APRIL’S FOOLS

Humor 3 Minutes

In honor of the holiday named for politicians (April Fools, I made that up), I am proposing a simple game. Try to determine which of the following statements are true or made up. Sounds simple, right? Ready?

  1. The original London Bridge is currently in Arizona.

2. You can purchase alien abduction insurance in Florida.

3. KFC produced edible nail polish in Hong Kong in the flavors Original and Hot & Spicy.

4. There’s a church–The United Church of Bacon–whose mission statement is “Hail Piggy, full of grease, the Lard is with thee.”

5. There was a program in NYC & Washington,DC called Joints for Jabs which provided a rolled joint upon proof of vaccination.

So what do you think? Got these figured out?

Take your time…I can wait…

Okay…here we go…

  1. The original London Bridge IS in Arizona.

Where is the London Bridge in Arizona? The London Bridge is in Lake Havasu City, Arizona, at the northern and western edges of the Sonoran Desert. It was originally located in London, England, where it spanned the River Thames for over 130 years. There have actually been several different bridges called the London Bridge in the same location along the Thames over the past 2,000 years. This London Bridge was built to replace the Old London Bridge in 1831, which had been in place for over 600 years. The old bridge was too narrow to support the volume of traffic crossing each day, and its narrow arches blocked boat traffic on the river.

Robert McCulloch, an American business owner and millionaire who was building Lake Havasu City at the time, saw the bridge sale as an opportunity to attract tourists and residents to his new Arizona city. He put in a bid of $2.4 million for the bridge, doubling how much it would cost the city of London to dismantle the bridge, and adding $60,000 – $1,000 for each year of his age when the bridge was reconstructed in Lake Havasu City. His bid was accepted, and work began to dismantle the bridge and transport it across the Atlantic Ocean to the United States.

https://study.com/learn/lesson/london-bridge-in-arizona.html

2. You CAN purchase alien abduction insurance in Florida.

UFO Abduction Insurance Company

This Florida insurer has been writing alien abduction insurance policies since 1987. Located in Altamonte Springs, the company says its policies are perfect “for anyone who thinks they have everything covered.”

You can purchase $10 million in alien abduction insurance for a single lifetime premium of $19.95. You’ll receive a “gold bordered” policy claim form and a frequent flyer endorsement, according to the company’s website.

Policyholders can claim the $10 million if they can prove they were taken by “aliens not from this planet” and then returned. Of course, they will need one of the aliens on the ship to sign the claim form. Once a claim is approved, the beneficiary will be distributed $1 a year for 10 million years, or until their passing.

This payout doubles to $20 million if the aliens insist on conjugal visits, if the encounter results in any offspring, or if the aliens refer to the abductee as a nutritional food source.

https://www.homeinsured.org/article/all-about-alien-abduction-insurance

3. KFC DID release edible nail polish in those flavors in Hong Kong.

HONG KONG (CBS) — This really gives “Finger Lickin’ Good” a whole new meaning.

KFC has made edible nail polish – in Original and Hot & Spicy flavors – to promote its fast food restaurants in Hong Kong.

https://boston.cbslocal.com/2016/05/05/kfc-edible-nail-polish-hong-kong-original-hot

4. There IS a church in Las Vegas called The United Church of Bacon.  Their mission statement is “Hail Piggy, full of grease. The Lard is with thee.”

The church’s clergy members — who have the authority to officiate weddings and conduct baptisms and funerals — are called friars. The opening lines of “Hail Piggy: A Prayer for Bacon,” a play on Catholicism’s “Hail Mary,” are a medley of porky puns, such as, “Hail Piggy, full of grease, the Lard is with thee.” Clearly, some flavorful strategy has been put into the congregation’s principles.

Read More: https://www.mashed.com/805376/the-bacon-centric-church-you-probably-didnt-know-existed/?utm_campaign=clip

5. There WAS a program in NYC and Washington DC called “Joints for Jabs” giving every person who had at least I cv shot a free joint.

