National Tell-A-Joke Day

Humor 2 Minutes

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. “Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.” The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.” The Chicago contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, “$2,700.” The official, incredulous, says, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?” The Chicago contractor whispers back, “$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence.” “Done!” replies the government official. And that, my friends, is how the new stimulus plan will work.

On his deathbed, a lifelong Republican supporter suddenly announced that he was switching to the Democrats. “I can’t believe you’re doing this.” said his friend. “For your entire life you’re been a staunch Republican. Why would you want to become a Democrat now?” “Because I’d rather it was one of them that dies than one of us.”

A thief stuck a pistol in a man’s ribs and said, “Give me your money.” The gentleman, shocked by the sudden attack, said “You cannot do this, I’m a United States congressman!” The thief said, “In that case, give me my money!”

A bus full of politicians was moving along the country road. Then it crashed into the tree and overturned. Blood and glass were everywhere. A middle-aged farmer working on the field nearby saw the accident and decided to help: he dug a huge hole and buried all the politicians who were still alive. He thought he did his country a good service.

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100? A: Your Honor.

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? A: Senator.

The two U.S. cities with the highest alcohol consumption are Las Vegas and Washington, DC. The difference between the two is that in Washington the drunks are gambling with our money.

Terrorists have hijacked a plane filled with politicians…They say they will release one politician per hour if their demands aren’t met.

Three burglars break into a building and are confronted by a soldier, a cop, and a politician. The politician tells the soldier to kill Burglar #1, and the two stab each other to death.
The politician then tells the cop to arrest Burglar #2, and the two beat each other unconscious.
The politician then walks up to Burglar #3 and says “I just saved your life, your freedom, and tripled your share of the loot. I think 20% is a fair cut.”

“Politics” is derived from the words “poly” meaning “many”, and “tics” meaning “blood-sucking parasites.” – first said by Larry Hardiman.

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Published by pat frederick

Published

101 thoughts on “National Tell-A-Joke Day”

    1. Good morning! Still cool and humid here – can’t tell for sure – still too dark – but looks like another cloudy day. We got some wonderful rain yesterday – off and on well into the afternoon.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. first comment I make in the morning, I have to enter my email and then I click on the little w tot he right to login using wordpress. this little box hovers above it generally and disappears when i click on the w. today the black message box is solid and i can’t click w. i can click n twitter or facebook which i don’t want to use…
        so I tried enterring my info–it takes me to the login screen, i enter my password, “remember me” and LOGIN…
        THAT should do for and i remain logged in…this time it’s not working at all…

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Hmmm…..When I open my browser, 4 tabs open automatically: M’s, WP Log-in screen, our blog, and gmail. Once I log in thru the WP log-in, I close that window. Then I can click on “My Sites” on both and get to the admin screen.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. i normally open 2 wp for our site…the my sites one where i can see the comments and replies and monitor the bin and then i “visit” our site. when i click on the “visit site” link, thats when it all falls apart…

            Liked by 1 person

            1. Are you on W10 on your laptop? What browser do you use? I use Brave/W10 (updates turned off). Once I close the log-in screen, I go to our blog and click on My Sites, then leave that tab open, open a new tab and enter our blog – those 2 tabs remain open all day. Same process at M’s. Gmail tab also stays open all day. Then I visit various other sites in yet another tab.

              Liked by 1 person

  7. i have to enter my email and password for each reply no matter how i sign in…i can’t access the w on the right because when i go to click on it, the black message box appears and won’t move

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Entire Article: “Why do Democrats continue to insist that election fraud does not exist — and that such “baseless claims” have been “debunked” — when prominent Democrats insisted that election fraud does exist and it’s a very big problem in 2017 and 2108 and 2019 and 2020? Did they all suffer from simultaneous amnesia about the hearings they held, the expert witnesses they gathered, and the interviews they gave for the documentary “Kill Chain: The Cyber War on America’s Elections” on HBO?

    Thank you Kamala Harris! Thank you Amy Klobuchar! Thank you Ron Wyden! Thank you Mark Warner! Thank you Stacey Abrams! Thank you, HBO! Thank you, New York Times! Thank you, NBC News! Thank you, Atlanta Journal-Constitution! Thank you, CNN! Thank you, PBS!

