Spring Ritual

Humor 2 Minutes

Spring is a time of renewal, rebirth. A chance to clean the slate and start again. Sweep out the old and usher in the new…

Every spring, households across the country engage in a ritual called Spring Cleaning. Pre-covid, my ritual was simple yet satisfying. I would target an area in the house, clean and organize, and remove any unwanted or unnecessary items.

NOT our house–I would freak out

But, Post-covid, that wonderful process has completely fallen apart. An interloper has intruded onto the scene and is hindering my best attempts to complete my mission!

Just the other day I was spring cleaning the kitchen, the refrigerator specifically. Following the previously tested and approved process, I would remove all the items from a shelf. Then I would check the expiration date on the package…tossing those whose freshness had passed. The surviving items I would wipe with a clean cloth and after washing the shelf, put the cleaned items back.

But that was all destroyed by covid.. I was removing items, checking their freshness dates and tossing the bad ones into the trash. Or at least I thought I was. As I was tossing items in the trash, hubby–better known around here as the Interloper–was removing them!

“I can still eat this…” he’d say, removing a jar of garlic olives.

“But you haven’t yet…” I told him, taking the olives back and tossing them again.

“But I will now.”

And the olives were placed BACK on the shelf. A container of yellow mustard followed the same route…and he only eats Golden Mustard…back on the shelf it went.

Finally, I tossed a can of biscuits that had seen better days…nearly a month after it’s expiration date. The Interloper insisted HE would make them with our dinner that evening and removed them from the trash, smiling. I had my doubts, but I returned his smile. I was picturing the day he would be enjoying garlic olives, alongside his mustard covered biscuits!

UPDATE:

Later that afternoon, I was sipping some tea, enjoying a cookie (or 3), when I heard a gunshot!! Frantic, I jumped up and ran right into the Interloper–who had also heard the gunshot! Confused, we searched high and low but saw nothing or no one who could have fired a gun. The mystery, however, was solved when I opened the refrigerator…the dang biscuit can exploded all over my clean refrigerator!

Sigh…

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Published by pat frederick

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123 thoughts on “Spring Ritual”

  1. Liked by 1 person

  2. now they’re trying to use the movie Independence Day and Randy Quaid to make their case against MTG…LMAO

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  5. EXCERPT: “The practice of billionaire NFL owners convincing state politicians to give them hundreds of millions in taxpayer money to subsidize their stadiums is alive and well.

    The latest example of this can be found in Tennessee, where the state legislature – House and Senate – passed a budget that includes $500 million for a new Titans stadium in Nashville, according to the Tennessean.

    The measure passed the House by a vote of 71-19, and the Senate by a vote of 18-13.

    As Pro Football Talk reports, “The balance of the funding for the stadium, which could cost as much as $2 billion, will come from the city, the Titans, and the NFL. The private contribution will be $700 million. Still, that would result a record amount of public funding — by far — with up to $1.5 billion in taxpayer money eventually being diverted to the project.”

    https://www.breitbart.com/sports/2022/04/22/corporate-welfare-tennessee-approves-500-million-in-funding-for-new-titans-stadium/

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  6. Right on!!!

    Entire article @ BB: “Santa Rosa County, Florida, Sheriff Bob Johnson told reporters Thursday his constituents save taxpayers money by shooting intruders.

    WHIO reports that Johnson used a Thursday press conference to announce that 32-year-old Brandon J. Harris was arrested Wednesday.

    The Charlotte Observer notes that Harris “has been arrested 17 times” and is now under arrest for alleged break-ins in the neighborhood of Pace.

    Johnson explained that the time between when police were called and Harris was arrested was approximately 30 minutes. During that time, a homeowner shot at Harris but missed him.

    The Pensacola News Journal points out that Johnson commented on the homeowner’s actions, saying, “One of the homeowners, he was breaking into their house, and they shot at him. So he continues to run. We finally corner him in a house that he broke into on Tom Sawyer and we cornered him in a bedroom.”

    Johnson then assured the homeowner that he or she is not in trouble and actually noted that homeowners who shoot intruders save money for other tax-payers: “If someone’s breaking into your house, you’re more than welcome to shoot them in Santa Rosa County. We prefer that you do, actually. So, whoever that was, you’re not in trouble, come see us. We have a gun safety class we put on every other Saturday. If you take that, you’ll shoot a lot better, and hopefully you’ll save the taxpayers money.”

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