31 Squared

Uncategorized 4 Minutes

Thirty one years ago, when I was 31 myself, I married the most wonderful man! We had a whirlwind courtship, engaged after just 10 weeks. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

They say true romance never runs smooth, and they are right! The night of the proposal, I had an evening college class. My future husband dropped by just after supper and asked if he could talk with me on the porch. I went out and he said he needed to use the bathroom and would be right out. When he finally came out, he looked really nervous. He began by saying how different we were, how we came at life from different perspectives, and how we were pretty set in our ways.

I was sure he was breaking up with me and began to cry. I told him I needed to get to class and we could break up AFTER my class. He grabbed my arm and whirled me around and said, I want to marry you! I just asked your Dad and he gave me his blessing. Say yes!

UMMMMMM…WHAT???????

I did say yes, and we started to plan a June wedding…we had only met in July, and here we were planning to be married in June! I was beyond happy! But I was also in my final year of college–working full time and raising my son alone. I was BUSY! When I first began evening college, I promised my son I would take him to Florida after I graduated–a promise he reminded me of constantly. And a promise is a promise!

By the time May rolled around, the wedding details were finalized, the vacation I promised my son was booked and I had made significant progress on my wedding gown (did I forget to mention I was also making my own gown? LOL) and I was studying for finals.

I thought I was going to pull this all off! I took my finals…aced them all! I graduated suma cum laude and a Phi Beta Kappa. (One thing crossed off my to-do list!) The day after graduation, my son and I departed for Florida. We spent a fun week in Florida–seeing Disney World, Sea World and everything else on his little list. (Second thing crossed off my list!)

Thankfully this was NOT on his list…lol

The week after we got home from vacation, disaster struck. I got pneumonia. I continued to work and stress about the wedding details, but put finishing the dress on hold. I just didn’t have the strength. At this point, my future husband’s ex-wife decided she HAD to meet me, approve of me and decide whether or not I would be an “appropriate” addition to her daughter’s life. She was met with staunch silence. She then threatened to take my future husband to family court to change the custody agreement if he didn’t agree and he said have your lawyer call mine. After she made that phonecall and found there was nothing she could do to compel me to meet with her, she threatened to come to the church and ruin the wedding. Hubby enlisted additional family members to stand watch at the church and remove her if she showed up.

When our wedding day arrived, the gown was ready, the “guards” were ready and the day was HOT. The bridal cars were being decorated in my family’s driveway, when a limo pulled up. One of my hubby’s groomsmen worked at a rental place, and as a surprise, rented us the limo. Although it was a nice gesture, he had to be the one to drive it–which displaced the entire bridal procession. My brother who was to drive us in my Dad’s new car now had no job. And the bridesmaid who was supposed to be in the same car as the limo bringing groomsman had no one to ride in the car with her. Sigh…but we rolled on anyway.

The wedding itself went off without a hitch…the ex never showed her face. Afterwards we went to the Rose Gardens to take pictures before the reception. After enduring a half hour in the hot June sun posing among the flowers, I was looking forward to an air conditioned ride to the reception hall. The heat in the limo was stifling–and hubby asked the driver to blast the air conditioning in the back. He said…I AM. sigh…the air conditioning was NOT working in the back. I passed out.

I awoke to a large glass of water being thrown (yes, you read that correctly–THROWN) in my face. They drove to my parents’ house, got a large glass of water and threw it in my face. My hair, my make up and my dress were soaked. When I opened my eyes, my hubby and the driver looked pleased with themselves that they got me awake. I was livid. I wanted to go into the house and fix my hair and my make up and try to dry my dress…I was told there wasn’t time. The guests were waiting for us at the reception hall.

I managed to fix my face a little and off we went to the reception. As the bridal party entered the hall, the dj announced their names flawlessly. When he got to ours, he said…please welcome, for the first time…Mr. (hubby) and Patrick Frederick. Sigh…

Happy Anniversary Honey!!!

Published by FJB

Published

245 thoughts on “31 Squared”

  1. where in the world do these fols get $10,000 each for the trip? truck driver tried to pass himself off as a migrant

    FTA
    The semi-truck driver who transported up to 100 migrants across the southern border before leaving them to die in the sweltering Texas heat tried to disguise himself as a victim of the tragedy.