    I published an excerpt from the new book The Parallel Election in which the co-author Gregory Stenstrom provides a riveting first-hand account of how the 2020 election was stolen in Delaware County, Pennsylvania by a cabal of Democrat activists and establishment GOP politicians. Stenstrom was a certified poll watcher for 36 precincts in Pennsylvania during the 2020 election — and so he personally witnessed the cheating take place.

    https://emeralddb3.substack.com/p/exclusive-how-the-2020-election-was

    The election integrity group VoterGA has produced a new video on Georgia’s 2020 election, and the video shows obvious and massive voter fraud. This is one of the best videos that I’ve ever seen on how our elections are corrupted by using electronic voting machines. It covers the deceptive practices used in the election night vote, and the “risk-limiting” audit, and the machine recount.

    https://emeralddb3.substack.com/p/voterga-uncovers-massive-election

    Why has a federal judge in Georgia refused to release a report by a cybersecurity expert who inspected Dominion voting machines and found them vulnerable to hacking and manipulation? Why is Judge Amy Totenberg opposed to the public release of J. Alex Halderman’s special report regarding the vulnerability of electronic voting machines?

    https://emeralddb3.substack.com/p/the-federal-government-admits-voting

    Why has an 84-page SEB complaint been filed in Fulton County (GA) showing that the vote tally for the 2020 election (as recorded in November 2020) and Fulton County’s vote tally for the recount (as conducted and certified in December) still do not match?

    https://emeralddb3.substack.com/p/exclusive-fulton-county-still-cant

    How’s it possible that the director of Mark Zuckerberg’s private election charity for Democrats (on temporary leave!) just won the most important election integrity race in Colorado — and a GOP primary no less! — as a write-in candidate by a 15 point margin with no money and no visible support from Republicans in Colorado? Even though she was trailing by 20 points the day before the election? It sounds impossible — because it is impossible.

    https://emeralddb3.substack.com/p/how-did-a-zuckerberg-charity-stooge

    Why did Fulton County’s IT Director — and ex-Dominion Voting Systems employee and Nigerian citizen! — Dominic Olomo keep calling emergency meetings with Fulton County election officials to certify results that nobody else had seen?

    https://emeralddb3.substack.com/p/exclusive-fulton-county-gets-busted

    Why did a local newspaper in Georgia called Decaturish report on the results of a hand count in a District 2 County Commission primary race in DeKalb County between Democrats — and that the hand count revealed such massive discrepancies between the May 24th machine results and the June 1 hand count that it flipped the race?

    https://emeralddb3.substack.com/p/bombshell-georgia-election-fraud

    The corporate media’s absurd position in 2022: it’s a conspiracy theory to say that America’s voting machines can be hacked, and if you insist on doing audits you’re crazy, but it turns out that Dominion Voting Systems machines are completely vulnerable to hacking once you allow the experts to review them by filing lawsuits because the federal government itself just admitted in a cybersecurity bulletin to state election officials that the machines can be hacked!

    https://emeralddb3.substack.com/p/the-federal-government-admits-voting

    https://emeralddb3.substack.com/p/theres-so-much-election-fraud-evidence

    Liked by 1 person

  10. interesting exchange in tcth…if REALPOTUS hasn’t been back to Mar-a-lago since the riad, how did he know they took his passports?

    Charlotte99
    August 16, 2022 1:13 am

    Update: DOJ Says Passports Belonging to Trump Seized by FBI in Mar-a-Lago Raid Have Been Returned

    https://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2022/08/update-doj-says-passports-belonging-trump-seized-fbi-mar-lago-raid-returned/
    7
    Reply
    Jenevive
    Jenevive
    August 16, 2022 6:07 am
    Reply to Charlotte99

    They must know for certain that POTUS was watching them on CCTV , since
    he hasn;t been back to MAL since the raid how would he know they took his
    passports and other things like his private paper if he wasn;t watching.
    Otherwise they would have be yelling he is lying and distracting etc. We don;t
    have them but they pretty much gave in without any argument..
    2
    Reply
    AnAppeal2Heaven
    AnAppeal2Heaven
    August 16, 2022 7:35 am
    Reply to Jenevive

    Very clever observation. How would he know that? You must be correct.

    Like

  11. from tcth..truth social

    Citizen817
    August 16, 2022 2:28 am

    @realDonaldTrump

    ·
    2h
    There is no way to justify the unannounced RAID of Mar-a-Lago, the home of the 45th President of the United States (who got more votes, by far, than any sitting President in the history of our Country!), by a very large number of gun toting FBI Agents, and the Department of “Justice” but, in the interest of TRANSPARENCY, I call for the immediate release of the completely Unredacted Affidavit pertaining to this horrible and shocking BREAK-IN. Also, the Judge on this case should recuse!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes, I was just reading that and looking at the part in her hair – agree about the hands but it doesn’t look like her forehead to me. S’s comment makes sense as well. My guess is that it’s not her.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. wsb mentioned that she got out on the “street” side–why would ss allow that? and there is a residence entrance on the side of trump tower that is more secure and remote–she is going in the business entrance.
          so what’s the message–we know she loves messaging.