Authorities in the US capital have been working around the clock to open up the state, as seen by the relaxing of its prior restrictions against breweries, pubs, salons, restaurants and so on – where some of these now even give out a free appetiser, drink or cup of coffee for proof of vaccination. Others were even authorised to arrange prize giveaways and free tickets to landmark sports events. However, their most daring venture yet just saw them setting up the ‘Joints for Jabs’ program, which aims to incentivise the vaccine rollout by giving out a free ‘blunt’ to each successful recipient of the vaccine – yes, you heard me, free weed for anyone who gets vaccinated!

https://cbdreviewstoday.com/joints-for-jabs/

Are you keeping score? That’s right…ALL of them are true…wait for it…

APRIL FOOLS

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Published by pat frederick

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173 thoughts on “APRIL’S FOOLS”

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    1. From Wiki: “The Balloon Boy hoax occurred on October 15, 2009, when a homemade helium-filled gas balloon shaped to resemble a silver flying saucer was released into the atmosphere above Fort Collins, Colorado, by Richard and Mayumi Heene. They then claimed that their six-year-old son Falcon was trapped inside it. Authorities confirmed the balloon reached 7,000 feet (2,100 m) during its 90-minute flight.[1][2][3][4] The event attracted worldwide attention,[1][5] and Falcon was nicknamed “Balloon Boy” in the media.[6]

      National Guard helicopters and local police pursued the balloon. After flying for more than an hour and approximately 50 miles (80 km),[7] the balloon landed about 12 miles (19 km) northeast of Denver International Airport. When Falcon was not found inside and it was reported that an object had been seen falling from the balloon, a search was begun.[3] Later that day, the boy was found hiding in the attic of his home, where he had apparently been the entire time.[8]

      Suspicions of a hoax soon arose, particularly after an interview with Wolf Blitzer on Larry King Live that same evening. Asked why he was hiding, Falcon said to his father, “You guys said that, um, we did this for the show.”[9] On October 18, 2009, Larimer County sheriff Jim Alderden announced his conclusion that the incident was a hoax and that the parents would likely face several felony charges.[10][11] On November 13, 2009, Richard Heene pleaded guilty to attempting to influence a public servant. He was sentenced to 90 days in jail and ordered to pay $36,000 in restitution, and Mayumi Heene was sentenced to 20 days of weekend jail.[12][13]

      Liked by 1 person

  13. Well now….I, among others, have not always been happy with this man….another nail in that coffin!!!

    EXCERPT: “Texas Republican Governor Greg Abbott dodged when asked to denounce billionaire Klaus Schwab and his controversial World Economic Forum (WEF) after being asked by comedian Cassady Campbell. “Klaus Schwab of the World Economic Forum has bragged about infiltrating governments and grooming political leaders,” said Campbell after Abbott agreed to answer his question. “Now, you know, he’s for the Great Reset, pushing for it, Agenda 2030 — complete globalization.”

    “Do you denounce the World Economic Forum, Klaus Schwab, and the Great Reset?” Campbell asked him.

    Rather than a simple yes or no, Abbott replied “Listen, I’m not a globalist. I’m a Texas First and America First person.” Campbell repeated, “But do you denounce Klaus Schwab and the Great Reset?” Abbott deftly dodged the question a second time. Instead, Abbott replied “I promote Texas and America.”

    Abbot, who told Campbell he is “a Texas First and America First person,” is listed as a member on WEF’s website. In fact, Abbot attended WEF events recently, including the January 2020 WEF event in Davos, Switzerland. “A productive last day in Davos at the World Economic Forum,” he tweeted. “This morning I met with @francoislegault, Premier of Québec. Texas has a strong economic relationship with Québec & we are proud to be here to continue & strengthen this bond. @wef #wef20″

    “Busy day at the World Economic Forum in Davos. I met with Secretary Wilbur Ross to discuss the USMCA & China trade deals. Texas will be a winner. Separately I met with a CEO who is moving his business from another state to Texas. Leaders love the Texas approach to business,” Abbot posted to Facebook during the trip.”

    https://valiantnews.com/2022/03/video-abbott-dodges-twice-when-asked-to-disavow-klaus-schwab-wef/

    Liked by 1 person

  14. EXCERPT: “As U.S. attorney for the Southern District of New York in the 1980s, Giuliani used racketeering charges to successfully prosecute members of the Mob as well as corrupt operatives on Wall Street. He noted that in a racketeering case you have to prove ongoing criminal activity.

    “I never had a piece of evidence like this,” he said, referring to the Hunter Biden Christmas Day message in comparison to evidence in cases he prosecuted. In that message, Giuliani explained, a “co-conspirator,” Hunter Biden, is describing “the racketeering enterprise.”

    In light of Hunter Biden’s role in the family enterprise, Giuliani said he places the responsibility for Hunter Biden’s acknowledged and well documented addictions, including to cocaine and prostitutes, on Joe Biden himself.

    https://www.wnd.com/2022/03/giuliani-cites-evidence-joe-biden-led-racketeering-enterprise/

    Liked by 1 person

    1. given that severely creepy picture of father and son, I’d say they’d have a tough time convincing anybody their closeness didn’t pervade everything…no way shit-for-brains didn’t know

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Ah, man!!! SMDH – still, it IS NPR…..

