This story describes a very brief interval which, TBH, I have a hard time recalling. I was hot, sweaty and dirty after hauling sawdust and decided to stop and get a cold beer at the local hangout in Haymarket, VA. In my ragged cut-off overalls, with a tube top underneath, and slip-on Duck boots, I slid onto a stool next to a friend, who had a young friend of his sitting next to him. Hmmmm…..well, one beer became two and…….at some point, the Cougar came to life and I began eying the young, 20-something WV boy named Billy (I was easily twice his age). Well, THIS looked interesting!!!!

One thing led to another, we hit it off and got together a few times for drinking, dancing and bedroom games. The final time I was with Billy was highly illuminating, to say the least. It was a cool night, with light rain – almost a mist – and he came to my house with a bottle of Rum and a 2 liter bottle of Coke. We chatted while we fixed some drinks and moved to the living room, seating outselves on the couch.

From the gitgo, something just seemed off. He sat down in the corner at one end, leaning away from me on the arm of the couch – like he was turned away from me intentionally. We discussed this and that until the conversation turned to dog training. Early on, he informed me that he knew more than I about the subject because he had raised Rottweilers. He insisted that he understood, with his dogs, that once the food was given to them, they were well within their rights to bite even him if he tried to remove it. Uh, no………..that was the beginning of an evening of Billy arguing with EVERYTHING I said!!!!

Fairly early on, I recognized that this was not going to be a long-term relationship and I determined to get what I could out of the evening (some entertaining escapades in the bedroom) and mark it off as the end of that experiment. So I suggested we take a romantic stroll outside, in the rain.

I also decided he needed to meet my wolf-shepherd cross – the one to whom I could give a raw steak bone and easily remove it from her mouth 2 minutes later, with nary a growl. Spirit understood quite clearly that I was the Alpha – not her – she answered to me. The arguing continued…..seriously, it was beyond tiresome!

I finally decided enough chit-chat – let’s do the deed and get this nightmare over with – I was still determined to at least get a good POA out of the deal. We moved into the house and into my bedroom to my California King size waterbed. Ever had sex on a waterbed? Most people don’t have them full enough – mine was filled to the brim and was like a firm regular mattress with minimal sloshing and waves. It had a book-case headboard with a mirror in the center – an added accoutrement that did, indeed, enhance the experience, I must say!

Billy stayed on the side by the door and began disrobing, as I walked to my side and did the same. Naked, I turned towards him and saw him getting into bed still wearing his t-shirt. Nope! That was NOT going to work!!!! So I scooted over next to him and helped him take off his t-shirt, then lay full up against him and began…..um….playing. Touching, kissing…..you know the drill! Expecting a reaction…….nada – none – he might have been dead for all the movement I got out of him!!! Hmmmm…..WTH is going on here????

So I laid on top of him and began moving down his body……..kissing…….caressing…… licking…….still….no reaction whatsoever. Well, dang – did he go to sleep or what??!!?? So….I nipped him on his belly……HOLY CRAP!!! He jumped 2 feet as if I had plugged him in!!! “DON’T YOU EVER DO THAT AGAIN!!!!! I don’t EVER want to feel your teeth on me again!!!!” OK, now I’m really confused!!!!

What in the hell did he want???? I laid back down on my side of the bed, trying to figure out whether this was even worth it!!!! He said to me, “What the hell are you doing?” and I replied, “Trying to figure out what the hell you want!!!!” “I want you to finish what you started!!!!!” Yeah, ok, that is NOT going to work with ME!!!! Me being me, I proceeded to berate him for his attitude, explaining explicitly that I was NOT his slave and he had to actively participate on an equal basis. Oh, my! That was way too much for poor Billy! He jumped out of bed, grabbed his clothes and spouted, “I’m getting out of here!!! You’re too manly for me!!!!”

Well, of course, I erupted in raucous laughter, rolling out of bed onto the floor! He forgot his undies, literally ran out of the bedroom, grabbed his bottle of rum, leaving his jacket, and hit the door, never pausing stride! He flew up the driveway, spitting gravel every step of the way!!!!

Gee, did I have fun recounting THAT at the local hang out, where poor Billy never showed his face again!!!!! Ok, everyone – come on – let’s hear about some of YOUR romantic encounters!!!! Show and tell time – fair is fair, after all!!!!