          Liked by 1 person

      2. I think GA is correct – enlarge this photo – those are NOT Melania’s eyes! And what Coothie said has merit – about DJT sending M and B off to a safe place, in case there might happen to be an arrest……which would explain the very public entrance maybe?

        Liked by 2 people

  13. Well, I haven’t wanted to put it into words but Tonawanda did it quite well, IMO!

    Tonawanda
    TonawandaOnline
    Wolverine
    August 16, 2022 08:57

    The President’s safety is our most vital concern. IMO there is no possible way his continued existence can be permitted by Cabal. The next priority is shutting down the election, and the two may be related. No way can the Democrats be humiliated in November, the message would be too sharp and definitive.

    The dilemma is what we can do. I would get in my car and drive anywhere, but where, and to do what, I do not know. That remains to be seen.

    And we have already been pre-labelled so that by definition we will be severely punished on an ad hoc basis. IOW, any negative reaction will be considered a “dire” unlawful one.

    The raid showed how easily the secret service can be shunted aside, and their loyalty is questionable anyway.

    Taking the President’s passports, in my mind, was a specific message.

    We must remain strong, keep our anger cold, and expect the worst.”

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I can’t believe this – I actually had to turn my heat back on! It was only 68 inside, still only 65 outside! Still completely cloudy as well but no rain today yet.
    —————–
    EXCERPTS: “The Army transferred some of its satellite operations to the Space Force on Monday, marking the latest move to reorganize and grow the youngest military branch.

    In addition to control of the communication satellites, 500 people will transfer from the Army’s Space and Missile Defense Command, based in Huntsville, Alabama, to Schriever Space Force Base in Colorado as part of the expansion.

    “This historic transfer from the Army to the Space Force will mark the first time all Department of Defense military satellite communication functions have been consolidated under a single military service,” the Space Force wrote in a press release.  
    —————
    In June, the Naval Satellite Operations Center — NAVSOC — at Naval Base Ventura County in Mugu, California, was placed under the Space Force’s Space Delta 8 and designated as the new 10th Space Operations Squadron.

    Many of the Army and Navy transfers were supposed to happen at the beginning of this year, but they were pushed off by Congress’ delay in passing last year’s budget.

    In total, 15 units with 600 people from the Army and Navy combined are set to be transferred to the Space Force throughout this year.”

    https://www.military.com/daily-news/2022/08/15/space-force-takes-over-all-military-satellite-communications.html

    Liked by 1 person

    1. this is really annoying!!!
      I have been searching wp and no one has reported a problem like this…smh
      anyway…
      we are screwed with on a constant basis

      Liked by 1 person

  15. OK, Primaries today – Alaska – Murkowski against 18 contenders, w/Kelly Tshibaka favored, endorsed by DJT. Cheney in WY against DJT-endorsed Hageman – polling leaning Hageman’s way.

    Of the 10 GOP House members who voted to impeach DJT, only 2 have continued on with slim wins in WA and CA, leaving only Cheney remaining of that group.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Without being aware of the level of cheating, I haven’t a clue. From what is visible, I’d say there is an excellent chance of them both getting beat. But that might be a tad optimistic.

        Liked by 1 person

  16. Another very skeptical view of the future…..but one I truly believe we should, at a minimum, prepare ourselves for….on another note: Fox just announced that the “First Lady (of Tablecloths!)” has tested positive for COVID and will remain in SC.

    EXCERPT: “A few days after federal agents stormed Donald Trump’s castle in Palm Beach last week, Judge Beryl Howell berated a man from Georgia for his involvement in the Capitol protest on January 6, 2021.
    —————-
    This is the legal and judicial circle of hell now fired up to come for President Trump—a vengeful Justice Department run by Obama loyalists working with a weaponized FBI to bring criminal charges against hundreds of Trump supporters who then face the wrath of enraged judges of both political parties. There is no way out.

    And at this point, there’s no way out for Merrick Garland, either. Democrats have raised expectations that Trump soon will be in handcuffs; failure to do so will result in a harsh backlash by their own voters this fall. After six years of promises, Democrats better deliver the goods on Trump or face intra-party revolt.

    Americans should prepare for the inevitable—the unprecedented sight of a former president pleading not guilty to crimes he is alleged to have committed by a Justice Department run by his successor and potential rival in the next presidential election.

    One can only imagine the big smile on Beryl Howell’s face.”

    https://amgreatness.com/2022/08/15/its-inevitable-trump-will-be-indicted/

    Liked by 1 person

  17. gees! I thought i had this figured out…lol…
    it allowed me to like the open…but my info is still missing from the reply/comment box…
    dang!

    Liked by 1 person

  18. is this a trap? hope he sends a lawyer to pick them up. gangland himself should have to HAND deluver them to mar-a-lago
    FTA
    Late Monday, Trump spokesman Taylor Budowich tweeted a screenshot of an email from a member of the Justice Department’s National Security Division that acknowledged the bureau removed the 45th president’s travel documents from Mar-a-Lago.