    EXCERPT: “The Washington Examiner has reported that four states are working to be abortion “sanctuaries” if the 1973 Supreme Court decision creating a nationwide right to abortion is overturn, as many expect.

    But it is Colorado that is leading that race, according to an NPR report.

    The Examiner noted it is in “Democratic strongholds” in Colorado, California, Oregon and Illinois where lawmakers are positioning their states to take advantage of what they expect to be a boom in abortion business as other states impose baby-saving restrictions in light of Roe’s expected demise.

    But it was NPR’s report that charged Colorado was preparing to be a “refuge for abortion.” “Colorado is one of the few states without any restrictions on when in pregnancy an abortion can occur and is one of the few states in the region without a mandatory waiting period of up to 72 hours after required abortion counseling,” NPR said.

    So while other states are preparing to provide more protections for the unborn, lawmakers in Colorado have “the expectation is that the demand for abortions in Colorado from people who live in those nearby states where abortion is being restricted will rise.”

    “We’re planning on it,” Margie Andersohn, an operative for Denver abortion business Healthy Futures for Women, said in the report. Her business is hiring staffers and buying equipment. “We really do anticipate a lot more demand over the summer, unfortunately,” added Rebecca Cohen, of another Denver abortion business, Comprehensive Women’s Health Center.”

    https://www.wnd.com/2022/04/colorado-emerging-leading-destination-killing-unborn-roe-upended/

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Entire article: “A 125-year-old letter written by a choir boy who was orphaned after his father died was discovered stuffed down the side of one of the pews at Sunderland Parish Church.

    Workers discovered the note as they were renovating the church, also known as Holy Trinity, which had ceased being used as a house of worship in 1988 due to declining attendance. The church was subsequently used as a community events space and was being renovated when the letter was found.

    The note was written by 13-year-old William Elliott on Aug. 11, 1897, on the back of an order of service, according to the Sunderland Echo. In the note, Elliott requested not to be forgotten.

    ‘Dear friend, whoever finds this paper, think of William Elliott who had two months and two weeks and four days on the 11 of August 1897. Whoever you are that finds this paper don’t tear it up or throw it away… keep it in remembrance of me, W. Elliott…I was the leading boy of this choir… I love you if you love me.’

    The letter was found during the extended COVID-19 lockdowns as the Grade I listed Georgian building was being renovated into a catering space called Seventeen Nineteen, RTE News reports. Conservationists removed layers of wax and dust to make the text, written in pencil, visible.

    The Seventeen Nineteen project, which is working with the Churches Conservation Trust and other sponsors and volunteers to restore and repurpose the building as a venue space, researched more about Elliott’s life and how he came to stay at the church as an orphan.

    ‘Research by Seventeen Nineteen volunteers revealed William’s father was chief officer Thomas Duncan Elliott who was sailing on the vessel Skyros when he was washed overboard in 1887. William’s mother Sarah Ann Elliott was left a widow with four children and, although the family appears to have been fairly comfortable until Thomas’ death, by 1891 Sarah was working as a dressmaker to keep the family afloat. As a consequence of losing his father, William was eligible for admittance to the orphanage and was ultimately accepted in 1892. He was discharged on 29 October 1897, his 14th birthday – just weeks after he wrote his letter.’

    Seventeen Nineteen has now launched The Dear Friend project in honor of Elliott, which aims to encourage anyone who would like to participate to write a letter in reply. “His letter has touched us all,” said Tracey Mienie, Seventeen Nineteen’s center manager. “He was clearly very aware that his time at the orphanage — and in the choir — was ending and I think apprehension at what his future may hold comes across in his words.”

    Seventeen Nineteen added that based on their findings, Elliott’s high marks in reading and mathematics, he became an errand boy for a lawyer. The historical record of Elliott’s life ends in 1901, however. His letter is now framed in the church’s Lady Chapel near the seating area where it was believed to have been written. His name has also been added to the list of men and boys with ties to the parish who died in generations past.

    To participate in the Dear Friend project and write to Seventeen Nineteen, contact Lily Daniels with a postal address at 17nineteen@thecct.org.uk or call 0191 560 0288.”

    https://www.christianpost.com/news/125-year-old-letter-by-orphan-choir-boy-discovered-in-church-pew.html

    Liked by 1 person

  18. saw this earlier and i actually believed it to be an April Fools joke. apparently it’s real. 90 yrs old and having triplets
    entire article

    It’s a scene (almost) straight from the book of Genesis, but with a few notable exceptions:

    The mother’s name is Penelope, not Sarah. Her husband is Alfred, not Abraham.