    Surveillance cameras captured Homero Zamorano, 45, driving the rig across the border hours before he allegedly abandoned it on a road in the outskirts of San Antonio.

    Police say Zamorano, of Houston, was ‘very high on meth’ at the time of his arrest and tried to pose as ‘an irregular immigrant to avoid being detained.’

    Mexican nationals Juan Francisco D’Luna-Bilbao and Juan Claudio D’Luna-Mendez were also taken into custody at a home in San Antonio. They were charged in federal court Tuesday with possessing firearms while residing in the US illegally.

    The incident, which left 51 dead, marks the deadliest human smuggling attempt in American history. Officials have identified 34 of the deceased, which included four Hondurans and two Guatemalan sisters.

    Police say the smugglers treated the migrants ‘worse than animals’ throughout the voyage, leaving them no water or visible means of air-conditioning. Several survivors are in critical condition after suffering brain damage and internal bleeding.

    Investigators suspect the migrants paid the smugglers around $10,000 for safe passage to the US.

    https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10964907/Driver-Texas-migrant-truck-45-high-meth-arrested-field.html

    Liked by 2 people

  2. phoenix? heads up! Breyer announces he’s retiring tomorrow–after they issue the last opinions of the season. so we won’t have to wait till Friday
    FTA
    Supreme Court Justice Stephen Breyer has announced that he will step down from the high court effective Thursday at noon.

    Breyer, who notified President Biden in January of his intent to retire at the end of the current term, updated the president in a letter Wednesday, after the Supreme Court made it known that it will issue its final opinions of the term Thursday morning.

    “The Court has announced that tomorrow, beginning at 10 a.m., it will hand down all remaining opinions ready during this Term. Accordingly, my retirement from active service under the provisions of 28 U.S.C. § 371(b) will be effective on Thursday, June 30, 2022, at noon,” Breyer wrote.

    https://www.foxnews.com/politics/supreme-court-justice-stephen-breyer-retire-thursday-my-great-honor

    Liked by 1 person

  3. so the OSC determines The Energy Secretary Granholm violated the Hatch Act–but no action is necessary—
    FTA

    During the interview, Granholm remarked that it was “good news” voters gave Democrats majority control of the House and Senate in 2020

    “OSC has concluded that Secretary Granholm engaged in political activity when she gave this response promoting the electoral success of the Democratic Party,” Erica Hamrick, the deputy chief of the OSC’s Hatch Act Unit, wrote to FACT.

    “While she then attempted to backpedal by stating that she was using ‘Democrats as a substitute’ for certain policies, at bottom she told listeners that they needed to vote for Democrats so that more Democrats would be elected to pass the legislation they wanted,” Hamrick continued. “Her attempt to backpedal does not change the meaning of her words or undo the fact that she was talking about the Democratic Party throughout her statement.”

    Hamrick added that the OSC determined Granholm ultimately “engaged in activity directed at the success of the Democratic Party” and, therefore, violated the Hatch Act’s use of official authority prohibition. The 1939 law restricts how much federal employees can participate in partisan political activity.

    However, the OSC determined that disciplinary action wasn’t necessary in response to Granholm’s violation. Hamrick noted that Granholm hadn’t received “significant” training on the Hatch Act prior to the October interview, but that it would still send a warning letter to the energy secretary saying further violations could result in action.

    https://www.foxnews.com/politics/special-counsel-biden-energy-secretary-violated-hatch-act

    Liked by 1 person

  6. recent q drop…believe it or not “he’s” back… (Disclaimer: I do not knwo if q is real or not…it may be the world’s best troll, i dunno. so i am presenting it and future drops like i do memes. enjoy them or scroll by. choice is always yours.)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. i will say this. IF she was a plant, it was brilliant. the “committee” thought they had a home run–stop the presses, we got him now” kind of thing. and for her to turn out to be a hysterical hearsay provider is hilarious.
      and the committee has egg on it’s face for all the world to see.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. IDK if Q is real or not and, at this point, does it really matter? It served a purpose – a very important purpose – and nobody can deny that. Just the exposure alone was worth it….

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Drive by Ground Report, as we’re about to head Up North for the holiday weekend….

    Yesterday Josiah & I were back at the University of Michigan Hospital system for a regular Liver Transplant clinic visit. As you may know we’ve been going there for more than 2 1/2 decades so have long experience with hospital norms.