    “We have learned that the filter agents seized three passports belonging to President Trump, two expired and one being his active diplomatic passport,” the email said.

    The email added that the agency was “returning” Trump’s passports and that they would be ready for pickup by 2 p.m. Monday.

    https://nypost.com/2022/08/16/doj-admits-trump-passports-were-taken-after-c

    Liked by 1 person

              1. Like

        1. I have shut everything done twice so far…
          cleared history, cache, cookies…no impact whatsoever.
          I’ve even tried sneaking up on the W icon…LOL…no matter how quick i try to be, that damn message appears and blocks the W…I can still see the twitter bird–and i clicked on that–it started the process to connect with twitter (but i don’t have an acct) same thing with fb…it started the process, but i shut that down too…W is right UNDER the damned message…sigh…

          Liked by 1 person

  22. copied from tcth

    Peoria Jones
    August 16, 2022 10:22 am

    Doctor Jill now has Chyna Flu. Conveniently, she can pull that blue dress up a bit higher and use it as a mask.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. not entirely…lol.
        from my homepage in wp. I click on sew colorful and it takes me to a smaller version the blog. but if i click visit site in the upper right corner…I am back to the beginning where nothing works. if i stay on the smaller version, it’s a limited view i have to refresh a lot, but the comment thing works…weird, right?

        Liked by 1 person

          1. even though when i post a comment on the site that doesn’t “recognize” my being logged in, and i manually log in…I click remember me, i log into wordpress again…and then at the site it forgets me…smh

            Liked by 1 person

  24. wondering…what IF…bear with me here…one of the last remaining decent fib agents grabbed the passports KNOWING they were outside the search warrant…knowing it would trigger grounds for everything retrieved to be thrown out? fruit of the poisonous tree and all?
    or just gave the defense a good shot at appeal???

    Liked by 1 person

  25. copied from tcth…eric trump says they have the surveillance tapes and will release them when they want to…saying plainly, the fib searched areas not permitted by warrant…
    of course swallowmore says if you’re innocent release the tapes. POTUS has already released the warrant, gangland’s turn to release the affidavit!

    ClivusMultrum
    ClivusMultrum
    August 16, 2022 11:39 am
    Reply to kinthenorthwest

    Eric Trump . . . “said the cameras at the Florida residence captured the agents raiding areas they were not authorized to.”
    

    Story also includes this tweet from Swalwell, who is without a doubt, one of the dumbest people on planet.

    If Donald Trump is innocent he will share the surveillance tape. If he is guilty he will not. https://t.co/vLdCKDmeiy

    — Rep. Eric Swalwell (@RepSwalwell) August 16, 2022

    Liked by 1 person

    1. While I’m thinking about it….since Peter brought up the subject in the article….all of this outrage about the murder of the Saudi journalist Jamal Kashoggi…..I’ll bet if one looks closely enough, Kashoggi was just as corrupt as bin Salman and was probably spying for someone!!! Why make such a huge deal about it? He was a Saudi citizen – sucks but leave it to the Saudis, IMO.

      Liked by 1 person

  31. One of my back-up Vinca plants is flowering, the sickly red Clematis is showing a LOT of new growth, and it looks like I’ve got a pair of Red-headed WPs – I need to get another suet feeder…….we’re on the line between year-round WPs and those who migrate. Maybe I can keep them here all winter….that would be cool!

    Liked by 1 person

  34. Fury as Minneapolis teachers’ union negotiates clause requiring WHITE educators to be laid off first regardless of seniority to make up for ‘past discriminations’: Rule is part of contract that ended two-week strike this past March
    The stipulation is part of a new agreement starting in spring 2023 between the Minneapolis Federation of Teachers and Minneapolis Public Schools
    Part of the agreement was an attempt to re-format how the school district hires and keeps teachers of color
    The new contract says that they may go outside the order to avoid layoffs to a teacher who is ‘a member of a population underrepresented’
    This prioritizing may apply to bring back teachers who were laid off should re-hires occur

    https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-11114637/Fury-Minneapolis-teachers-union-says-WHITE-teachers-laid-regardless-seniority.html#comments

    So sick of this bs

    Liked by 2 people

  39. I am adding a short daily prayer to the board. I would invite each of you, if you wish, to also add one or maybe two of your own liking. I do not want to stifle anyone but please limit yourself to one or two religious postings. here’s one I found that I liked.

    Like

    1. Be sure to check back – just took a pic of a woodpecker and a ground squirrel near each other eating seed on my sidewalk in back. I had to hit the zoom real quick and take it thru the screen door so the clarity isn’t the greatest.

      Liked by 1 person

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