The De-Stress Diet

Humor 1 Minute

With the holidays fast approaching, I found an amazing diet designed to help you de-stress…and these days, who couldn’t use that??

Sample Menu

Breakfast

½ grapefruit

1 slice whole wheat toast-dab of butter

8 oz skim milk

Lunch

4 oz lean broiled chicken breast

1 cup steamed spinach

1 cup iced tea (no sugar)

1 Oreo cookie

Mid Afternoon Snack

The rest of the Oreos in the package

2 pints Rocky Road ice cream

Nuts, cherries, whipped cream

1 jar hot fudge sauce

Dinner

2 loaves garlic bread

4 cans lite beer or diet soda

1 large sausage, mushroom and cheese pizza

3 Snickers bars

Evening snack

Sara Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from the freezer)

Rules for this diet:

  1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
  2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy car are canceled out by the diet soda.
  3. When you eat with someone, calories don’t count if you don’t eat more than they do.
  4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast, and, of course, Sara Lee Cheesecake.
  5. If you fatten everyone around you, you will look thinner.
  6. Movie related foods do not add calories because they are part of the entertainment package.  Examples: Milk Duds, Red Hots, Tootsie Rolls and Red Vines
  7. Cookie pieces contain no calories.  The breaking process causes calories to leak out.
  8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of cooking something.
  9. Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. Examples: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and mashed potatoes.
  10. Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.
  11. Anything consumed while standing has no calories.  This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.
  12. Anything consumed from someone else’s plate has no calories since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to his plate.  (We all know calories like to cling!)

REMEMBER: STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS!

Unknown's avatar

Published by pat frederick

Published

136 thoughts on “The De-Stress Diet”

  3. fetterwoman stumbles again…
    FTA
    WATCH: Don Lemon asks John Fetterman about the “biggest cause of inflation” and whether “the Biden administration should be doing more.” Instead of addressing the question, Fetterman bizarrely starts talking about the 2017 Trump tax cuts.

    WATCH: Don Lemon asks John Fetterman about the “biggest cause of inflation” and whether “the Biden administration should be doing more.”

    Instead of addressing the question, Fetterman bizarrely starts talking about the 2017 Trump tax cuts. pic.twitter.com/Wv0w2RDtMx

    — RNC Research (@RNCResearch) November 1, 2022

    Here’s an actual transcript created by an AI that desperately attempted to understand what he was saying:

    No, I, I just do, I I think that it, that simply is also we, this talk about the trillions in, in massive tax, uh, tax, uh, cuts to the corporate, uh, tax, uh, structure as well. True, you know, trillions of dollars that have added to the deficit.

    And, and now they still wanna support those as well. True. I think in terms of being very serious about, uh, addressing inflation is, is making sure that those rates are brought back into a line with what they, they should have been, uh, where they’re able to, uh, fight, uh, the, the, the, the deficit.

    https://thelibertydaily.com/john-fettermans-latest-answer-to-a-softball-inflation-question-is-absolutely-terrifying/

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Every little bit helps….

    EXCERPT: “A study released on Friday founds that abortions in the United States have decreased by approximately six percent since the June Supreme Court Decision in Dobbs v. Jackson’s Women’s Health Organization effectively overturned Roe v. Wade, the 1973 decision that made abortion legal in all 50 states.

    The study, conducted by the pro-abortion group Society of Family Planning, found that “abortions provided by a clinician decreased from 85,020 abortions in April 2022, before the decision, to 79,620 abortions in August 2022.”

    Conducted by #WeCount for the Society of Family Planning, the study seems to confirm what many pro-life activists were hoping for in the aftermath of the fall of Roe v. Wade, i.e., a decrease in the number of abortions nationwide.

    WeCount surveyed all U.S. clinics, private medical offices, hospitals, and virtual-only abortion providers. It looked at data from April of 2022 (before the decision) compared to post Dobbs numbers from August to come up with the numbers.

    “This change represents a decrease of 6% in the number of abortions nationally, comparing April and August 2022,” according to the report. “Since the Dobbs decision, there were 5,270 fewer abortions in July and 5,400 fewer in August, for a cumulative total of 10,670 fewer people who had abortions in those months.”

    In 13 states — Alabama, Arkansas, Idaho, Kentucky, Louisiana, Missouri, Mississippi, Oklahoma, Tennessee, Texas, South Dakota, West Virginia, and Wisconsin — an outright ban on most abortions was triggered once Roe v. Wade was overturned. In Georgia, a law banning abortions after six weeks of gestation was triggered, with other states having placed restrictions on abortions after 15, 18, or 20 weeks.”

    https://thenewamerican.com/report-u-s-abortions-have-decreased-by-six-percent-since-end-of-roe-v-wade/

    Liked by 1 person

  5. LOSER

    Liked by 1 person

  7. EXCERPT (very long article): “Dissecting the Deceptive Plea for COVID-19 Amnesty”
    A Midwestern Doctor
    15 hr ago

    “One of the challenges I find with most forms of media is that the creators of it are continually seeking to manipulate you into adopting their position. For this reason, I greatly prefer written content as opposed to audio or visual content as it is much easier for me to rapidly filter out the manipulative rhetoric built into what I am reading. Similarly, this is why, to the best of my ability, I try to avoid inserting manipulative language into my writing (as best as I can I try to follow the Golden Rule and not to do things to other people I don’t like having done to me).

    Recently an article began circulating stating that the pandemic pushers deserved amnesty for their actions over the last two years. This article was repeatedly shared in our community as a way of politely saying “How About No” to the author, and to illustrate that enough consequences from the vaccine are starting to emerge that the government has realized they may need to pivot to a new approach (which suggests additional issues from the vaccines will emerge in the future). From having thought this article over, my best guess is that this article was primarily targeted at assuaging the guilt of the left leaning voters who trusted their leaders on these vaccines and are not the most motivated to vote for them in the midterms (as the polling data presently indicates a landslide for the Republican party).

    When I read through this article, I realize the author highlighted a very common problem I observe in human interactions (which I will admit I have also been guilty of). The author is demanding to receive forgiveness for their conduct, but in their apology, is refusing to admit they did anything wrong. In order to accomplish this, they utilized a variety of manipulative rhetorical constructs that are relatively simple and frequently utilized.

    Because it is so common to encounter propaganda pieces like this, I thought there might be some value in illustrating my thought process as I read this article. I tried to not make this be too sophisticated so that it accurately portrayed what jumped out at me when I first read the article. Additionally, there are a few pieces of information I consider to be quite important to know in my commentary and many more in the comments.

    In reading this analysis, it is important to remember that many people make their decisions based on what their peers or the media tells them to do (which is likely the audience this article was written for) rather than being self directed and using critical thinking to discern which decision makes the most sense to them. As a result, we almost certainly interpreted this article dramatically differently from its intended audience which is receptive to this style of persuasion.”

    https://amidwesterndoctor.substack.com/p/dissecting-the-deceptive-plea-for

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I am adding a short daily prayer to the board. I would invite each of you, if you wish, to also add one or maybe two of your own liking. I do not want to stifle anyone but please limit yourself to one or two religious postings. here’s one I found that I liked.

    Like

Comments are closed.