    They continue to exert the mask fiction, including an expanded series of questions at the limited entrances (they literally shut off access to some elevators so you have to know your way around when attempting to reach certain sections of the hospital). Most of these “covid questions” are pretty similar to what they would typically ask in a normal cold/flu season where they would require a mask back in the day if one was ill (or perhaps exposed).

    Josiah was very agitated at the entrance & stormed past without answering the questions but I did it for him so we could get our “approved to enter” stickers. The person asking the Q’s handed me 2 masks & didn’t make a big deal of J breaking through into the “safe zone”. I NEVER ONCE put on that mask!

    I’d been planning on the drive what I’d write on the mask if they Forced me to wear it, as has happened previously even using a security guard to amp up the pressure. Some possible free speech statements were: “covid commie compliant” “mind control device” “deception & control mechanism”…fortunately none was necessary.

    The only place I was challenged to put a mask on was in the pharmacy but when I claimed a “medical exemption” she left me alone. J was hit or miss w/ the mask, his choice, & no one said anything to him about it!

    The person who took vitals, nurse or physician’s assistant?, was acting like her thinking & communication processes were rather slowed & garbled. It struck me like she had perhaps some sustained oxygen deprivation injury…

    When driving home J observed that there were NO Planes visible surrounding Detroit’s Metro Airport. Usually we see roughly a dozen in the air, both coming & going, in the time it takes to drive past. J also looked at the sky & remarked about the lack of clouds, like post 9-11 when planes were grounded. Hours later he mentioned that he’d finally heard a plane (we’re often in one of the flight patterns) but not like usual when he frequently hears them.

    Gas was hovering around $5.00/gallon, roughly +/- $0.15-$0.20, perhaps down Slightly.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Update on the family:

    Our granddaughter Lilah came home from the hospital on Monday! We’ve been able to spend small amounts of time there a bit each day, such a treat. We are very blessed! Our son is taking family leave until July 11 so they are tag-teaming her care. Both son & daughter-in-law are getting increasing hours of sleep finally–our DIL only got 10 hours of sleep over 5 nights in the hospital–yikes.

    Lilah is darling & precious. We spent some brief time there today when my parents were both finally able to visit. Mom stopped by the other day but Dad wasn’t feeling well so he missed that first visit. They are also to be heading to their Cottage today or tomorrow.

    My niece Ashley is having challenges with her health that put her back in the hospital with elevated BP, migraine, & vomiting. Her hubby had to get baby Easton, who is doing pretty well now, home from the hospital solo. I still have no news on A’s grandma Marilyn who was rushed to the hospital while A was in labor. Please keep praying for them!

    The new parents are not planning to head North this weekend but to visit her sister on the Western part of the state. Our other kids, but not our son-in-law who is cramming for his teaching certificate exams, are coming North for the weekend. We are thankful for this brief respite before hubby begins his new job on July 5th.

    Thank you so much for keeping my family in your prayers as we’ve been facing a number of challenging situations. God has been so good to sustain us through so many upheavals. God Bless YOU All & have a wonderful Independence Day celebration! ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  12. “In this hilarious clip going viral, a horse plays dead in order to get out of being ridden. The video is sure to make you laugh, and it shows that this horse may have a future in acting!

    Throughout time, horses have helped humans in numerous ways, and they continue to do so today. From pulling plows and other agricultural needs, to being used as transportation such as pulling a buggy, they have been an asset in so many ways. But some horse’s work ethic, just like humans, can differ.

    That case can be said for the horse Jingang. What a fun-loving, playful horse he is! Whenever it appears like someone might start riding him, he stubbornly refuses and plays dead. And he goes all out! He collapses on the floor, spews his limbs out, and even sticks out his tongue from time to time. It is definitely a comical sight to see!

    “It’s cute but naughty,” says Jingang’s owner. “Quit it and get up now!” he tells the horse as he’s lying on the ground and not cooperating. Jingang has kept up this playing dead act for a while, as you can see through the many instances that are shown in the video. People find it absolutely hysterical, and the clip has been viewed over 25 million times on Facebook. It has also been shared over 600,000 times.

    Thanks to his playful antics and stubborn personality, Jingang has brought smiles and laughs to many people. God bless that silly horse!

