You Might Be a Redneck Part 2

Humor 3 Minutes

The tobacco chewers in your family aren’t just men.

You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.

You’ve never paid for a haircut.

You’ve ever hit a deer with your car…on purpose!

You have a hook in your shower to hang your hat on.

You dated your daddy’s current wife in high school.

You stare at a box of orange juice in the morning that said concentrate on it.

You go to a stock car race and don’t need a program.

You’ve ever fed your date French fries in a Denny’s.

You have 5 cars that are immobile and a house that is!

People hear your car a long time before they see it.

Your wife’s job requires her to wear an orange vest.

You’ve ever filled your deer tag on the golf course.

You owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.

You just bought an 8-track player to put in your car.

There are more than five McDonald’s bags in your car.

When you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank!

You’ve ever picked up a woman in a convenience store.

The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.

Jack Daniels makes your list of “most admired people”.

Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.

You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).

You have the local taxidermist’s number on speed dial.

The taillight covers of your car are made of red tape.

Your house doesn’t have curtains, but your truck does.

You grow flowers in an old commode in your front yard.

You use the term `over yonder’ more than once a month.

You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.

You were shooting pool when any of your kids were born.

You prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.

Your family reunion features a chewing tobacco spit-off.

If the fifth grade is referred to as “your senior year,”

Your wife’s best pair of shoes are steel-toed Red Wings.

You roll you hair with soda cans.

You tape phone numbers on the back of your cell phone.

You might be a redneck if your school hands out race tickets for perfect attendance.

Your front porch collapses and kills more than five dogs.

Three quarters of the clothes you own have LOGOS on them.

Your wife’s hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.

It’s easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.

You’ve ever worn shorts to a funeral home.

Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.

Your child’s first words are “Attention K-Mart shoppers!”.

You have to go outside to get something out of the ‘fridge.

There are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.

There has ever been crime-scene tape on your bathroom door.

You can’t take a bath because beer is iced down in your tub.

You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.

Directions to your house include “Turn off the paved road.”

You view the next family reunion as a chance to meet girls.

Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Drive-in Theater.

The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.

After making love you ask your date to roll down the window.

Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.

You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d’oeuvre.

You have a hefty bag where the window of your car should be.

The best way to keep things cold is to leave’em in the shade.

Chiggers are included on your list of top 5 hygiene concerns.

You have spray painted your girlfriend’s name on an overpass.

In tough situations you ask yourself, “What would Curly do?”

You think that safe s** is a padded headboard on the waterbed.

Your idea of a 7-course meal is a bucket of KFC and a six pack.

You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.

Your idea of talking during s** is “Ain’t no cars coming, baby!”

Your dad walks you to school because you’re in the same grade.

If you’re eating duck and it still has a pulse.

You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.

Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.

You have a color coordinating rope that ties down your car hood.

You consider orange peels left on the coffee table as potpourri.

You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.

You’ve ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

You’ve ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.

Your favorite Christmas present, was a painting on black velvet.

Going to the bathroom at night involves shoes and a flashlight.

You’ve been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.

Going to the laundromat means cleaning out the back of the truck.

Published by FJB

Published

157 thoughts on “You Might Be a Redneck Part 2”

      2. Have you ever seen a Great White Pyrenees? They are humongous!!! My sister had one – her kids used to ride her around the house. She was wonderful with them and their friends but very protective around strangers.

        Liked by 1 person

  9. I just had a horrifying text from my daughter in law!
    anything that starts off with “we’re all okay” can never be good.
    my son is at work, she works from home. she just put wood in their fireplace insert (stove) and went back to work when she saw a lot of smoke coming from the living room. the chaise lounge chair and the canvas wood carrier bag i made were on fire! she got it out quickly enough, but the chaise is completely ruined as is the bag.
    and she kept apologizing over and over for ruining the bag…
    i told her i’d make a new one, not to worry about it…but dang!
    my heart was in my throat!
    she is one cool headed young woman…I’d have freaked out!

    Liked by 2 people

  11. gees are they trying to frame someone?
    entire article
    A conference at the Penn Biden Center in June reportedly permitted attendees “unmonitored” access to the facility, where in November classified documents were found in an office Joe Biden maintained.

    The two-day “bootcamp” was held for congressional staffers to promote a working relationship with China on issues such as energy and academia, the Washington Free Beacon reported Tuesday.

    The University of Pennsylvania, which houses the Penn Biden Center, has received millions in anonymous Chinese donations. Since Biden assumed office, UPenn has reportedly received donations worth $52 million from anonymous sources, including from China and Saudi Arabia, raising concerns of compromised national security.