    And instead of baby Isaac, there’s Allie, Benjamin and Wyatt.

    After 69 years of marriage, Penelope and Alfred Cruz have stunned family, friends and the larger medical community by announcing the birth of a daughter and two sons. They were born by Caesarean section just after midnight Friday at the Children’s Hospital of Los Angeles.

    “We’re absolutely thrilled!” said Penelope. “And maybe a little stunned, too,” admitted Alfred.

    The arrival of the Cruz triplets to parents of such advanced age shatters previous records. According to Guinness World Records, Maria del Carmen Bousada Lara of Spain, 66, was previously the oldest woman to give birth. Sons Christian and Pau arrived in December of 2006.

    “We’ve been deeply burdened by the declining birth rate in both America and around the world,” said Penelope. “All this talk about overpopulation is utter nonsense. We wanted to do our part.”

    Married on the eve of Dwight Eisenhower’s inauguration in January of 1953, the Cruz family still lives in their original bungalow in the Hollywood Hills.

    “We paid $11,000 for the place,” said Alfred. “I used to see Dean Martin with his friend Buddy Ebsen buying cold cuts at the corner deli down the road. Boy, could those guys eat bologna and coleslaw. Buddy bought seltzer water by the case.”

    A surgical team from Children’s Hospital praised and marveled at Penelope’s health and the robust weights of each of the three newborns.

    “I’ve always eaten what I want, how much I want, and whenever I want,” said the new mother of three. “It has obviously paid off. Chubby babies are the best.”

    Strong Christian believers, Penelope and Alfred have enjoyed being compared to Sara and Abraham, but some of the joking has worn thin.

    “I’m concerned enough about being father to three young children, let alone father of many nations,” sighed Alfred. “I may look 99, but I’m not. I’m only 92. But I know everyone means well.”

    Former president Donald Trump, familiar with the glances that often accompany older fathers, congratulated the family of five in a late-night text message.

    “Congratulations! Tremendous news. Babies are terrific. I’ve never met an ugly baby. Some were close, but never ugly. I’ve welcomed five children into this world, and nothing beats the experience, even winning the presidency, which was pretty terrific. That I can tell you. My glorious hole-in-one ranks right up there, too. Celebrate the miracle of life! X3!”

    At press time, Penelope and the three Cruz children were resting comfortably, though Alfred was expressing concern with the work to come.

    “I still have to scrape the lead paint and put on a fresh coat for the nursery” he said. “But my lumbago is killing me! At least the kid’s birthdays are April 1st – that will be easy to remember as I get up there in age.”

    https://dailycitizen.focusonthefamily.com/90-year-old-california-woman-gives-birth-to-triplets/

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    1. house legalizes pot…along party lines–goes to senate?
      FTA
      “Record crime, record inflation, record gas prices, record number of illegal immigrants crossing our southern border, and what are Democrats doing today? Legalizing drugs. Legalizing drugs and using American tax dollars to kick start and prop up the marijuana industry. Wow,” added Rep. Jim Jordan.

      https://www.thefirsttv.com/high-times-house-approves-measure-to-legalize-marijuana-nationwide/

      Liked by 1 person

  40. EXCERPT: “Businessman David McCormick and celebrity surgeon Dr. Mehmet Oz are neck-and-neck in the Republican primary race for U.S. Senate in Pennsylvania, according to a poll released Thursday.

    The poll, conducted by Emerson College and the Hill from March 26 to March 28, found McCormick and Oz each receiving 14 percent support, while a majority of respondents, 51 percent, said they were undecided.

    Other candidates in the primary remained in the single digits, including military veteran Kathy Barnette at six percent, former Trump Administration Ambassador to Denmark Carla Sands at six percent, and real estate developer Jeff Bartos at five percent.

    The poll was conducted just prior to Oz and McCormick, as well as two other candidates, meeting on stage to debate at a candidate forum that took place Wednesday morning.

    Oz, who is best known for hosting the Dr. Oz Show, became a prime target during the event as his opponents questioned his conservatism. “Why is everyone attacking me?” Oz asked at one point during the forum before someone from the audience answered, “Because you’re a liberal.”

    https://www.breitbart.com/politics/2022/04/01/poll-mccormick-and-oz-in-dead-heat-in-pennsylvania-senate-primary/

    Liked by 1 person

  41. The Bee – entire article:

    “WASHINGTON, D.C.—During an exclusive interview with a Babylon Bee reporter who may have lost a bet, Vice President Kamala Harris was asked to explain the altercation between movie star Will Smith and comedian Chris Rock at Sunday’s Oscars awards ceremony.