    WATCH: Horse Plays Dead In Hillarious Video”

    https://www.air.tv/watch?v=0dNc2VfXTimwMMdw8dmVMA

    Liked by 2 people

  14. saw this at tcth…gutsy, common sense approach

    Troublemaker10
    June 29, 2022 3:15 pm

    “Kinney Co. Sheriff’s Office is taking matters into its own hands—Sending undocumented individuals back to Mexico.”

    Read more:

    This is what Greg Abbott and Doug Ducey should be doing. It’s perfectly legal under the Constitution and exactly what needs to be done to stop the invasion at our border. https://t.co/aEwDjvIwDj

    — Citizens for Renewing America (@amrenewcitizen) June 29, 2022

    Liked by 2 people

  16. i confess to not knowing the details, but whoever this is…r kelly? gets 30 years in prison for racketeering and sex trafficking…and maxwell gets 20?

    The verdict is in: R. Kelly has been sentenced to 30 years. https://t.co/SAYsyGvPL2
    — US Attorney EDNY (@EDNYnews) June 29, 2022

    Liked by 1 person

          1. yeah…but didn’t kelly? he traveled as a rapper, right?
            i saw a laughable headline that prosecutors are going after prince andrew next, now that maxwell is sentenced…LOL

            Liked by 1 person

              2. her father WAS MOSSAD …

                In late 40s started the campaign to honeytrap, film then blackmail American politicians, then moved on across the globe…

                Liked by 2 people

  19. bringing this from Marica’s

    Marica
    June 29, 2022 at 4:11 pm

    Lisa Mei

    [Forwarded from Red.Pill.Pharmacist]
    [ Photo ]
    🚨 BREAKING: Supreme Court grants Gov. Ron DeSantis’ request for a grand jury to investigate rise in human trafficking, illegal immigration in Florida under Biden Administration

    @RedPillPharmacist
    https://bit.ly/3ORUpsw

    Liked by 3 people

  20. Hey filly did you see this?

    Big Pharma Desperate to Get COVID Shots on Childhood Schedule Before ‘Emergency’ Ends

    https://childrenshealthdefense.org/defender/big-pharma-covid-vaccine-child-immunization-schedule-cola/

    Once the COVID-19 vaccine is on the childhood vaccination schedule, the vaccine makers are permanently shielded from liability for injuries and deaths that occur in any age group, including adults.

    The rate of COVID-19-associated hospitalization among children aged 5 to 11 is just 0.0008%. In real-world terms, that’s so close to zero you basically cannot lower it any further.

    Despite that, the vaccine advisory panel — the Vaccines and Related Biological Products Advisory Committee (VRBPAC) — of the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) on June 15 unanimously approved granting
    Emergency Use Authorization (EUA) to Pfizer’s and Moderna’s COVID shots for infants and young children.
    Pfizer’s EUA is for a three-dose regimen (3-microgram shots) for children 6 months to 5 years old; Moderna’s EUA is for a two-dose regimen (25-microgram shots) for children 6 months to 6 years.

    In granting this EUA, the FDA again ignored injury and death data and swept medical ethics aside.

    The drug companies need this last remaining age group to be included under the EUA, because once the emergency is finally declared “over,” the next phase of liability shielding requires that the shots receive approval by the CDC’s Advisory Committee on Immunization Practices. Once the vaccine is on the childhood vaccination schedule, the vaccine makers are permanently shielded from liability for injuries and deaths that occur in any age group, including adults.

    And yet

    Craig points out that of the 4,526 children, aged 6 months to 4 years, who participated in Pfizer’s trial, 3,000 didn’t make it to the end of the trial. Why did two-thirds of the children drop out?

    Oftentimes, this happens when side effects are too severe for the participant to continue. Here, we don’t know why two-thirds of the participants were eliminated, and “on that basis alone, this trial should be deemed null and void,” Craig says. Moreover:

    Six of the children, aged 2 to 4 years, in the vaccinated group were diagnosed with “severe COVID,” compared to just one in the placebo group. So, what this actually shows is that the likelihood the shot is causing severe COVID is higher than the likelihood that it’s preventing it.

    The only child who required hospitalization for COVID was also in the “vaccinated” group.

    In the three weeks following the first dose, 34 of the children in the vaccinated group and 13 of the unvaccinated children were diagnosed with COVID. That means the children’s risk of developing symptoms of COVID within the first three weeks of the first dose actually increased by 30%. These data were ignored.

