You Might Be a Redneck…

Humor 3 Minutes
Jeff Foxworthy

I found this list the other day, of over 200 of Jeff Foxworthy’s best “You might be a redneck…” jokes and I’d thought I’d share a bunch with you guys. I’m gonna break it up into a few opens here and there…Enjoy!!

 The ASPCA raids your kitchen.

You own a homemade fur coat.

 You have a rag for a gas cap.

 You’ve ever bought a used cap.

 You’ve ever financed a tattoo.

 You prefer car keys to Q-tips.

 You have an Elvis Jell-o mold.

 You have ever used lard in bed.

 You’ve ever stolen toilet paper.

 Fewer than half of your cars run.

 Your brother-in-law is your uncle.

 You own at least 20 baseball hats.

 Every electrical outlet in your house is a fire hazard.

 Birds are attracted to your beard.

 You pick your teeth from a catalog.

 You’ve ever been too drunk to fish.

 You bring your dog to work with you.

 Your kitchen doubles as a bait store.

 You’ve ever given rat traps as gifts.

 You’ve ever used a Weed Eater indoors.

 You have more guns than teeth.

 Your dad is also your favorite uncle.

 Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.

 You’re considered an expert on worm beds.

 You’ve ever parked a Camaro in a tree.

 You burn your yard rather than mow it.

 Your brother-in-law is also your uncle.

 Your other truck is made by John Deere.

 You take a fishing pole into Sea World.

 Your gene pool doesn’t have a “deep end”

 The primary color of your car is Bondo.

 Your family’s No. 1 enemy is revenuers.

 You own more cowboy boots than sneakers.

 You’ve ever barbecued Spam on the grill.

 You ever cut your grass and found a car.

 You clean your fingernails with a stick.

 You think suspenders are a type of shirt.

 You consider “Outdoor Life” deep reading.

 You’ve ever worn a tube top to a wedding.

 You’ve ever raked leaves in your kitchen.

 You wear cowboy boots with Bermuda shorts.

 The Salvation Army declines your mattress.

 You have every episode of Hee-Haw on tape.

 You’ve totaled every car you’ve ever owned.

 You go to a Tupperware party for a haircut.

 Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.

 You’ve ever bathed with flea and tick soap.

 Your family tree doesn’t have any branches.

 Your wife weighs more than your refrigerator.

 You think the French Riviera is foreign car.

 You ever lost a tooth opening a beer bottle.

Your school fight song was “Dueling Banjos”.

 You keep a can of RAID on the kitchen table.

 You consider the fifth grade your senior year.

 Your home has more miles on it than your car.

 Your mother has “ammo” on her Christmas list.

 Your dog and your wallet are both on a chain.

Your dog can’t watch you eat without gagging.

 You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen.

 You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.

 You’ve ever made change in the offering plate.

 Your belt buckle doubles as a serving platter.

 You use lava soap more than three times a day.

 You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.

 Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.

 The main course at potluck dinners is roadkill.

 Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

 You think a Volvo is part of a woman’s anatomy.

 You buy your wife tube socks at the flea market.

 Your kids take a siphon hose to “Show and Tell.”

 There is a stuffed opossum anywhere in your house.

 You own more than 3 shirts with cut off sleeves.

 You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.

 Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

 You think the stock market has a fence around it.

 Your CB antenna is a danger to low-flying planes.

 The Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice.

 You think that Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug.

 You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.

 You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.

 Your boat has not left the drive-way in 15 years.

 You think a turtleneck is key ingredient for soup.

 Your hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.

 Your parakeet knows the phrase “Open up, Police!”.

 You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.

 Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.

 Red man Chewing Tobacco sends you a Christmas card.

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Published by pat frederick

Published

165 thoughts on “You Might Be a Redneck…”

  22. I am adding a short daily prayer to the board. I would invite each of you, if you wish, to also add one or maybe two of your own liking. I do not want to stifle anyone but please limit yourself to one or two religious postings. here’s one I found that I liked.

    Like

  27. This is a copy of a comment to the Q-Tree that I thought might also bless all precious Treepers in Exile! It is a marvel to think that the “experts” thought this son of mine would never walk nor talk, never read nor write. Every day he proclaims Truth is a Triumph in God’s Kingdom!!!

    My son Josiah wrote this post yesterday & really wanted me to share it with the Q-Tree. Blessings to all!

    A Psalm About America
    ON DECEMBER 27, 2022 BY JOSIAHCURREN

    The Glory of America lies slain on your heights O LORD. Our Nation is on its knees. The Leaders of our nation have rejected You O LORD. They curse and mock The LORD our God. The Leaders in our country, lie, cheat, steal. They have stolen our elections, kicked God out of public schools, censored true believers on social media, they have supported abortion, same sex marriage, and have done horrible acts of sin and wickedness against Your Holy Name. My heart is broken before the LORD at what the illegitimate leadership is doing to our Country.