    “It is time for me to explain what I have been explaining, and that explanation is every explanation,” said the greatest orator of our time to the reporter who was already looking around for a window to jump through.

    “So, Chris Rock is a black man who makes comedy jokes,” explained the Vice President, “He exists in a place called Hollywood, which is where Will Smith, a black actor in movie films, also exists. Will Smith acts big because on the inside he feels small.”

    The reporter, weeping only slightly, nodded and pretended to take notes while actually doodling a crude drawing of himself in a hangman’s noose.

    “Will Smith is in an unhealthy marriage with a vain, egomaniacal wiccan named Jada, which reminds me of the significance of unhealthy marriages, right, the significance of unhealthy marriages. So when you think about it, there is great significance to unhealthy marriages, how it leads to adultery, emasculation, deep emotional ouchies, and messed up kids who don’t realize the significance of how messed up they are.”

    The reporter nodded along while tightening his necktie with desperate intensity.

    “Will Smith is an actor with hands. He is a large actor, he is a powerful actor. He decided to slap the face belonging to a smaller comedian named Chris Rock. So, basically, that’s wrong, and it goes against everything we stand for.”

    Liked by 1 person

  42. BB: WASHINGTON, D.C.—Jen Psaki has recently announced she will be resigning from her position as White House Press Secretary, immediately sparking discussion of who will replace her. The White House has announced that a last-minute job candidate, Grima Wormtongue, has swooped in, claiming himself to be perfect for the position.

    “I have personally been requested by his Lordship—I mean by President Joe Biden to speak on his behalf,” hissed Grima Wormtongue while addressing the press. “I have had many, many conversations with the President so I know his thoughts quite well.”

    When Wormtongue was asked basic questions about how Joe Biden planned on addressing today’s current crises he grew frustrated saying, “Why do you lay these troubles on an already troubled mind? Can’t you see President Biden doesn’t have time for such prattle?”

    At publishing time, just as Wormtongue was explaining Biden’s plan to do nothing to address inflation, gas prices, and America’s overall decline, he was interrupted by Peter Doocy charging forward. “His microphone! His microphone! I told you to take it from him, you fools! Now he can ask questions his Presidentship wishes not to hear!”

    Wormtongue then cleverly deflected the questions by promising to “circle back.”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. WASHINGTON, D.C.—White House interns placed a desk outside the White House so President Joe Biden could ceremoniously sign the ambitious “Don’t Say Gas” Bill. The new bill is meant to discourage the discussion of domestic oil drilling and complaints about the cost of high gas prices.

      Biden was joined by VP Kamala Harris, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, and Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer. The trio looked on dreamily as Dr. Jill Biden slowly put a pen in her husband’s hand and helped him sign the bill.

      “This is good for America!” said Biden. “Great for clean energy. Go get him!”

      Before he could say anything further, White House aides shooed the press away and reminded them they weren’t allowed to report on the event because that would technically involve mentioning “g*s.”

      Kamala Harris spoke briefly following the event. “A fuel, which shall not be named, is a thing in the ground. We use it to power cars and other things. But we should use other stuff that someone else told me is clean,” she said, clapping for herself.

      Nancy Pelosi immediately called her stockbroker to make sure he had sold all her oil stocks.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. HELL, MI—Local toddler Jonah Bardem nearly died Friday morning after attempting to eat all the marbles. According to sources, the child’s guardian angel has grown increasingly frustrated with the hyper youth and wishes the kid would chill for just a minute.

      “I’m so exhausted,” said Macroprosopus, an angel with four heads and interconnected golden wheels with eyes all around while donning his unassuming guy-with-golden-halo disguise for the cameras. “I love Jonah but this kid will not stop getting into trouble. Last week he tried to drink some bleach under the sink. I don’t even know how he got in there. The whole house is child-proof!”

      Macroprosopus agreed to speak with child protective services after Jonah showed up to daycare with light bruising.

      “Look, he got himself stuck in the pool gate. He didn’t drown. As far as I’m concerned, that’s a major win,” said the weary angel, his voice a multitude of waters crashing down on the earth.

      While speaking with child services, Macroprosopus was interrupted when Jonah shoved a crayon up his nose and into his brain.

      “Ugh, give me a break, Jonah! —hey, don’t write that down.”

      Social workers prayed fervently and had the distressed angel replaced by the Archangel Gabriel. He had felt the assignment was beneath his station until Jonah’s parents turned on Disney Plus.

      “NOOOOOOOO!” screamed Gabriel, his voice rolling on the waves of reality and splintering the minds of sinful men.

      At publishing time, the city’s entire electrical grid mysteriously shut down and Jonah was forced to play with wooden blocks.

      Liked by 1 person

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