    Between doses two and three, there was an eight-week gap, and the vaccinated arm again experienced higher rates of COVID. This too was ignored. After the third dose, the incidence of COVID was again raised in the vaccine group, and this was ignored as well.

    In the end, they only counted three cases of COVID in the vaccine arm and seven cases in the placebo group. They literally ignored 97% of all the COVID cases that occurred during the trial to conclude that the shots were “effective” in preventing COVID.

    While they claim the triple-dose regimen reduced COVID, 12 of the children actually caught COVID twice in the two-month follow-up, and 11 of them were vaccinated.

    The confidence interval for Pfizer’s jab is -370% at the lower end of the 95%, which suggests children who get the jab are nearly four times more likely of getting sick with COVID than their unvaccinated peers.

    Liked by 3 people

  21. Ad this?

    WHO Recommends New Gates-Funded Polio Vaccine to Address Vaccine-Derived Polio Outbreak in U.K.

    https://childrenshealthdefense.org/defender/who-gates-polio-vaccine-united-kingdom/

    The World Health Organization on Nov. 13, 2020, granted Emergency Use Listing to a novel oral polio vaccine, developed by the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation. The vaccine is designed to treat type 2 vaccine-derived poliovirus — the same type of polio identified in the U.K.’s first polio outbreak in 40 years.

    So the polio vaccine is now causing polio? Wasn’t gates kicked out of India for this?

    Liked by 3 people

  22. Biden Climate Envoy John Kerry Amid Supply Chain Crisis: “We Need to Spur the Transition to Green Shipping” —- So your going to blow on shipping containers?

    Biden Climate Advisor Gina McCarthy CHEERS the News that “Fossil Fuels Are Losing Jobs” As Gas Floats near $5 a Gallon—–They don’t care

    Get Woke, Go Broke: Bed Bath & Beyond Turns off AC in Stores to Save Money More Than a Year After Dropping MyPillow— Good luck with that. Your going to need a bath after that

    32-Year-Old Comedian Nick Nemeroff Suddenly Died in His Sleep— Hmmm I wonder…..

    Kourtney Kardashian’s Husband, Travis Barker, Rushed to Hospital After Suffering from Medical Issue—— Hmmmmmmm what could it be

    Baby Killer Pelosi Visits Pope with Husband Paul Following Abortion Ruling – Receives Communion at Vatican Despite Her Archbishop Denying The Rite—why was she there?

    Fauci Confirms Fake COVID Treatment Made Him More Sick, Another Fail By Biden’s Administration—— LOL

    Shocking Footage From Disney Reveals Upcoming Transgender Character Saying ‘Men Have Periods Too—- Mom huh you learn something new all the time. LOL

    Liked by 3 people

  27. EXCERPT: “CNN’s Chris Wallace on Tuesday touted former White House aide Cassidy Hutchinson’s testimony before the House Select Committee investigating the January 6, 2021 riot at the U.S. Capitol.

    Hutchinson testified that she was told former President Donald Trump tried to commandeer the presidential suburban during the riot and became borderline violent with the Secret Service. NBC News later reported that agent Bobby Engel was willing to refute that testimony under oath.

    As part of CNN’s coverage of the hearings, Wallace said Hutchinson “was a great witness” and “just brilliant.”

    Partial transcript as follows:”

    https://www.breitbart.com/clips/2022/06/29/cnns-wallace-praises-cassidy-hutchinson-testimony-she-was-just-brilliant/

    Liked by 1 person

  28. EXCERPT: “The Parental Rights in Education law will force teachers to remove blatant LGBT propaganda from their classrooms as the law is set to take effect Friday.

    According to reports, Orange County Public Schools (OCPS) announced it will “impose strict restrictions on classroom behavior” in order to abide by the Parental Rights in Education law. The law itself, which left-wing critics grossly mischaracterized, bars classroom discussions on sexual orientation and gender identity for children in kindergarten through third grade. The bill also makes it so that parents will be “notified about healthcare services offered at the school, with the right to decline any service offered,” and it ensures that “whenever a questionnaire or health screening is given to K-3 students, parents receive it first and provide permission for the school to administer the questionnaire or health screening to their child,” according to a press release on the measure from the governor’s office.

