass.

        Liked by 2 people

            1. so he can be intimidating?

              I don’t know a lot about cats…but I asked my son how their cat has taken to the dog(s). he said Walter will act all aloof and stuff and then when the dogs are sleeping he will come down from his “tree” basket and wallop them in the head and starting running down the hall

              Liked by 1 person

              1. Oh, he tries to be…as long as there is a door between them! Even kittens scare the crap out of Jake – he hides the ENTIRE time any other cat is in the house no matter how small. The whole time I had Melli’s kitten here, Jake never once came out of the bedroom. Same with the premie kitten my Sis brought one time; that one didn’t even crawl around except right around the carrier. Nope, Jake was having none of it – he would stand in the doorway into the hall and hiss, then turn and run to the bedroom.

                Liked by 1 person

  30. Here is what I don’t understand….WHY do we still have troops in all of those other Islamic countries??? Why have we not now left Iraq, Syria, Egypt, Jordan ad nauseum??? GTFO!!!

    Liked by 2 people

  31. “Dear America: We’ve Got Our Own War To Win—Israel and Ukraine are just distractions from the great tyranny at home”
    EMERALD ROBINSON
    OCT 31, 2023

    ENTIRE ARTICLE: “Nothing in the swamp is a coincidence. The Biden regime has been staring at a dismal fate just twelve months out from the 2024 election. There were impeachment charges in the House to face, and terrible approval polls to digest — even among Democrats. Things were so bad that the mysterious death of Barack Obama’s personal chef was getting attention. It was a terrible news cycle. Something had to change.

    So the Biden regime sent $6 billion to Iran to pay its proxy terror group, Hamas, for a “little war” in Israel as a distraction. Isn’t it obvious?

    In fact, the United States “is currently funding virtually every side of every conflict in the Middle East” according to Trump advisor Stephen Miller. Who can doubt that dismal truth?

    Now wonder it seems so hard to keep Hamas’ barbaric raid from becoming the Last Great War. Since Washington has become the foreign-aid money-laundering capital of the world, our politicians seem to be taking all sides at once. The Biden regime funnels dark money to Iran and military aid packages to Israel and humanitarian relief to Gaza — all at the same time. Our strategy is to foment pure chaos.

    We seem to be sleep-walking toward Armageddon — which people tend to forget is not only a metaphor but a place. It’s the last battle on the plains of Megiddo in Israel.

    Of course, America’s corporate media has faithfully complied with Obama-Biden’s “wag the dog” strategy. All that you have to do is compare the treatment of Ukraine to Israel to see the plan. Nearly 500,000 people have died in the Ukraine war — but the corporate media in America wouldn’t let you see three minutes of war footage in the last two years. Compare that total media blackout to the 24/7 coverage that Americans have been fed in the last few weeks of paragliding Muslim jihadists.

    The CIA lets you see what it wants you to see. All of this war coverage has had its desired effect. It’s simply astonishing to see the number of Americans who can’t stop talking about the Hamas invasion of Israel while 8 million illegal aliens swarm across their own border. Isn’t it obvious? You are being diverted by the corporate media to care about a war that is not your problem.

    Consider your present circumstances: your elections are rigged. An illegal regime, using a dementia patient who’s been bribed by China as its figurehead, just forced you to take a dangerous and untested shot — which has already killed many people. Your secret police are now arresting parents at school board meetings and infiltrating Christian churches openly. Your nation is being invaded at its border by millions of illegal aliens — and that invasion is taking place with the assistance of the Department of Homeland Security.

    That’s why America’s mass media has you worried about Gaza.

    Look how easily your attention was diverted. Look how easy it was to make you dismiss your own interests. Look how quickly you forgot your own nation. You might want to take a break from being a fool this time. My advice to you is quite simple: stop obeying your television. You must retake your attention and your focus from the latest Current Thing.

    Don’t be distracted by the war in Israel. Don’t be distracted by the war in Ukraine. You have your own war to win. That war is at home. The tyrants you must overthrow are right here in America.”

    Liked by 1 person

  37. “Colleagues Compliment John Fetterman On His Excellent Frankenstein Costume”
    U.S. · Oct 31, 2023 · BabylonBee.com

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — The award for best costume at this year’s Senate Halloween Social was all but a foregone conclusion, as all of Senator John Fetterman’s colleagues almost unanimously recognized him on his outstanding Frankenstein costume.

    “It’s a totally perfect depiction,” said Senator Chuck Schumer. “I literally thought Dr. Frankenstein’s monster himself had walked into the Senate chamber. If I didn’t already know John, I would have never thought he was actually a senator. He looks absolutely nothing like one.”

    Fetterman seemed unfazed by the adulation for his costume. “It’s almost as if he didn’t know what we were talking about when we told him his costume was great,” said Lindsey Graham. “He just stared at us with this blank, glazed-over stare. Now that I think of it, that’s the only facial expression I’ve ever seen him have. Uncanny resemblance.”