    O America, how long will you reject God? How long will you refuse to humble yourself before the LORD Your God? O America, Hear The Word of the LORD. Do Not mock the LORD and Do Not reject His Holy Word. Repent before the LORD Our God. Sing Praises to His Holy Name.

    O LORD My God, I pray in the name of Jesus that You will Forgive the Sins of this Country. Save the Evil and wicked leaders from their Sins. In the name of Jesus I pray for you to save our Constitutional Republic from Tyranny. Our Nation has turned away from You O LORD. Forgive them O LORD God I pray. Heal our Land O LORD I pray in the name of Jesus.

    My Soul is broken at what America has become O LORD. America is Not what it once was. My heart and soul cries before the LORD at the damage that has been done to our Country. Restore our Republic O God I pray in the name of Jesus. I’m thankful and blessed to have been born in the United States of America, the Greatest Nation on Earth, and the Land of Freedom and Opportunity. Restore our Freedoms O God I pray in the name of Jesus.

    O LORD God of All The Earth, I pray that you will Heal Our Land in the name of Jesus. Restore our Republic O LORD Our God. May The LORD Bless Our Great Nation From Sea To Shining Sea

    https://josiahsfreakshow.wordpress.com/2022/12/27/a-psalm-about-america/

    I really love my son’s heart for the Lord & for our precious nation!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. YW Pat! I didn’t know my comment went through because it didn’t show for me, nor would any of my “likes” except the one for the post. Glad you were blessed by this!

        BTW it was so nice to see you over at the Q-Tree the other day! I was reading things so late so didn’t reply to most comments but was Really Happy to see you there!!! ❤

        Liked by 1 person

        1. thanks! I do read there…I look to see if there anyone I can especially include in my prayers and i always try to pass along good memes from there—everyone needs to laugh!

          Liked by 1 person

  28. This is a copy of a comment to the Q-Tree that I thought might also bless all precious Treepers in Exile! It is a marvel to think that the “experts” thought this son of mine would never walk nor talk, never read nor write. Every day he proclaims Truth is a Triumph in God’s Kingdom!!!

    My son Josiah wrote this post yesterday & really wanted me to share it with the Q-Tree. Blessings to all!

    A Psalm About America
    ON DECEMBER 27, 2022 BY JOSIAHCURREN

    The Glory of America lies slain on your heights O LORD. Our Nation is on its knees. The Leaders of our nation have rejected You O LORD. They curse and mock The LORD our God. The Leaders in our country, lie, cheat, steal. They have stolen our elections, kicked God out of public schools, censored true believers on social media, they have supported abortion, same sex marriage, and have done horrible acts of sin and wickedness against Your Holy Name. My heart is broken before the LORD at what the illegitimate leadership is doing to our Country.

    O America, how long will you reject God? How long will you refuse to humble yourself before the LORD Your God? O America, Hear The Word of the LORD. Do Not mock the LORD and Do Not reject His Holy Word. Repent before the LORD Our God. Sing Praises to His Holy Name.

    O LORD My God, I pray in the name of Jesus that You will Forgive the Sins of this Country. Save the Evil and wicked leaders from their Sins. In the name of Jesus I pray for you to save our Constitutional Republic from Tyranny. Our Nation has turned away from You O LORD. Forgive them O LORD God I pray. Heal our Land O LORD I pray in the name of Jesus.

    My Soul is broken at what America has become O LORD. America is Not what it once was. My heart and soul cries before the LORD at the damage that has been done to our Country. Restore our Republic O God I pray in the name of Jesus. I’m thankful and blessed to have been born in the United States of America, the Greatest Nation on Earth, and the Land of Freedom and Opportunity. Restore our Freedoms O God I pray in the name of Jesus.

    O LORD God of All The Earth, I pray that you will Heal Our Land in the name of Jesus. Restore our Republic O LORD Our God. May The LORD Bless Our Great Nation From Sea To Shining Sea

    https://josiahsfreakshow.wordpress.com/2022/12/27/a-psalm-about-america/

    I really love my son’s heart for the Lord & for our precious nation!

    Like

  29. Missed this great topic yesterday do to a quick trip back home to whether pipes burst in house during last days of hard freeze (no, thankfully) and to see whether my tires were damaged (no, it was just the weather making them lose pressure). Also ran a few errands.

    OK – adding one more to the list:

    You are a red neck if several items in home, yard, wardrobe are cut out of old tires – replacement shoe soles, homemade flip flops, planters for flowers in the yard, hot mats for pots, etc.

    Liked by 1 person

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