    Critics falsely labeled the measure “Don’t Say Gay,” even though the bill does nothing of the sort, as it does not single out a single sexual orientation. Rather, it bars age-inappropriate discussions on gender identity and sexual orientation for children as young as five.”

    https://www.breitbart.com/politics/2022/06/29/floridas-parental-rights-education-law-force-teachers-take-propaganda-out-classrooms/

    Liked by 2 people

  29. Entire Article @ BB: “ROME — Catholic League president Bill Donohue slammed House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) Wednesday for politicizing the Eucharist by receiving Communion at the Vatican.

    Pelosi, “who rejects the Catholic Church’s teachings on abortion, marriage and sexuality, received Holy Communion on June 29 at a papal Mass in St. Peter’s Basilica,” Dr. Donohue noted. “The pope was in attendance, but did not give out Communion.”

    “Pelosi’s stunt was done to undercut her bishop, San Francisco Archbishop Salvatore Cordileone: he has told her not to present herself for Communion, citing her lust for abortion rights,” Donohue added.

    Such discipline obviously depends on the good will of the person in question, because priests are not police officers, but pastors, and assume that anyone who approaches the altar to receive the sacrament is in a proper state to do so, Donohue observed. Therefore, even though some will blame the Vatican for what happened and others might blame Cordileone, in point of fact, there is “only one person to blame — Pelosi,” Donohue wrote.

    In asking Pelosi not to receive Communion, Archbishop Cordileone invoked canon law and is “in total compliance with Catholic teachings,” Donohue added. The priest who gave Pelosi Communion in the Vatican Wednesday was just one of the many priests who were distributing it and he obviously had no clue who Pelosi was, Donohue said. The priest simply did what was expected of him: “He gave Communion to everyone waiting on line to receive it,” Donohue wrote, which does not exclude the possibility that someone will willfully exploit the sacrament.

    Nancy Pelosi wants to have it both ways: she wants to proclaim herself a fervent, practicing Catholic while rejecting and actively campaigning against the Church’s most cherished moral teachings about the sanctity of life and marriage.

    And thus, Pelosi waiting in line to receive Communion is “akin to a murderer waiting in line to pay his respects to his victim at a Catholic wake,” Donohue concluded, an analogy that is “poignant in more ways than one.”

    Liked by 1 person

  30. From The Bee:

    “WASHINGTON, D.C. – The walls are closing in on former President Trump. In an explosive bombshell unprecedented star witness testimony yesterday, Cassidy Hutchinson told everyone that she heard Mark Meadows say that a Secret Service agent’s friend’s cousin’s husband once heard that one of Trump’s other aides said she thinks she heard him say he wanted to “do an insurrection.”

    “Yes, that’s totally what I heard someone say Trump said to someone who told it to them,” said Cassidy Hutchinson. “He literally said ‘Let’s do an insurrection.’ And then he threw a plate at the bust of Martin Luther King.” Hutchinson then started sobbing uncontrollably.

    The committee confirmed that the Secret Service agent’s friend’s cousin’s husband who heard the aide say what she thought she heard is “an upstanding witness of the most unassailable character.”

    “This is looking really bad,” said conservative folk hero Adam Kinzinger. “This might finally be the beginning of the end for Trump, who we are discovering was the evilest president to ever be elected.” Kinzinger then started sobbing uncontrollably.

    The hearings are expected to heat up even more next week when the committee brings in Johnny Depp to testify – according to sources close to Johnny Depp’s agent’s cleaning lady’s great aunt.”
    ——————-
    “VATICAN CITY – Pelosi visited St. Peter’s Basilica in Rome to receive communion this week, but left the entire city in an uproar after she drank all the wine and left no communion for anyone else.

    Witnesses say Pelosi wrestled the chalice away from the priest who was offering it to her and emptied the whole thing before grabbing another chalice and guzzling that one too.

    “I’m a bold protector of women’s rights! I deserve this!” she yelled out, according to sources. “I’m a practicing Catholic! Good morning! Sunday morning!”

    Sources confirmed that once Pelosi was finished, there was no communion wine left for the 1,200 people still waiting in line to receive it. Pelosi’s husband stayed behind to ask for some communion in a to-go cup.

    At publishing time, local authorities found Pelosi passed out in an alleyway. It was unclear whether it was because she had taken the cup in an unworthy manner and brought judgment onto herself, or because her blood alcohol was four times the legal limit.”
    ——————-
    “SESAME STREET – The CDC has issued a lockdown advisory to the residents of Sesame Street after longtime roommates Bert and Ernie revealed they have both contracted Monkeypox.