    UPenn’s close ties to China appeared not to cause an increase in facility security for the June event. According to the Beacon, the two-day conference had slack security that permitted congressional staffers and other attendees to wander around the building,

    “There were no posted security officials at the Penn Biden Center during the June conference—just regular Penn staffers—and attendees were able to walk around the center unmonitored and make use of unused rooms for phone calls and other private work during the conference,” the report stated.

    The lack of security at the event raises questions of whether Biden’s classified information at the center was compromised.

    Penn Biden Center’s lack of security comes as the Justice Department and lawmakers are investigating Biden’s classified document scandal, which was first revealed to the public on January 9th through a leak to CBS. The Department of Justice (DOJ) and the White House had known about the scandal for weeks. Biden’s personal attorneys found the documents on November 2, just a few days before the midterm election.

    It’s unclear why Biden’s personal attorneys were initially searching for the classified materials. The White House and DOJ have failed to provide the initial reason or cause for the search.

    The Penn Biden Center has not complied with congressional inquiries into how classified documents were stored at the facility.

    Some of the classified documents that were stored at the center were labeled top secret, the highest classification of classified information. The materials reportedly pertain to Iran, the United Kingdom, and Ukraine, where the Biden family business has conducted many foreign business deals.

    https://www.breitbart.com/politics/2023/01/25/report-penn-biden-center-june-event-allowed-attendees-unmonitored-building-access/

    Like

  12. about the debate participants

    quinn
    quinn
    January 25, 2023 4:55 pm
    Reply to steph_gray

    i Stated that i Thought Caroline Wren was a Lawyer and ALSO a MAJOR DONATION VACUUM – i WAS WRONG –> Wren is NOT a Lawyer
    BUT Wren STATED that HARMEET WILL BE MOVING TO D.C. – Where the RNC HAS BEEN Paying for an Apartment for RONNA…

    CLOSE D.C. and SCATTER the MONEY to the STATES That ARE CRUCIAL TO WINNING, imo

    Liked by 2 people

  14. Sliding down…..what a satisfying day! It started out kind of sucky, with snow flurries that started to show on the highway. It’s really windy and supposed to get worse tonight into tomorrow. I didn’t have to use 4WD until I went to Glen’s and Michael’s. Coming back on the Meadow Grove Road was an entirely different story!!! Wrong move! But I made it fairly easily with the 4WD. There are a lot of big trucks that use that road and it was rutted, with a lot of washboard sections and puddles of water. I was still able to go a steady 40, tho. I took the cement country road for the last half, tho, because that part of the gravel road often sucks anyway, even w/o snow.

    WM was again not too crowded and, thankfully, the outdoor section is back to outdoor stuff. They had bags of cob corn, thankfully, and I picked up another 20 lb bag of bird seed. I figured out what I needed in the hardware section for the suet feeders – I think I’ve got a plan that those bastid squirrels will not be able to defeat!!! I’m using 2 heavy screw eyes – no more hooks – and 2 spring links thru which I will put the end of the chains, then put the links on the screw eyes. I found the chain on the patio – I forgot I had so much of it and was ruminating on a convenient container for it that would keep the end free….then I remembered the grated Parmesan cheese container I had with the hinged lid. Works perfectly!!!! Damn, I’m good! LOL – I knew when I saved it that it would come in handy!

    A lot of shelves empty in WM, especially in the cat food section. The dairy section was fairly well-stocked this time. I had to settle on a small bag of food for Jake – I can always pick up more at Family $ here if I have to. I picked up a bottle of Rumchata for my neighbor – I meant to get a cute Thank You card but I forgot so I’ll just have to use a generic one. Michael and I mostly talked books, specifically the Pendergast series and a family member sent him a NF book about Kit Carson and settling the west. It sounds really interesting.

    I have a SHIT TON of e-mails – 13 right now – and I’ll probably spend hours posting those and reading back. Wanna give me a heads-up of anything really important to look for?

    Liked by 1 person

      1. What fucking cowards!!! Ronna initially declined to even do the debate anyway so, no doubt that was planned. Harmeet shows her true colors more and more every day.

        Huh – I’ve got Brett Bair on (yuck!) and he just said META is lifting their restriction on Trump on InstaGram and Facebook.

        Liked by 1 person

  15. I am adding a short daily prayer to the board. I would invite each of you, if you wish, to also add one or maybe two of your own liking. I do not want to stifle anyone but please limit yourself to one or two religious postings. here’s one I found that I liked.

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