    Other senators commended Fatterman’s commitment to the character. “It’s more of a modernized version of Frankenstein since he’s wearing a wrinkly suit jacket paired with basketball shorts, but he really nailed the whole ‘mindless, lumbering monster’ theme,” said Senator Ted Cruz. “He had us all mesmerized as he grunted, staggered, and stomped around the room. He really had us believing he was a reanimated, lobotomized corpse.”

    At publishing time, following a vote from all Senate members, Fetterman’s Frankenstein costume had officially won the award of the night, beating out other contenders such as Elizabeth Warren’s American Indian princess, Mitt Romney being dressed up as a conservative, and Mitch McConnell’s convincing portrayal of a statue.”

    Liked by 1 person

  38. “Zombie Wandering Capitol Hill In Search Of Brains Starves To Death”
    POLITICS · Oct 30, 2023 · BabylonBee.com

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — According to first responders, a member of the undead community has starved to death after lumbering around Capitol Hill in search of brains for several weeks and finding none.

    “BRAAAAAAIINS!” said a reanimated corpse as he walked by Chuck Schumer, Lauren Boebert, AOC, and Ilhan Omar with disinterest. “NEEEED BRAAAAAAAAINS!”

    Sources say that the reanimated corpse then shuffled to a stop and collapsed on the sidewalk of the National Mall in exhaustion. D.C.’s coroner later confirmed the undead creature died again of malnutrition, as there wasn’t a single human skull containing a brain for miles around.

    “We never paid much attention to him and he never bothered us for some reason,” said Cori Bush while scratching her head, which made a slight echoing noise. “We just assumed he was a homeless guy or a staffer. Too bad.”

    At publishing time, a local vampire had also checked into the D.C. hospital for malnutrition as he was unable to find any non-lizard blood.”

    Liked by 1 person

  39. D.C. Parents Warn Trick-Or-Treaters To Avoid Big House Where Creepy Old Man Lives
    U.S. · Oct 31, 2023 · BabylonBee.com

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a chilling word of caution fitting for Halloween, D.C. area parents sternly warned their trick-or-treating children to avoid venturing anywhere near a large house on Pennsylvania Avenue where a creepy old man lives.

    “Whatever you do, stay away from that place,” a father said with a hushed quiver in his voice. “There are stories about that house. Horrible stories. An old, scary man lives there. People say he has thin, wispy, white hair. He speaks only in indecipherable groans and mumbles. He is unnaturally drawn to small children. Just…just stay away. Stay away, I tell you!”

    The children listening to the story stood in hushed terror, their eyes widened by the horrifying story. “W-where did he come from?” asked one child dressed as Boba Fett. “Why does he look and act the way he does?”

    “No one is sure where he came from, son,” answered the boy’s mother, solemnly. “Some people say he came from Delaware, which sounds plausible because nothing good comes from Delaware. But as for why he is the way he is…everyone says he’s just mentally disturbed. He’s kept confined in the basement of his own home because everyone is afraid of what he might do if they let him out. No one is safe around that man. If you value your lives…just stay far, far away.”

    At publishing time, the children had reportedly wandered too close to the big house on Pennsylvania Avenue and said they saw only the silhouette of a man stumbling and lumbering awkwardly around the grounds of the house. Before fleeing in terror, the children said the last thing they saw was the terrifying figure tripping and falling while attempting to go up the stairs to the front entrance.”

    Liked by 1 person

  40. Congressman Troy E. Nehls
    @RepTroyNehls
    🚨BREAKING: I’m honored to announce I will be serving as a fact witness for President Trump’s defense in the 14th Amendment removal sham trial in Colorado.

    I was at the doors on January 6, face to face with protestors, and I know firsthand there was NO INSURRECTION.

    This sham trial is clear election interference, and it has no basis in fact. I look forward to providing my eyewitness account of that.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Liked by 1 person

  42. Laura Loomer
    @LauraLoomer
    How many of you knew that @EvanMcMullin
    is on the board of CREW? Additionally, so is US senator @clairecmc
    , and Beth Nolan @bethnolan
    .

    The lawsuit filed in #Colorado to keep President Trump off the ballot in CO in 2024 was originally filed by CREW in early September of this year with the financial backing of a @GeorgeSoros
    funded organization called Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington (CREW).

    CREW is a major partner and recipient of funds from the largest Democrat Party and Progressive Dark Money Operations In The Country.

    CREW has received funding from @georgesoros
    ’s Open Societies Foundation, as well as The Tides Foundation.

    As many of you may remember, @EvanMcMullin
    is the former CIA agent who ran for President against Trump in 2016.

    Beth Nolan was Bill Clinton’s final White House Counsel. Prior to serving as White House Counsel, Nolan worked in other White House and Department of Justice positions.

    It’s pretty evident that CREW is violating its 501c3 status and is acting as a political operation to take down President Trump under the guise of “charity”.

    CREWs entire board consists of anti-Trump operatives, DEEP STATE agents, Clinton associates, and progressive Democrats.

    @GOPoversight
    needs to investigate and crack down on Democrat Money operations like CREW, which should be investigated by the IRS.

    Liked by 1 person

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