    “Our hearts go out to Bert and Ernie, who have been platonic and exclusive friends for many years now,” said Big Bird. “Luckily, they have both received the monkeypox vaccine and all 13 monkeypox boosters. We pray for their speedy recovery.”

    “Hey there, Bert, I don’t know if that bathhouse in Madrid was worth it,” Ernie was heard saying as muppet CDC bolted the door to their studio apartment shut.

    The CDC is urging local residents to take extra precautions and refrain from muppet sexual activity with Bert and Ernie, or anyone else in the area who happens to be covered in festering sores. They then released a detailed poster with advice on how to avoid the disease that no one on earth asked for.

    At publishing time, Big Bird has also mysteriously come down with Monkeypox.”

    Liked by 2 people

  31. The Bee:

    “WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a surprising 6-3 decision, the Supreme Court overturned all Matrix sequels, rendering them invalid. Warner Brothers will no longer be permitted to distribute The Matrix Reloaded, The Matrix Revolutions, and The Matrix Resurrections.

    The court’s official opinion was authored by Justice Clarence Thomas who explained that Reloaded was too confusing, Revolutions featured too much action outside of the matrix, and Resurrections was just an appalling mess.

    “The Matrix is henceforth a single film and an online computer game,” wrote Clarence Thomas in the court’s official opinion. “The Matrix and The Matrix Online shall remain canon. The court’s decision is final.”

    He also made it a point to list the directors as The Wachowski Brothers (with the word ‘brothers’ in bold) in what experts are calling a based move. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi was devastated by the court’s ruling. “This morning the radical Supreme Court has eviscerated the fandom. I personally know many people who love the chateau fight scene in the second one.”

    “And The Matrix Online is now offline,” she added. “Frankly, I don’t understand this ruling at all and I believe the American people will not stand for it.”

    At publishing time, a Pew Research poll revealed that approximately 99% of voters concur with the judgment of the court. Sources say next year the court will consider overruling all seasons of The Office after Michael Scott left.”
    ———————–
    “WASHINGTON, D.C. — Cassidy Hutchinson, a former assistant to Trump-era Chief of Staff Mark Meadows, testified Tuesday at the Jan 6 committee hearing that Trump cried out ‘Witness me!’ while jumping from the presidential limo to sacrifice himself in a fiery explosion that destroyed the Democrats’ war rig.

    Hutchinson testified to having overheard an unnamed Secret Service agent talking to White House janitor Odor Malone about another agent who claimed to have seen the whole thing happen in a vision.

    “The president said, ‘[unintelligible] I’m the president! I came here to commit literal treason!’ and then he grabbed the car’s wheel,” Hutchinson said. “Then he hauled himself up to the roof of the limo and dove headfirst into the other vehicle.”

    “And there was an explosion?” pressed Rep Liz Cheney.

    “Yes, the Democratic war rig was split in half and Representative Ocasio-Cortez was killed.”

    At publishing time, the Jan 6 committee has canceled all future hearings after discovering they are making Trump more popular.”

    Liked by 2 people

    1. “Are you a journalist? With Roe v. Wade overturned it’s YOUR job to fight back by controlling the language and righteously steering the narrative toward a world in which abortions are safe, legal, free, common, and performed through all 9 months of pregnancy. That’s what journalism is all about!

      Here is a list of terms you should use going forward:”

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    2. “NEW YORK, NY — Ghislaine Maxwell, former co-conspirator of sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein, was sentenced to 20 years in prison for her crimes, but the judge did express it was likely she would be killed early on good behavior.

      “Ms. Maxwell, I hereby sentence you to a devastating 20 years for your crimes,” said U.S. District Judge Alison Nathan. “But if you maintain good behavior you’ll be suicided in a week.”

      “I can give you more names!” she cried out in an uncharacteristic outburst.

      Judge Nathan ordered the bailiff to restrain the prisoner and keep her quiet for disrupting the courtroom. He proceeded to admonish Maxwell for offering to name the celebrities and politicians she had been selling minors to for years.

      Witnesses at the hearing claim Maxwell looked “deathly ill” following the exchange and muttered something about being a CIA plant. She was roughly escorted out of the courtroom by prison guard H. Illroy Climpton.”

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